What will you do if you catch your friends boyfriend flirting online?
By scaflone8
@scaflone8 (190)
Philippines
February 16, 2010 11:29am CST
A very funny but sad situation I got in to last time I chatted online. I was chatting hoping to find someone sincere on a local dating channel in MIRC. This guy message me and we chatted a lot, shared interests and he was quite nice. He asked for my number and he wanted to meet up with. I did ask him if he was single and also for his picture. I was very shocked that it was my friends boyfriend. I gave him my picture in return and for a moment he logged out. I guess he saw my picture. then i tracked his ip address and he was using a new nick. I chatted with him and I was feeling evil at that time and teased him that I will tell on him to my friend. He pleaded and would do anything for me just so that I won't tell my friend of what he was doing. I was a bit intimidated that he had the nerve to say that "Do you want to be the cause of your friend's sadness? He would be if he finds out.". I was not really planning to tell on him for the reason that I don't want to get involve in a messy situation, if he was to be caught cheating it would have been better to leave it on my friend's instinct. But after what he said it really made me wanna tell my friends of his unfaithfulness. Right now I'm still doubting whether to tell my friend or not. My friend is so in love with that stupid guy and I'm quite afraid that he would end up believing him instead of me. What would you do if you were in my shoes?
2 people like this
16 responses
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
I would mention it to my friend and it is up for her to believe or not. but i would not confront his boyfriends and she would be the one that need to caught him. Since, it is their love affair I have nothing to bother it is their problem anyway as long as i keep myself guilty free then i do not like to get involve. I would definitely gives some information but i would not like to be misinterpret and i leave it to the lover to decide their trust and respect if they still working on it and i do hope it is only online flirting not done in real acts which is more hurting to my friend unless he is willing to change then it would be happy ending for both of them...
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
17 Feb 10
I would not get involved by telling my friend this time. But I would tell the guy he is a jerk and he should either be faithful to my friend or let her go and stop cheating on her. I would also tell him that if he decides to stay with my friend and I ever find out he is cheating on her in anyway shape or form I will tell her right away. In other words he would get one very stern warning from me, and if he did it again I would tell.
@jambi462 (4576)
• United States
17 Feb 10
That would be hard because the only friends I have that are girls that have boyfriends that are also my friends would be two of my best friends. It would be hard for me to pick a side in between the two because my guy friend I've known for over 8 years and the girl that is my friend is a sweetheart and I would hate to offend her by not letting her know.
I would definitely help out your friend though because your situation is a little bit different then mine. I can't believe that he would say that about you causing your friend's sadness. He obviously isn't someone that you want your friend dating but I would suggest doing what you feel comfortable with.
@tluanga (767)
• India
17 Feb 10
i may or may not tell my friend. Yes i have seen my friends girlfriend or boyfriend flirting with someone. Mostly i kept my mouth shut, but when i think that they deserve to know i tell them, its depend on what kind of relationship they had.
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
For me I ask my friend that how you sure to that guy if there's something change and I make discouragement to tell I wait the time he can tell me about everything and that the time I have the to tell.
@fireice247 (140)
• Slovak Republic
17 Feb 10
Your situation is truly a trick one.One my friends is flirting around with girls and having a good time while having a long term relationship. Flirting is good even if you are in a relationship, as it keeps your sexually tension at bay.Many doctors or scientist who study the brain and its reactions to different situations, they say that flirting is indeed healthy for the brain and body as it generates certain hormones.I believe flirting is good until the time it doesn't harm anyone.In the situation above the guy went a little over board with his flirting.
In my opinion you should talk to the girl about the guy not directly but in a indirect way.Make her understand that flirting to some extent is good.This will make the girl have a view and understanding about the situation.And if she finds out what her boyfriend has been up to over the internet, she wouldn't take it as a much of threat as before.
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
17 Feb 10
I would laugh, and keep on chatting! Just because a boy flirts online does not make him a cheater. He is not married, or even engaged to be married, so he is a free agent. There should be nothing sad, or funny about this. It seems strange that people who are dating, have the audacity to feel that they are permanently attached to their date, when there is every reason to keep looking for a better match, considering that over 50% of marriages do not last.Why would you buy the first car you drive, without driving any other brand?
