Do You Listen to Your Dad and Mom's Life Stories?
By mysticmaggie
@mysticmaggie (2498)
United States
February 8, 2010 7:34am CST
I remember Mom and Dad telling me about growing up in the Depression, or Dad proudly talking about something that happened at the plants where he was Maintenance Supervisor. Mom loved to read stories she had written. Both were so eager for an audience with us kids until Mom passed away and Daddy remembered yesterday better than what had just happened.
Mama's stories - we thought she was just playing since, in our pompous attitudes, her sixth grade education made writing impossible. Then she got one of her books published. Suddenly she was important enough to listen to. Daddy's work and his ability to embellish any story kept everyone entertained.
After Mama's death, I would come back for visits and Daddy would tell the same stories over and over again, sometimes several times during one visit. I always sat, listened and commented because I knew he missed Mama so much and she was the one he normally had as an audience.
My sister refused to listen and seldom came to visit although she never lived more than a mile away. My brother took care of Daddy while running a successful florist shop. He cooked, cleaned and took care of 'accidents' Daddy had, but time grew short for listening, which Daddy seemed to need more than anything. By five in the afternoon, Daddy called it quits and went to bed.
The last time I visited, my brother and I got in an argument and I cut my visit short even though Daddy begged me to stay just a day or two longer. Drama took over as I explained I simply could not stay.
Four days later I got the news...Daddy shot and killed himself. Those years since, I've often wished I could hear those few stories that were embedded in his mind even though dementia slowly took them away, too. I would give anything to hear Mama read one of her stories to us.
Do you take the time to listen to your parents' stories? Do you take time to ask questions to show your interest? Or, are you impatient and more worried about the little things in life than spending beautiful moments with your folks? Is cleaning your house or working on your car more important? Do you think they will live forever? When WILL you have time for such a fragile, timeless gift?
2 people like this
19 responses
@amijor (234)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
Although I would tell my mom that the fact that we behave differently (especially on money matters)from them is owed to the fact that things are created to make life easier. But on the back of my mind I try to learn things which existed before I came to be. I also try to pick up lessons from the stories they share especially those stories where they regret their mistakes.
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
9 Feb 10
My folks went through the Depression and we are going through a deep Recession. They had it tougher than we are at the moment. In a way, I'm glad they aren't having to go through this, although I think they would fare just fine. Daddy had everything paid for long before he and Mom passed away. He was smart that way.
@udayrao2 (781)
• India
9 Feb 10
Yes I did- not only from my parents but also from my grandmother- as I was the only child to my parents; and most of the stories were true incidents way back from their lives in the village before they shifted to this big city; yes and as you mentioned I knew that was because they missed the old life and thinking about them gave them a sense of fulfilment I think, I never cut short their stories, in fact I loved the stories and I passed them on to my children and now pass them on to my grandchildren - I wish I had written all of that - now that you have given me or rather motivated me into action by your posting - thanks to you, maybe I will start writing and preserving them- who knows maybe one day one of my descendants may find it very worthwhile!!!
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
9 Feb 10
Check out my profile and go to the link "I Remember Mama and Daddy." I've begun putting the first of the stories up. Hope you enjoy.
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
9 Feb 10
What a tribute that would be to your parents and grandparents and what a wonderful gift to give your children and grandchildren! Do let me know if you decide to write them.
I write mine in short stories that grab the interest of readers because they sound as though they are happening now.
@udayrao2 (781)
• India
9 Feb 10
I will let you know when I start writing; you too let me know where you have or plan to put up your stories as most of these stories, like I said, are true and quite different but at the same time very interesting too, also lot of them have some moral behind them and though we feel they are different in a way maybe what your parents/grandparents told you may be somewhat similar basically to what i heard - only the situations would be different.
@EvrWonder (3571)
• Canada
9 Feb 10
Hi Mystic, that is quite the story. I do listen to what my folks have to say, especially when telling that about their life etc. I find it helps me get to know them even better and opens my eys to that which I do not know otherwise. It is extremely important to take time out for family. For those precious moments that can never be brought back by turning back time. We must embrace these moments for the the powerful importance that they are. Nothing is more important than family. We must make time regardless. Check any selfishness at the door and make it their time with you. In years to cvome, we can look back and smile, knowing we helped make a difference in their lives, simply by our company and open ears. When we speak I do ask questions if there is something about the story that I am wondering. My enthusiasm is always genuine. It is my parents. We enjoy cooking together, gardening, talking, reminiscing, driving, having tea, shopping, fishing, playing with the dog, hosting family get togethers and watching T.V.
