Is it wrong to have expectations from those you feel close to?or is it better no
By kiran8
@kiran8 (15348)
Mangalore, India
February 18, 2010 7:25am CST
Friends, I have always felt that individuals have always had some kind of expectations from those that are close to them - it may be your spouse, children, siblings, relatives or friends. As we graduate to a closer relationship with people we also begin to have some expectations from them and I feel that this feeling is mutual.ut if it is overdone it may be resented at times or taken for granted at other times...I personally feel that it is a natural feeling between people who come close to one another ...I also feel that there is no relationship in this world that is unconditional...
What do you all say? is it possible to be close to someone and yet have absolutely no expectations of any kind?....Is there a level upto which one can do so in any relationship and is it possible to say that one can expect so much and no further...
3 people like this
19 responses
@daliaj (5674)
• India
18 Feb 10
It is quite natural to expect more from the people who are close to us. We will be under big disappointment when we don't get what we expected from them. So, it is always good to be in the neutral side. It is safe to expect less even from people who are close to you. So, you will be very happy when you get more than what you expected. This is called trying to be practical. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
18 Feb 10
Hi daliaj, thanks a lot for your response 
...I know it is better to be practical than be morose and unhappy having too many expectations from someone who you feel close to...but sometimes it can be difficult, we are human and we do have our ups and downs ...all the best
...I know it is better to be practical than be morose and unhappy having too many expectations from someone who you feel close to...but sometimes it can be difficult, we are human and we do have our ups and downs ...all the best
Boy, when you lower ALL your expectations and then they do something nice to you like a raise or something like that you get all happy and say : "gee, I love my boss"! 
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
18 Feb 10
Kiran! Good post. We have to cultivate this Kiran.
I normally do no take anything or anyone for granted but I make the basic mistake of giving space to people thereby allowing them to take me for granted.I have been hurt terribly on account of this ..We must never expect anything from anyone.When we give far too much[beyond our capacity we would also tend to expect soemthing.]We must also define limits straightaway.
In the closest of relationships , there is less heartache if we do not expect anything from anyone.There is defintely a limit for anything and 'thus far and no further' is not impossible.I normally hate to ask anyone anything.I have had my desires fulfilled and would never desire anything that cannot be fulfilled.
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
18 Feb 10
Yes Kiran! I can identify so well with what you have written.I too have had some hurtful experiences which made me rethink a lot of things about people.It is best to view everything with detachment even in the closest of circles.'Detached attachment ' as prescribed in the Gita is cure for all ills.But it is easier said than done.
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
18 Feb 10
When I meant' gving far too much' I meant by way of 'efforts' Kiran.Soemtimes we would stretch ourselves and would feel hurt when we are scorned or just taken for granted.THis is what I meant.As far as material things go, I feel it is better not to expect anything from anyone.Keeping our desires under control is the best key to success.
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
18 Feb 10
Hi kala, thanks a lot for your responseI too never ever take anyone for granted.But I havealways been taken for granted and have been hurt a lot...So much so that ow I feel that it is better not to attach too much importance or give too much importance to anone in life.I feel that as you get closer the expectations also rise and thats what makes you vulnerable...And as for material things, I have never really bothered too much about it at any time..
I feel that it is best not to give too much of oneself and also expect too much from others, just take things as they come - all the best and take care kala
I too never ever take anyone for granted.But I havealways been taken for granted and have been hurt a lot...So much so that ow I feel that it is better not to attach too much importance or give too much importance to anone in life.I feel that as you get closer the expectations also rise and thats what makes you vulnerable...And as for material things, I have never really bothered too much about it at any time..
I feel that it is best not to give too much of oneself and also expect too much from others, just take things as they come - all the best and take care kala
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
20 Feb 10
Hi Kiran
There is nothing wrong to expect something from closed ones. But the problem is expectations may hurt us, means the other people can’t come upto the expectations of us then it definitely give us a hurt feeling. So, better not to expect or reduce the expectations is good to avoid unnecessary hurting. At the same time expectations are leading us to move forward.
There is nothing wrong to expect something from closed ones. But the problem is expectations may hurt us, means the other people can’t come upto the expectations of us then it definitely give us a hurt feeling. So, better not to expect or reduce the expectations is good to avoid unnecessary hurting. At the same time expectations are leading us to move forward.
