Facing the storms of life

I have felt really small almost all my life...not just literally because i'm actually short LOL, but in the sense of everything...but the most that really hit me is when it comes to career. But I cope up by praying real hard and being serious in every task I do. In time I try to count my blessings and learn from my major mistakes in life. Just try to be positive even when everything is really down...always think that there will come a time when everything will be ok. Hold on to any positive thoughts you may have right now and it would help you push through in life hardships. Hold on...hang on...be strong...you'll be ok after that and for many years to come. Good luck...happy mylotting.

In my second pregnancy I had some devastating news. I had got through the twenty week ultrasound scan. Then at thirty six weeks pregnancy I had found out my son has spina bifida and hydrocephalus. I felt worried out of my mind. The day after I found out the terrible news I visited the fetal medicine unit. I had an awful day of ultrasound scans, touring the special care baby unit and seeing the birthing unit. I decided to stand strong and continue with my plans for the home birth that I had planned. I felt like my wishes had been left behind because so many people wanted me to have a hospital birth. I ignored my midwifes calls and then when she finally agreed to me having a home birth I knew that I could get through what lay ahead me. My son was born at home after an easy two and a half hour labor. He went off in an ambulance to the special care baby unit. He had two operations and then came home three weeks later. I learned to take care of my special needs and disabled son. Caring for him has made me a better person. Rather than stay unnoticed my wishes for my son are being heard.

I have felt so small and unnoticed. Quite a few years ago my dad, my sister and I were sitting at the kitchen table. There was an opening in the conversation and I spoke. To my surprise my dad began speaking, directed at my sister, before I finished my sentence. It was like I wasn't even there. This made me upset and i left the table. I was quite young at the time but I did feel that I was invisible, not even there, not even part of the conversation. Time got me over it but I have never forgotten. I can still feel what I did back then, here today, some 30 years later. I am not even sure what I learned from it. Perhaps that some members of my family can be somewhat self absorbed and that i am overly sensitive. If anything it made me be a better listener and to engage in conversations where other are not only willing but want to hear what I have to say. I have felt lonely and unloved. Often in fact. I learn to get along with loneliness. Be be comfortable alone. I know that I am loved by some, even though I don't always feel it. When I feel those feelings, I tend to turn inward and appreciate myself for who I am to myself. I am okay spending quality time with myself. I get to get things done that I don't otherwise have time for too which is always cool. I will take my dog for a walk and actually engage with her when she is exploring. Watching her reactions, leaves no doubt that she loves me as much as I love her, even though it is a dog, she is my pal. Even when humans are not failing me, my expectations, I always have my dog. Speaking of which, expectations; I find that if i do not expect anything from anyone, I am left feeling less alone,left behind,unnoticed if interaction with them is less than best.

Yes, I have felt all of the above, and yes, it does make you a better, more resilient person.

Well i have gone through this face and heck i know how i managed through. I felt that i was loved by no one and everyone were just using me. But i was wrong. Sometimes failures, betrayals and friends make you feel small in life and make you feel alone, left behind, far away from the world but you must understand that all this is just a part of life. You have to just move on and if you are determined one day you will show everyone what you are capable of becoming. This is what i have learnt and yes i feel a way better and reformed person now.