With both of my parents in their 70's, I know that they are not going to live forever. I wish they would however and my condolences to you. This must of been an extremely hard time for you. I have time every time for the timeless and fragile gift as time spent with my parents. Thank you for your post.
@EvrWonder (3571)
• Canada
10 Feb 10
Most awesome! Thank you for your comment. I bet her would be proud of you and I can easily imagine him carrying on with a story and then the hook that has Mom jump to her feet and the chase is on. Funny. I've really enjoyed your discussion. Thank you.
@ckyera (17331)
• Philippines
8 Feb 10
hello mysticmaggie,
yes, i do listen to my parent's stories. i never get tired listening to them. i find it nice and interesting specially hen they are telling about their love story!
and also the usual things that their story is about is ho they are when they are still kids, their life experiences and so on...i do show interest listening and yes i am asking questions, sometimes its me who open up the conversation about their past...
i have learned many things from their life experiences, and as much as possible, i like spending some time with them talking, telling stories and anything coz life is too short and really uncertain. i don't like to regret things in the future that i didn't get time listening to my parent's stories...
but right no, its just sad that i am living far from them, but whenever i am there for a vacation, i see to it that we will have quality time together...
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
8 Feb 10
Ask them to write to you about something that happened in their youth. That way you'll have a permanent record, as I do with my mother's books.
@verabear (796)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
Among the two it's my dad who always used to tell stories of his childhood - very different from mine - and then his younger years including the ones when he was already in the revolutionary movement against the former dictator.
I loved hearing those stories, and I could imagine them in my head. He would tell them to me during bedtime, sometimes he would share it with everyone right there on the dinner table.
Someday I hope my dad pauses to write down his stories and maybe encourage my mom to share some of hers.
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
9 Feb 10
Take the initiative and write down what you can remember when he talks. It will be so valuable to you when he is gone. Definitely encourage your mother to talk, too.
@AjaySinghBaghel (5506)
• India
8 Feb 10
I do listen to my parents life story as I find them with full of honesty and dedication for whatever they have accomplished. Parents have seen much more life then us and for that matter they have better idea of most of the good/bad things around us, listening to them definitely we get to learn the things, whether its good or things that we should not do.
I used to hear stories from my grandfather - what a brave and kind person he was. He was a teacher but his thought were of a visionary which had many dreams in his eyes. he used to tell his stories of healthy competition with the people around him and about his adventurous tours.
I think of living like him who never thought of harming anyone and always ready to help in all ways he can. I think of making his dreams true in my life so that I have great stories for my grandchildren and at the same time my grandfather will be happy and proud.
We should listen to our elders for sure, will get something to know for sure which might lead us to the unexpected heights :)
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
8 Feb 10
Our parents and grandparents leave us such a beautiful legacy in the stories they tell. I'm delighted you listen to yours. Your own children will be richer if you pass those stories along to them.
May you be blessed with their long lives.
1 person likes this
@libnawilkerson (298)
• Mexico
9 Feb 10
I think older people tell us stories that maybe we think are boring.
But someday when similar things happen tu us and we remember their mistakes or correct answers we will appreciate it very much.
I think you should share those stories your mom wrote in this communitie so we can read interesting stuff!!
Well thats my commet so far and thank you for reading my opinion!!!
@daliaj (5674)
• India
9 Feb 10
I do listen to their life stories once in a while. They are not that open. They will share the stories only sometimes. It is intersting to hear about things before my birth and to know about the situations my parents went through. Sometimes, there will be a lot to learn for me from their expreiences. It is good to learn from others mistakes and problems they faced in life.
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
9 Feb 10
They can teach us so much if we just take the time to listen, question, and be open to new experiences from their older stories.
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
9 Feb 10
No matter the ages, parents always have funny, sad, interesting and helpful stories to pass along to their children. I'm glad you enjoy the telling of theirs.
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
9 Feb 10
The many things I learned from my parents stories could never be replaced by any other form of learning.