@missweety (626)
• Latvia
16 Feb 10
Hello! My answer is one - if I would catch my friends boyfriend flirting online - I would tell my friend! there are no doubts about it because it is my friend and friend you have to treat special! No lying or trying to look better! That is not a relation ship! You have to share with your friend good things and bad things as well! If my friend would know what I know, I would like that she tells me me that! That is my opinion! If you care about your friend - tell her! Life doesn't consists just of good and happy things but of sad and unpleasant as well and friends are there to share everything! And if she is a good friends she will appreciate it!
@shan0822 (433)
• United States
16 Feb 10
It was depand how good you and your friend are. If she is so important to you, you just need to tell her, because it's her life, if you tell her, she could made her choice to still with this boy or not, you just give her the information how this boy really is. If you don't tell her, she just mislook this boy, and make her life wrong, and if she found this on herself you just didn't have friendship with her anymore.
Just tell her what happen and not give any advice to her, let her make her own choice, and it will really help if you save the evidence.
Maybe I will not tell her if we just not so good friends, and I didn't konw her so much.
@kaylachan (68535)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
17 Feb 10
Fliriting is harmless or it can be. Its only as bad as you make it out to be. I wouldn't say anything right away, but if doubt comes up, then your friend has the right to know. Don't get involved right now. Wait it out and see what could happen. If the relationship remains strong you worried over nothing.
I'm in a relationship, I'm the only one to use my computer, and sometimes my partner will tease me. But he's secure enough to know that I'm not out seeing other people. Nor would I do that kind of thing.
@laura_lmaxi (678)
• United States
16 Feb 10
This is such a difficult situation because you are involved, if you would have seen him with another girl I would suggest you to stay quiet. But the fact that guy guys exchange pictures and all that, it makes you part of the situation. I would talk to the friend, and explain her what was happening, what he was doing is the same as cheating, it is exactly the same act, sometimes people think that because they are not sleeping with the person is ok, it is not, because their mind is not with their partners. I would talk to her, very calm, she may love him a lot, and of course she is going to go through rough times but she will be good.
@benz87333angel (104)
• United States
16 Feb 10
I would do the same thing "giftsandbags" said. If you still have proof that he said those things to you, I would go to her and give them to her or tell her and then hand over what you have to show her. She may get upset with you and him but I hope she will understand why you told her.
I have had this happen to me. I was the girlfriend of this guy who liked to go on the internet and find all these side flings to be with. My good friend e-mailed me one day saying that she was talking with my boyfriend. She sent everything from the conversations to me through e-mail. I then was upset and when he wasn't home i logged onto his computer and found even more evidence of what he was doing. That day when he came home I found out he was with another girl that he had found on the internet. I broke up with him and kicked him out of my house. So, in the end I was happy my friend opened my eyes a little to what was going on in my relationship.
I would tell her when you feel comfortable, it may save her even more of a heart break now then later. Good luck!
@hadriai (11)
•
16 Feb 10
It is a really tough question what to do in these situations.
1. This is not your life and your relationships, so why do you bother yourself?
2. She is your friend and the guy try to cheat on her - do you know actualy if he cheated on her?
3. If you tell your friend her boyfriend cheats on her maybe she won't believe you. And if she so in love she can end your friendship. But after a time when she will find out, the guy cheated on her she will come back to you and you will have your friend back.
4. Think about what would you do in her situation: would you prefer to know the truth or would you prefer to keep loving the guy in totaly blindness.
When you get into a bad situation and you have to react, just sit down and think about what would you do in the other's place. How would you feel if you know or if you not. And follow your instincts and measures. She will live with or without the truth. But can you live with this kind of secret?
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
16 Feb 10
hi, this situation has happened to me only on a different scenerio. in my case, I caught my bestfriend's girlfriend flirting and dating with another guy. I did tell my bestfriend about it but he just shooed me off as if I was making one of my usual jokes, as I usually did. I really tried to convince him that I was telling the truth but I guess it was really har d for himm to accept it immediately. Eventually, he did find out that his girl was indeed dating someone else and so atleast he was forewarned. In your case, I think you should weigh the consequences. You should ask yourself if you really care about your friend or maybe would rather just stay out of trouble. Of course, what you're friend doesn't know wouldn't hurt but then again, she'll find out eventually.It's just a matter of choosing to be a good friend or a true friend, sometimes you can be both other times you have to choose either.
@persona_touch (1701)
• United States
16 Feb 10
I would do nothing cus i'm tired of trying to help people and they don't belkive me and when they finoly do its to late so i won't say anything.
