Do you experience this kind of person?
By smileonstar
@smileonstar (4007)
United States
February 14, 2010 2:18pm CST
HI,
this is just something I want to know and I want to get some advice from mylot friends. Well, if you love someone and he used to love you but now everything has change in between. Sometime, he shows how much he loves u but sometimes he doesn't, what should you do about this? And another thing, when he wants you to be his model (taking picture) and he was saying, he saw someone has make up on and they look so pretty, why can't u do like them? lolz... what should u do and say? Well, this one was happened to me yesterday. My husband said what I stated and I was like what? me and the real model is different... if u want me to make up, just say so.
When he was shooting the picture... he asked me to act like this and like that, which I did. but he said I dont look real in the picture... and he got mad and kept on saying I am not a good model for him. I was stuck and didn't say anything... and I felt like he doesn't like to be around with me, he doesn't like to take my picture either... ok, am I look so bad in the picture? lolz... I am not that pretty as model does and I am not interesting to be a model either... So, what can I do? Another thing, I dont understand man... He seem like he never appropriate what he has and especially me. If so, why dont he leave.
All his family like me cuz I am a hard worker and very responsible for the things I do and say. And im not saying im better than him but I hate when someone compare me to someone else that I am not.
Now, I want u, my friends, to say something and give me some advice on this one. And today is Valentine's day... do you think he gets something for me? or u want to bet? Trust me, he said it is nothing important... of course, it might not but I just want him to show me some love. I love him but he is not loving me... and I hate the way I feel.
1 person likes this
15 responses
@savypat (20216)
• United States
14 Feb 10
If I understand you, this sounds like a man looking for an excuse to leave. If I were you I would insist upon a good conversation to get to the bottom of the situation. Wouldn't it be better to push for some understanding then to worry yourself with all this insecurity. If the relationship is going bad I want to know, I don't want to spend my life in worry over someone who wants something different. Remember you are only in charge of yourself and if he has lost interest
you can't change him. Good Luck to you.
1 person likes this
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
14 Feb 10
HI,
Thanks, I did talk to him... I asked and asked and did a nice sit down but he said I am CRAZY, and I like to pushing him around over a little thing. He said, he will not leaving me, and he said I am not going to do that either. Everyday, he afraid that I might have someone that's why I talked to him like about yesterday. He even double checked my facebook to see if I have some secret messages from some guys... lolz. I dont even have someone talk to me on facebook, and I just go there to play game.
Do you think, this is the way he is or what? I have two children... and if I leave my children with him just to take care for one day... believe me, he will going crazy, but I always help him out. I go to work, most of my customers always tell me how nice I look, and sometimes they wants me to be their model in the studio ... but I never go... they used to see my wedding picture and they said this is just nice and they wants me redo like that for them... and they would pay good money for me, but I refused cuz of who? not cuz of him?
Im just not that pretty but can catch up with some guys though.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Feb 10
smileonstar now I am worried, he is controlling you and next he will be preventing you from going out, and then starts with his fists, he is becoming a wife batterer and better you know now before he gets to the hitting stage, he is jealous, he has to possess you, and rule you, this is not love, this is an obession, If I were you I would be thinking of ending this marriage before he escalates into insulting remarks and then physical violence.So you are not going to leave him either,eh.dear you have a very mixed up emotionally ill man here and I would get the hell out of this marriage with my kids, go to a battered womans shelter before he gets to the hitting part.Call the police and get the address,then get the kids and you and get out of there.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
15 Feb 10
Are the children his? He sounds like a vrey insecure person and I doubt he will go for outside help. So first you have to obtain saftey for your children and yourself. Our world is so full of violence that I am afraid for you. Pleasse do what you need to do to get protection and then you can think about a way to end this problem.
@floridia (296)
• Algeria
14 Feb 10
hi smileonstar
i have just read your post and i feel sorry for that.
i think your hasbund want you to change routine, i think you live in a killer routine, he wants to discover new things about you.
if you are not well taking care of him he will try to look for another, those are men.
try to do new things, share with him his interest and hobby, ask about his news and what he did in work, try to get making love a new experience for him.
finally woman is the key of the man, you are the only one person who understands the needs of your hasbund.
good luck
i want to hear good new next time
1 person likes this
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
14 Feb 10
HI, thanks for sharing with me. I tried and I love him so much and I show but he seem to be like nothing happened. I feel dull. Of course, I changed... I always look good before I go with him... but no matter how I look, even other men keep their eyes on me, he never say I look nice at all. Each day, I always ask him how his day, how the shooting thing... (he still taking class and I am the one that bring money home, he help sometimes)
Another thing, if he is ready for another woman... then I will let him go cuz I have been hurt for many years and he acts like nothing happened
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
17 Feb 10
It sounds as though your husband is taking you for granted and trying to control you. I used to be in a relationship like that and it was not healthy for me. By the time I walked away I had no self esteem left and I am still recovering now, many years later. I am not suggesting you leave your husband but my advice is to talk to him and let him know how much he is hurting you and the idea is to keep on telling him until he gets it. I think you should know that it is no way acceptable for your partner to compare you to other girls and attempt to change you; he should love you and admire for who you are and what you look like!