@Nirishasol (879)
• India
9 Feb 10
Yes i do love to listen my mom and dad life stories and i listen it carefully. How they meet them in their school life and study together in collages and when they completed their graduation how they get married and finally they are living their happy married life with me.
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
9 Feb 10
Listen and remember for your children. Your parents' stories will add richness to the ones you will tell of your life. A family's history is nothing more than meeting, listening and learning - and yet, that is everything.
@yresh12 (3212)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
I'm really sorry about you're father. I know he's in
a good place somewhere.
I agree you must give more time in listening to you're parents
You will know a lot of things and how to face the real world.
Mystic! Thank you so much for this inspiring post.This helps
some of us to think about spending time with their families. Cherish
and spend time with them as much as we could.. This is really heart warming.
:)
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
10 Feb 10
Thank you, yresh12. That was what this post was all about - to urge people to get closer to their parents and learn their family history.
With children so spread out from their core families today, it's easy to forget the joy of having them there in good times and in bad.
My son moved away from home at age 26 and married at 27. Dad and I moved over a thousand miles away from him the year he married. Since neither my son nor I are great telephone talkers, we might have communicated once a month by phone and saw each other, if we were lucky, once a year.
When Dad became disabled and Dave urged us to move close to him or even in with him and his lovely wife, we found a rental house fifteen minutes away. It was tough talking to him at first. We knew so little about what had happened to each other the last ten years.
Happily, we are catching up and becoming a close family again. I'll be passing more of his family history along in my writings.
@anjohanna (156)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
yes, sometimes, if it is new... but if she talked about it for 100x, I make sure I jumped to another topic.
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
9 Feb 10
I don't know how many times I listened to the same half-dozen stories from Daddy in his last years, but I wouldn't swap one time for anything else. It was important to him and when dementia began, he had no idea he had told the story before, sometimes within the past hour. I listened just as intently that time as I did the time before. There was always a little jewel tucked in the telling that I had not caught before.
My sister refused to listen to his stories after the first few times. I think she missed a lot, but that was her choice. :)
@neha1987 (58)
• India
9 Feb 10
hey ya i just love listening to their life stories .it makes me feel proud to have such parents .they did all the hard work for us and result is tat we are happy today. my dad struggled a lot and today we are are happy in all ways
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
10 Feb 10
I know what you mean. When I remember what my parents went through during the Depression, it makes this Recession a bit easier to handle. They were fortunate that they had a small farm to grow their own food, but they shared with less fortunate folk in the area, too.
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
10 Feb 10
Write them down. They are fabulous treasures for you and the family you have or will have some day.
@weasel81 (2496)
• Australia
9 Feb 10
i get a bit lost when mum starts telling a story from when she was younger. she did do a lot of things before getting married, some bits seem hard to believe but it was the 70's and things were different. i show an interest, in them cause they can be funny at times.
@skbrence (475)
• Philippines
8 Feb 10
Hi there mysticmaggie...
I would love to but, they don't share too much about their experiences and stories. (especially the one about how they met and how they fell in love... xD) Maybe because they are somehow shy or they do think that their generation was really different from ours.
But if would do share stories, I would really be interested hearing it.
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
8 Feb 10
Ask them to share. Sometimes that's all it takes. The most beautiful times in my life were when we would gather on the screened porch, doing some chore such as shelling peas, and the stories would begin! If neighbors visited, it could easily become a contest of who could top who.
We had so much laughter and tears during those times. Please ask them to share. It's a richness like no other.
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
8 Feb 10
I'm very proud of YOU! You see an opportunity to know more about your folks and you seize it. That is super smart on your part. Well done!
1 person likes this
@dasj20 (127)
• India
9 Feb 10
hi
i like this discussion very much.... because i love my parents soooo.....
whenever my grandmother comes to my house,such time definitely i asked her to explain my mothers childhood days... and my grandmother says all childhood days...and i listen very carefully.
At that time i feel very much proud because my parents do some prestigious things in my village...that's why my village people gives more respect to my family...
have a nice day
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
9 Feb 10
How wonderful to hear people who love to listen to their family's history through the words of their parents and grandparents! It is a treasure beyond price.
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
9 Feb 10
Your parents are fortunate to have a child who cherishes the stories they have to tell. Be sure they know how proud you are of them. Nothing makes a parent feel better than knowing they are appreciated by their children.