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
20 Feb 10
Hi Sreekala, Yes that is part of life,one gets hurt and then one is happy when the expectations are met with...One may say that it is better not to expect anything from anyone, but life becomes dull without something to look forward to...All the best and have a great Sunday Sreekala
@vandana7 (100314)
• India
20 Feb 10
Hi kiran, I have long ceased to live in utopian world, and fictional love. We have expectations from our loved ones, and much higher than what is justified. We dont forgive their failures. In fact, they are like somebody attached to us on a string called relationship or friendship. Whenever we remember some wrong, we pull that string up and bash them up. :(
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
21 Feb 10
Hi vandana, I think you have made a very valid point there.We probably do so at times , or may be all the time, expecting too much out of a relationship which the other person may not be able to fulfil...But again , one would have expectations only when there is a ertain amount hope,trust and a certain amount of confidence in the other person and these are built after interacting with people over a period of time...All the best vandana, have a great day
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
22 Feb 10
Ummm yes I see your point...you know balancing and maintaing human realtionships is a very difficult job. One can never be sure if one is doing the right things or not...and all our life is spent on one or the other balancing act...nice thoughts from you vandana, a bit of self anlysis always helps us...
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100314)
• India
21 Feb 10
Actually kiran, it is our failure for which we bash them up! If we are clear about how much we want to give and what we dont want to give, we would have defined those boundaries. And they would not have crossed. But we have this once this side, and once that side attitude. At times we just want to be good for being good's sake rather than really feeling it in our hearts. We dont have guts to say no. So if the punishment comes, we should take it, instead of tormenting loved ones I suppose, who are as confused with our attitude as we ourselves are.
@Picquarian (724)
• United States
22 Feb 10
I don't think that it is wrong to have expectations of people, especially those who we are close to to. I expect people to be kind, no matter if I am close to them are not. I expect people I am close to to be caring, understanding and supportive.
@Idealisticgirl (392)
• Philippines
29 Apr 10
There's nothing wrong with it actually. But better not expect something because this might make you depressed and frustrated..
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
18 Feb 10
i guess this is natural, but if you expect with others i am sure they will expect something from you as well. sometimes there are people who can not fulfill something because of schedule or there are more priorities. when it comes to spouse you need to talk about this expectations. me and my wife always talk about this on what she expects from me and what i expect her to do for me. i wont let her assume and i wont let her guess what i want. it is better that we should talk about it. same with children and parents relationship. it is better to talk about it than just letting them guess on what are the expectations. so if the other party can not fulfill it will be open and can not create stress. just my opinion.
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
19 Feb 10
Hi se7,I agree it is always mutual.In any relationship it has to be a mutual feeling shared by the individuals involved.You know the way you are handling the sitation with your wife is very wise and practical.that shows that you have good communication between the two of you - all the best and thanks for our response
@scaflone8 (190)
• Philippines
20 Feb 10
Its better not to although you can't help it. But its better that way because you won't get hurt. Everyone of us has to make our own decision and we have to respect that. Those decision may not be acceptable to us but the other person made it so we have to accept. All we have to do as friends, family or lover. Is to give advices share our input but in the end is their choice so it is really not applicable to set expectations to someone if possible because of he or she may not comply to your expectations you would be disappointed and a gap will arise from it. :)
@yugasini (12893)
• Secunderabad, India
19 Feb 10
hi kiran,
there are several types of people in the world,after getting help from others they leave them for the wind that is common in our relations,children,parents,siblings,friends etc etc,but due to some difficulty they my do like that,but they have to inform the situation to us and we have to listen their words also,and we must give a chance to them,if they prove it correct,that is happy to us and them also,have a nice day
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
19 Feb 10
My dear great kiran, I expect from my close associates that they should be reciprocal.They will share my thoughts and feelings. I don't like selfish
people who only want to get but not interested to give in return.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
18 Feb 10
I agree with you..there is no relationship that is unconditional,in many ways.
Even GOD,expect us to follow HIS rules,for our own betterment,and welfare.
If God expects us to be good followers,so,i think it's not bad to expects something from our loved ones.
Expecting in return doesn't mean that we are looking forward for some reward,but,expecting some love and gestures of appreciation.
A simple thank you from our friends,or loved ones when we give them gift is not too much to expect to hear from them.
A hug or kiss from our kids/partners/family is never a luxury to expect from them.
Those were simple actions that we expect from our loved ones...and it is a natural feeling to feel loved and appreciated by our family and friends.
How God shows His love to us...that is how God also expect us to love HIM in return.