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
17 Feb 10
HI, I did talk to him... but u know and I think u have been follow my other discussions about him as well right? he will be sorry right there and didn't realized how much he hurt me. He just realized only when I bring it up and if I dont then it is just nothing happen to him. One thing that i taught myself is not to loose control over him. It was hurt at the moment but then awhile later, I dont care who he is and what he does.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
18 Feb 10
He sounds a lot like my ex. It's good that you don't let him control how you feel but you do have to ask yourself whether you are happy with him and that is a question only you can answer. I am so tired of men treating women badly, I know they are not all bad but I wish I had not given my number to so many of them! I did find a good one eventually; he just needs to learn to listen and communicate but we cannot change them and neither should we want to, I guess there is no perfect man just like there is no perfect woman...
@1anurag1 (3576)
• India
14 Feb 10
I think you know the truth but dont want to accept it.
i think you dont want to accept the reality and just desperate about that guy. i think the guy may be good or bad i am not sure. but if he is good he knows and dont want to hurt you in any way.
buti think you know well the situation and this is my advice you go far from him if he follows you he loves you and if he does not come you must prepare your self.
very harsh but true
1 person likes this
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
14 Feb 10
thx for sharing this with me. I think you might got some part are right... I dont know how he is now and plus I dont want to know. I dont want to get to know him more like I used to... cuz everytime, I know... and put all my love to him, then I got hurt. I already prepare for myself and I am ready. thx again
1 person likes this
@lovelyn_medrano (3070)
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
Hi smileonstar! I really cannot advice you on this matter, for I am feeling just the same sometimes with my husband... Like he said this and that to me that really hurts me. Why men are really insensitive and very tackless sometimes??? Well that is very annoying, you are just giving him a favor... he asked you to act like a model, when in fact you are not--- it is not your line and trying your best to do what he says only... but then he will say things like that. He is very rude... I honestly, can relate on you.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
17 Feb 10
hi,
I can totally understand what you u mean and how u feel about this cuz it is just like we are in the same foot step. If u need me to share... u can come and hola at me and i will share with u. thx and hope they learn someday... another thing, when they loose us then they start to realized how well and how value of this woman.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
15 Feb 10
HI,
thx, see! u know how I really felt right? I did what he asked for but then he started to compare me to this and that which I am not. I am a very open person and as he already knew, so why dont he just tell me what on his mind. I said, well... do u want to shoot or not, if u think I can't do it then dont have to. U can check out the picture that I posted in some reply comment. as I see people here said that they can't stand with this kind of marriage but I did and I still do it cuz I love him and not just a simple love... I love for the rest of my life and even more, I have children for him but I just dont understand why man never realized it. Do they think woman has rock heart? and they can split or push around? sometime, I tell him that everyone is the same and the different is boy and girl but everything is the same... u have a heart then I have one too, when u feel the pain then I also can feel the same, so please dont treat me like a doll person.
@lovelyn_medrano (3070)
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
Hi again smileonstar! Is that avatar of yours is one of the photos he shot? Well, I don't see anything bad...
I am also saying that to my husband, smileonstar. I am a human -- who has heart and feelings too... I am not a rock that has no emotions... It is so saddening that there are really men who are insensitive and tactless... They don't think first before they talk. When they are feeling low, they tend to pull us down too by making negative remarks like that.
I totally think that they are immmature. They need to grow and understand... Sometimes I feel that he doesn't love me... for if he does and it is his way of showing it... I rather not be loved by him... Sometimes I wished to be numb.
@warvial (1146)
• Singapore
15 Feb 10
After reading what you went through and standing in your shoes, I would tell him that I definitely is not comparable with a real model because that's not my profession and I am who I am. (This is a way for me to express my frustration to him). Put aside my frustration and back to your topic, I would like to ask if you have communicate with him about what you felt, and why things are like that lately? Although I am not yet anywhere near to married status, but I believe in every relationship, there are different stages. It could be a changeover stage right now where things might need some adjustments and finding the cause would be the best way to deal with this situation.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
15 Feb 10
HI,
I did talk to him but seem like he doesn't care much about that. he thinks I am crazy over a little thing, so I did let it go.
Believe me, man is something and something u will never expect... they never enough and they never appreciate on what u do even u tried so hard. If I could change the time back then I would and I will not be in relationship cuz it is very painful
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
15 Feb 10
thx again. of course I think positive that's why I can stay in this married... I used to think I will leave him but I didn't do cuz of my children. Even now, I give up everything for my own children' happiness and for my own? I never have one and that's ok cuz everything is totally cool
@warvial (1146)
• Singapore
15 Feb 10
Hi, I totally understand what you meant about man's action. I hope that things will goes right for you and your husband because it takes a lot of effort for two strangers to become partners and then wife and husband. Seeing how couples maintain their marriages, there are times where things doesn't goes well but after the tough times, they will look back and smile and chat about those were the days, be it good or bad. So think positively and things might just move for the better!
