Family..How Do I Distance Myself From Them?
By NadiaAllStar
@NadiaAllStar (162)
United States
February 15, 2010 11:33pm CST
It's been awhile since i've been on here but theres so much going on in my life now a days. I need some serious advice on this one. So I'm pretty much surrounded by family. For the past year or two its just becoming so overwhelming to deal with them all and the problems that come with them. Im the youngest of 5 and yet everyone comes to me with the problems. Some would think that was a blessing I dont! I have my own problems in my life Im married for 7 yrs with issues like every marriage and I have a 9 yr son. My brothers kids come to me with there non-sense and everyday my mom calls me to complain about my 40something yr old brother who lives with her. Im sick of everyone, now my nephew has a girlfriend they just had a baby and I love this baby but cant deal with all the non-sense that comes with it. The girl is young she does'nt know how to take care of this baby she leaves this baby with whoever will watch her and its fustrating to everyone, especially me cause i cant say anything thats not my child. Thats a frustration throughout the whole family but thats not my child. Im just literally getting sick of this B/S. I just want to disappear..be gone...change my number and puff all is solved...but is that even possible? How do I begin to distance myself from my family and the drama...Everynite I think about what each individual family member does for me or how they serve a purpose and the only ones that benefit me because they do so much for my son are my mother and father. I cant stand anyone else in my family...love them, but dont need them they dont benefit me. Im really stressed out!!! Any Advice Will Greatly Help? Oh PS..I cant move anywhere thats just not even possible for me at this time so yeah that wont do it. ;)
1 person likes this
4 responses
@AcousticSoul (1309)
• United States
16 Feb 10
I can truly understand where you are coming from, family is not the easiest thing to just remove out of your life because I am sure you were raised to always love them and be there for them no matter what. Just like you I have a very large family My mother is the keeper of everything and by that I mean she is the one in the middle of all the unnecessary drama and she likes to call me and vent about it. I politely tell my mom I don't want to hear about it and I will pray for peace in your life! She knows not to call me :o) I for one am drama free. I don't tolerate it or listen to it... I don't give input or advice. if its BS everyone knows not to come to me. I make that very clear and one way I make that clear is when they come to me with it I am so truthful it hurts I don't hold nothing back because of feelings I give it to them raw and if they don't like it... then don't bring it to me.
I know its not easy to just do that depending on your personality and I don't want to sound like I am hard, I'm a very nice person I just don't put myself in situations to where I have to deal with the nonsense. I make sure my life is surrounded by other things that don't involve the silly people.Im a full time student, worker and Im a full time wife and Church attendant and if they are not about those things then we have nothing to talk about LOL...
My advise to you is to be honest let them know you love them but you don't need the extra drama, then make a new world for you your husband and your child. there is nothing wrong with dis-associating yourself from your family, you have your own life and they have theirs.
1 person likes this
@NadiaAllStar (162)
• United States
17 Feb 10
Thanks I totally understand what you mean! My problem is I have to learn to stop being worried about hurting their feelings. I dont want to hurt anyones feelings but this is just to stressful, it literally causes me anxiety..
But Im gonna have to pray for the strength and be honest and slowly dis-associate myself from them. Thanks
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Feb 10
nadiaallstar Love them but dont need them they dont benefit me.
okay so you look at people with an eye to whether or not they benefit you, wow. thats really cold. okay get your hubby and your child and move across the US or wherever it is you live.,maybe you dont have the wherewithal but surely if you have a husband and he is wo rking, other
than that I have no real clue as I am not a people user, People are not commodities like your washing machine or stove, maybe you could try saying no it you do not want to do something. Also if you do not like something just speak out, say I dont like that, I will not do that,get someone else. If you tell them what you wrote aout they do not serve a purpose of they dont benefit you I can almost guarantee they will really leave you alone. I am glad you did not include your parents in that harsh unkind statement.
@EvrWonder (3571)
• Canada
16 Feb 10
Well said Hatley! Re: "people are not commodities like your washing machine" and "that is really cold". I agree. Now, nadiaallstar, may I respond to your discussion in kind? (see below)
@NadiaAllStar (162)
• United States
16 Feb 10
@Hatley & @EvrWonder OKKK...1st of all Hatley thanks 4 responding but...i guess i should of used a better term than benefit thats a word used being sarcastic not mean or hard...,(MEANING) IM CALLED UPON BUT WHEN I NEED IN RETURN EVERYONE GOES DUMB...SO MY BADD,. im sure u've heard that before, i dont no where ur from but im assuming u have. 2nd what i was trying to say is that im tired of being used and dealing with all the drama and everyone looking 4 me to solve or bail them out, etc.. Sooo im trying to figure out where u get the assumption that im a PEOPLE USER if i clearly stated in my story that everyone calls upon me.. either u dont no what a PEOPLE USER means or did u read it? or u just wanted to get that money and a higher number next to ur name...
@kaylachan (69808)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
17 Feb 10
Becoming distant with your family isn't always the answer to the problem. You need to talk to them and try to get them to back off. I'm sure they think they are doing right by you, but in reality family members can often hurt without knowing they are. If you really feel they are doing more harm then good, call them out on it. Tell them streight out what you're really think and how you feel. you tend to stress yourself out more worying what might happen. You need to consider something else entirely.
You have to make it cleanr you know what's best for you and your son.
@vigneshindian (203)
• India
17 Feb 10
Hey Nadia ,
i can understand your frustration , these things are part of life and even i have experienced it . First thing you need to understand is that apart from your parents rest all relationship are not permanent , you should be able to spend time for your own self and not worry about others . You can be happy once u know and segregate who all are important people in your life . If you don't like something you can just walk out from there or ignore them but if u take everything o heart then problem starts .
so be happy and choose ur relationship accordingly .
cheers
