What should you do with a child who has very bad behavior?

First of all, in the real world, $10.00 per hour for a fifteen year old is a fortune. He would more likely be offered minimum wage by anyone else. Secondly, if he does not live with you, you have not got a chance to do much to change his mind, other than let him make a reality check about the cost of things. Be sure to include insurance and health care on those lists. If he drops out, he can always go back when the world smacks him along side the head. I would look into alternative schools, though and see if he could get on a fast track to complete his diploma requirements. Some people cannot be argued with and you will just have to let him experience the natural consequences. My great niece was enrolled in a charter school, and was to do all of her work online, etc.because school was too hard. She is back in high school, a semester behind, but she learned that lesson for herself at sixteen. At least he realizes he would have to get a job. He needs to call some folks and see what kind of job he could get without a diploma.

I taught at an Outreach school for several years. Here in Alberta an Outreach school is attended by kids trying to get extra credits but many of the students are also kids who are coming back to get their diploma after trying to do exactly what your son is proposing. It's tough to instill a good work ethic in kids these days and sometimes the best way to learn is to do it the hard way. You don't say much about what your son's work ethic is like but I wonder if he's ever been given any responsibility? There's not much you can do about how your ex is raising him. If he does carry out his threat to drop out I would advise you to let him know you will be available for advice but otherwise, if he wants to be a grownup he needs to take all the responsibilities that go with it.

This is hard because I have a son who is a senior in high school and he's kind of in the same boat. He seems to think it is EASY to get out on your own and my hubby and I know how truly rough it is. All our son sees is that we did it, so he thinks it was easy lol. Dropping out to get a job is silly. Working part time while in school is a better idea but it's hard these days for kids to find jobs. If he is resourceful, he will be able to find something but it likely won't pay $10 an hour. I would be completely honest about my own experiences - I have been with my son. I told him how I started babysitting when I was 12 and saved some of that money. When I got older, I picked berries in the summer too and added that money. I continued to babysit and do other jobs whenever I could, including extra chores for my parents. I worked at McDonalds when I was still in high school and that was another good source of money. Because of all this, I was able to save money to buy a car and put away money for moving expenses - so I had enough for a deposit and first and last months' rent on an apartment. I told him it was slow going and really HARD because I did spend some of the money - on extra school clothes, entertainment, music, accessories, etc. I have 4 siblings so it's not like we were rolling in money. If I wanted anything extra, I had to buy it myself. Also, another thing to point out is that you get what you give - if you EXPECT to be paid more than fair value, then you had better be DOING more than fair value to EARN it, meaning you don't get something for nothing. Being lazy gets you nothing and expecting to make more money than you're actually worth is not going to happen more often than not. I'm sure if I went back to school it would be boring, but certainly much EASIER than having responsibilities, taking care of kids, etc. Have you talked to his mother about the fact that without some clear goals and expectations, your son IS going to ruin his life? At 15, or 16, kids cannot see the future, they don't realize that things they think are no big deal now will be a big deal you can't undo in 5 years.

Boy that's a tough one. I do think the solution is for him to move with you at least temporarily. I don't know why your ex doesn't let him especially since he is a grown boy and you are offering to HELP; you are showing support so that she doesn't have to do ALL the parenting by herself. Make a deal with her to let him move with you for at leas 6 months or so and see how it goes. Once he "takes it easy" he can move back with her. The key here is move his "reasoning" back into the right track. Oh..and the $10.00 an hour? yep that's usually what they pay you when you don't have experience

hi! I don't have any experience with kids, but I think if i must educate or punish kids with a very bad behavior, the first thing i will do is to talk with their parents, and if they don't do something then I will make me stay at home until it changes its behavior. and if you must do something with you own kid, then go for the second way

Hi i understand very well what you are living because i have a son with 16 years old, last year he give up school and went to do a profissional course in the area of informatic but now he whats to drop out this course so i talk with him and make him understand that with the school he has he will never have a job were he can make good money because in this days we need to prove what we know we may know a lot of things but if we dont have something to prove it we dont get very far. So now he will drop is course but he wil work and the job i get for him is a dishwasher in a restaurant because he must understand that with the school he has he will not get any better job. In your case i think you should talk with your ex-wife about the education his having and let him see for it self that without school he can not have jobs that pay him more money that he is geting from you. you must let him try i know so meny people that they sons give up school and went to work and after a year he retourns to school becausethey saw that working isent that easier. good luck for you and your son and be pacience wiyh him because this age is the age wen they do the most stupid things.

You have made a good start hun, he needs to know that if he wants things, then he has to earn the money to pay for them. It's so hard to get this simple fact across to kids these days as they are used to instant gratification but, with patience, you will get through to him.

Hello WiseReptiles, I think your son would be better off staying with you. Im not sure why your wife is willing to call and ask you to handle a situation but wont allow you to fully raise your son in your own home. I know some mothers are greatly attached and cannot part with her child but in this case your son is on his way to learning how to be a man and what better teacher than his own father. To be truthful your doing to the right thing giving him options. but the hardest thing is letting him make his own decisions. Some young adults don't see the other side of the mountain until they've climbed it. in his case it looks as though he may have to do that in order to learn life isn't as easy as just getting a job. Education is the key to success and without it life will be hard. Keep doing what your doing talk to him show him dropping out of school is not a good choice if you have to gather some information show him data facts statistics. give examples of people with an education and those without I would meet his friends and see where their heads are at because it sounds like to me his 21 year old friends have freedom, probably on their own working and he wants to be like them. Talk to his friends and ask them to influence him to stay in school sometimes advice from a peer works better than a parent

I am on the other side of the fence here I wish my ex had as much interest in helping me out with our children as you do with your son....My kids are way far apart in age and my son is 16 and he is pulling alot of the same stuff but he wants to go to school and get his education and make something of himself but the issue with him is getting there.... I've seeked advice and help of my friends.....Now I can see her fear of letting your son go but what I really think is that if she has it under control like she has been trying to convince people then why is she running to you when she can't handle it....What I was told to have my son learn respect is take away his play station and all his privalages and he will get bored enough and start to listen.....This has worked to an extent and I think sometimes it's harder for the parent....What your ex really needs to do is pull the plug on his games and friends....If he is being defiant and out of control.....I think because your son wants to live with you maybe she is bribing him into staying with her by letting him have his way so to speak....I'm surprised at the courts usually they will go off the word of a 15 year old child and let him choose which parent to live with....As hard as it may be you might have to involve Social Services to investigate it because not making him take his meds for his ADHD is neglect....Good Luck I wish there were more men like you that cared so much to be there for their children....

hi wisereptiles he sounds like many modern thoroughly spoiled teens to me,.since your wife has stymied you in your intelligent suggestionsI would say let him find out for himself just w hat being on your own in a world that will not pamper you like dad or mom does is like. It will be hard to watch this but I think once he learns that what you are trying to tell him is the real truth he may just decide to get that education so he can be able to get a really good paying job and live much like he is accustomed to living. Are there any tough love programs in your area, I have watched some of that on tv and they seem to have great luck turning teens from spoiled brats into thinking young people. have a look around and good luck. Also what does he like to do? I mean besides loaf and playh video games? what is his real passion, maybe you could expound on that with him.