It Is Said

Hello, Pikey. We do have long memories, it's true, but it depends on the circumstances. My first husband was always doing things that needed to be forgiven, and it got to the stage where enough was enough. When he was trying to worm his way out of it, as usual, he came out with this beauty: 'That's the trouble with you - we can't make a go of it because you remember every single thing I've ever done wrong.' I came back with, 'And the trouble with you is, you've given me far too much to remember. Now pack your bags and get out.' Being only human, my second husband also does things that need forgiveness. However, as they're fairly rare occurrences, I don't remind him of them the next time he transgresses. So I'd say my answer to this is, you may remember things, but don't use them as a weapon when they've been forgiven - unless you have to.

I can only speak from a woman's point of view. And yes, I do think that is right. When I believe I have been wronged, or seen someone else wronged, the wrongdoer may be forgiven that transgression but it will probably colour my relationship with them for ever. I might be cautious about trusting them, or reluctant to do things with them, although that reluctance might be overcome and lessen with time. So is it different for men?

I forget... what's the question?

I can forgive just about anything, but to forget what I have forgiven would be foolish as I would not learn. The trick is to not let what I forgiven color future interaction with the person forgiven..............

Not necessarily. I myself can forget things for a long time until something brings them back. Once I've forgiven I try not to think of the incident. It took me a long time to forgive my ex husband but the memories are still fresh and bother me quite a bit sometimes. I wish forgiving and forgetting were easier! But if we forget then we open ourselves up to the same offense again so perhaps it's better to remember.

wifey said she already forgiven me but she keeps on talking about what i have done wrong everytime we have an arguments. she really never forget that she have forgiven me.

Yes dear. That's exactly right. I think forgiving is right but the forgetting is not necessary, just in case you're expected to forgive the same thing more than once.

I think that is a true statement, I have forgiven a lot, but no matter how hard I try I can't forget. Once something is said, the words are out, and there is no way of pushing this to the back of our minds and not remembering it. We may choose to believe we have forgotten it, but there will always be some reminder to bring it to the front again. Can you actually forget someone that has beaten you so bad, or has cheated on you, and hurt you, yes I can forgive but i will never forget, and I think that not forgetting is what might one day save us. To not let it happen again.

Hi p1ke, It is very true in my case-I always forgive whatever the situation is/was and even if it is a long time to forgive it-but never ever do I forget it, and it is always there but never brought to the fore unless needed...hugs LoLo

I dont think that only applies to women. my late hubby said it applies to everyone. thats why he didnt like arguing with a loved one. he said you can forgive whats said nasty to you, but you never forget. and as they say, you can forgive a person but never forget how they made you feel. i think that applies to all in my experience. ive had men bring up things later that they supposedly forgave me for

Forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting, though it is possible to forget about something after time has passed if you have moved on. And by forget, I mean it is not at the forefront of your thinking.

Women never forget anything. You forget to pick up milk from the store after work, back in 1976, and they'll remember what color shirt you had on when you came home. He was standing right there in the doorway! And I looked at him and said, 'did you forget the milk?' And right there, with his blue and white shirt, he said to me, 'oh'. And I said back to him "oh what? Oh you forgot the milk?" and he just stood there with his brown shoes looking stupid... Women never forget anything. No matter how utterly stupid it is.

to me, there will be times and time again where others tend and continue to offend us either intentionally or unintentionally. all the same we suffer from these insults, hurts, wounds, scars and 'ugly' remarks. we have to learn to forgive and forget. does women forgive and forget? its hard to say unless there is a survey done or amongst us women, are we a forgiving lot and forget those mean things others done or said about us or gossip about us. forgiveness is not a feeling . to me, its a choice. some people never want to forgive lest forget. i forgive and learn to forget. its easier for me to forgive as GOD forgives me and thus i am able to forgive those who done me wrong. to forget takes a little longer. i need inner healing to repair the wounds and the caustic remarks being made. through the years, i remember less and less of the hurt and the pain. why, it does not help me as it weighs me down. thus i get rid of these 'excess baggage' or excess luggages' and replace with happy, sweet memories of kind deeds of relatives friends and strangers. i am glad to say i have conquered this area of my life as i forgive easily and i tend to forget most of what were said and done that were in bad taste.i ask God to assist me to forgive and forget those incidents and He did. i feel relieved and release from these burden. i feel blessed and have inner peace and calm. 'to err is human, to forgive is divine'

When someone is hurt, especially by someone who is important in their life, can't forget, you arrive at forgiveness, cause the love is stronger, but never forget those things. Depends only on the person who got hurt, forget the pain to give way to reconciliation.

Yes P1ke it is very true no doubt about it at all lol I am like that but in the same breath once I have forgiven, I will never bring it up again but it also not forgotten

I am not forgiving but I may forget that I am not forgiving...o man I am confused with my own ability. If we are talking about man, I am not forgiving most of the time. Man at his 40 or 50 is old enough to know what he is doing wrong....

So very true. It can be used in the future as a very beneficial reminder.LOL

Hmmm well my memory is very dodgy these days and I have trouble remembering anything, especially have trouble remembering if I forgot something. lol. However, if something is so important that forgiveness is required then it is likely to stick in your memory. Having said that I remember that I have forgiven things in the past but I have no idea what they were. It was before my current partner as he has never done anything that needed forgiving. Not as far as I can remember any way. I can't imagine him needing my forgiveness for any thing. Drag this brain fog I get with chronic fatigue.

You are probably right about that. And then if it happens again, it becomes unforgiven and a major issue...

Well, memory is something that is always with us, unless you're in the final stages of dementia and Alzheimer's . For me, I will always remember. But you can remember without the pain or hurt, especially when you've forgiven already. When I remember, I'm relieved that I have forgiven because I have let go of lots of stress and sleepless nights.