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
16 Feb 10
i would have told him to stuff it myself if he talked to me that way..but then,i'm forward like that.
i don't know what to tell you other than life's too short to hang out with people who don't appreciate you.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
16 Feb 10
thx. I know everything seem like it. But I still want to stay with him and love him as I used to. I hope some days, he realized that I am the only person who care for him all the time
@yushen1008 (357)
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
oh my... don't be harsh on yourself. you know what, i think the best thing to do is start gaining your self back and accept and love yourself for who you are, and not for what he is trying you to be... a different person. coz in the end, if you'll just wanna please him, you'll end up losing your own character and making you feel insecure.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
15 Feb 10
HI,
I dont like to pretend to be someone that I am not and I dont change myself either. you know, I feel very comfortable about myself a lot than others but if he doesnt the way I am then I dont care. I told him, if u want someone better to take picture then hire a model and I am not a model either.
Sometime, I dont say anything but I dont want him to take my picture either just don't want to get any words out.
@sanjana_aslam (4187)
• Malaysia
15 Feb 10
you have been the responsible and hard woker, which is why your inlaws like you ..
maybe you can bring up some adventure in your life .. be spontaneous leave out the routine hen you are with him.. try having funfor a change , try rekindleing your love .. dont take it for granted that he is your husband when doing things ..
just have fun when he asks you to model rather than judgemental ..
REMEMBER this they (your husband) is trying to love you again ~ i say this because , there was one point where my husband was making phone calls to me continuesly for some time and i wondered why coz he never done this, finally he told me, he was tempted by some other atractive ladies at his workplace and he needed to remind himself of me and that i was there waiting for him ..
i changed .. i started to care for how i look ..to be attractive for him, as well as spend some precious romantic moments with him..
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
15 Feb 10
thx... I got better feeling now... of course, I did change some but to tell u the truth, he never tell me how good I look even I did my best.
I wish he would call me several time in a day... sometimes, he doesn't even bother the phone, and when I call... he just talks a bit and then that's it.
I do everything, work, cook, clean, care for him, be there for him, and take care of my two children... I work like 3-4 people in one house. ok, i will show u my picture on that day
@messageme (2821)
• United States
17 Feb 10
Tell him how you feel. Tell him if he don't like what he has then leave and go find what he thinks would be better. Tell him you love him, but don't feel like he is giving you the same love back. Ask him if he is happy with you, if not then why don't he leave. Why does he stick around? Tell him these things, ask him. Bring it up front to him if that don't make a difference then you should leave, which I'm sure would be really hard if you love him, but why be treated like a phesant when someone out there will treat you like a queen.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
17 Feb 10
HI, I did talk and asked him to leave me but he wont and I did try to leave him... and he just come back and get me back... I didn't want at first but my children just like Daddy Daddy... I need u to come home. so, what would u say when u heard ur children crying and asking for someone that they always love. It is just hard for me to do it
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
For me don't waste your time to hassle your heart he is not meant for you the God has his own time that time is not yet start for you.
@bluevergil (48)
• Indonesia
15 Feb 10
i'm not a master on love problem, in fact i'm just a newbie :)
but from what i feel that love covers pain, sadness, everything.
so, keep loves him. because to grow love needs time.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
15 Feb 10
hi, newbie... lolz
I have been loving him for over 10 years now, we got married about 7 years and have two children... But I tried my best to get everything work, it is just sometime blow me off. who will stand with him until today if u know how he is
@myguy09 (63)
• Malaysia
15 Feb 10
Don't look down on yourself.Just enjoy the moments you have with him.Why don't you show him some of pictures of both of you before married and tell him how you miss it.Always praise him for what he has.Maybe you could ask him to be a model for others and let him learn your hardship just to satisfy him.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
15 Feb 10
hi,
He is good with shooting picture but he is not good with posting... u know how to tell model act? lolz..
@hirensojitra (67)
• India
15 Feb 10
well, in this seatution you need to prepare for yourself, you have to change for whom you loving. i am sure he is loving you lot, but he need some change having some expectation. which are need to be fullfill. it take time but it will show you positive result.
my seatuation is same like you thats why i am telling you my wife same as like you. but she know that something inside me need to change. she always trying her best to do. if she just try to do best just trying will gives you positive result.
and just minimize your expectations. i am sure definatly one day your hubby realize that that your the best for him.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
15 Feb 10
so this is what man wants? that's why other said, they are never enough on anything. and it is not fair for another partner either cuz u always want her to change and did u change for her back? if u did then you are equal.
For me, I always do something for him but seem like he never done his part. lolz... can't say anything about that cuz it never work. I will show u my picture on that day. the rest, he made like an old picture... so check it out if u think this is not enough
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
15 Feb 10
you are right... I dont want to regret on what I do but I think this statement should be my husband thought. U dont know how hard I tried to make this marriage work and he did nothing, he pretended nothing happened. I work, I take care of kids and take care of the house, make sure the food on the table and him? what else he does? I dont mind of those works but at least give me some value of being his wife. You are right, I never realized on what I have until it's gone... I will never do cuz all the thing I did are too much just for a man. And he can go out there and find a woman like me, im not saying I am the Best but I want him to try other woman.
U know how many hours I work? from 5am to 7pm, both taking care of children and guess what? I worked until I also had my baby at work.