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
19 Feb 10
Exactly my thoughts jaiho...any gesture would do to show that they too care.I think what one is looking for is that assurance that you are wanted because everyone wants to be special to someone or the other in life ...Thanks a lot for your response, all the best and have a great evening
@careguarden (5670)
• Philippines
19 Feb 10
I don't think it could be bad to have expectations to those people whom you are close. As long as those expectations were realistic, since we know those person and we're aware of their abilities and capacity to fulfill or perform those responsibilities and expectations we give. I believe that expectations being meet will strengthen the relationship.
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
19 Feb 10
Hi, thanks a lot for your response.It depnds as to what is realistic and what is no...sometimes we may have overestimated and had too many expectations.But one learns with experience.I agree that when our expectations are met with, they do strengthen the relationship - all the best and happy mylotting
@MrKennedy (1978)
•
18 Feb 10
It is very normal to have expectations of those close to us, because we want to see them do well for themselves and have a good life, instead of wasting it and being miserable
@love_to_read (72)
• Philippines
19 Feb 10
i think, its impossible to have not expected something from someone you grow to love. It is but a natural law.. even parents expect something from their children when they are adults. You may say that your not expecting in return, but in truth you are expecting. I think its just right to expect, what is wrong is to expect so much than the person is willing to give back.
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
19 Feb 10
Hi, thanks a lot for your response You are absolutely right,there is mutual give and take in all aspects of life and so also in relationships..But then it depends on the individuals as to how much they are willing to give and how much they are willing to take - all the best
You are absolutely right,there is mutual give and take in all aspects of life and so also in relationships..But then it depends on the individuals as to how much they are willing to give and how much they are willing to take - all the best
@balasri (26537)
• India
18 Feb 10
It is not at all wrong and definitely very natural.But the expectations should not be of material value.The problem lies in what do you expect from the people close to you.If you expect affection,love and care from the ones close to you it is absolutely fine provided you also give them abundantly what you expect from them.
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
18 Feb 10
When we talk about sharig affection,love and care only, then it becomea an idyllic situation, not an every day one.I doubt it money can be kept apart in expectations.Like a wife does expect her husband to take care of her and provide her with what she wants, especially so when she is not working...Children expect parents to provide them with good education and comfortable life and so on...When there is mutual trust and compatibility there is no problem.....
@incognitomitr (138)
• India
18 Feb 10
It's not wrong at all to have expectations with our close people... its natural... but at the same time we also need to be positive to accept if your expectations havent been reached by other person... it may be not possible to the other person to reach our expectation all the time... in that case, we need not to feel low or betrayed or anything like that...
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
18 Feb 10
Hi mitr, welcome to mylot and thanks for adding me to your friend list...Yes you are right in what you say.Thats where feelings come in.It happens most of the time with people and can lead to major misunderstandings...that's why it is better not to have too many expectations in life from anything or anyone - all the best and happy mylotting
Yes you are right in what you say.Thats where feelings come in.It happens most of the time with people and can lead to major misunderstandings...that's why it is better not to have too many expectations in life from anything or anyone - all the best and happy mylotting
@Aaleexix (2290)
• India
18 Feb 10
People are cooperative minded creature and never be fulfill alone. In every step of life we need helps from other. So when we feel someone as a near and rear one then we have some kinds of acceptation from them. We live on mutual understanding. Giving and taking is human nature. So everyone has acceptation from their spouse, children, siblings, relatives or friends. But problem is that if those acceptation is not fulfilled then we feel sad. We can't free our hope from a near and dear one, but if we limit in the acceptation it is better for us.
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
18 Feb 10
Hi Aaleexix, thanks a lot for your response I agree that we are always interdependant and we need others around us.There is no meaning to life without your close and loved ones...So it becomes natural for us to have expectations from them..all the best and happy mylotting
I agree that we are always interdependant and we need others around us.There is no meaning to life without your close and loved ones...So it becomes natural for us to have expectations from them..all the best and happy mylotting @Nirishasol (879)
• India
18 Feb 10
Yes it is right that we do expect our friends and they always let us down. But sometime what we never expect that gonna happen by our friends only so i think that its 50%yes and 50%no.
@besthope44 (12123)
• India
18 Feb 10
Yes true we expect something from our beloved ones and we get much disappointed.
Best thing in life is what ever you expect do to your close ones. You may not get what you expected, but can always do what your expectations. And live your life
happily!!
