Just One Year Ago . . .
@purplealabaster (22091)
United States
February 20, 2010 4:50pm CST
I wrote a poem (if you can call it that) recently. It is something that has been running through my mind all the time lately, and it just needed to get out. I am not entirely sure about sharing it, but I am hoping that it will help with my healing process, so here it goes. Please remember, this is just what came tumbling out of my head, but I am speaking from my heart.
Just one year ago we were laughing, joking and telling each other our deepest secrets;
Just one year ago we were fighting one minute and consoling each other the next - isn't that how all sisters are?
Just one year ago we were plotting, conspiring, and ready to take over the world together - or at least our little corner of it;
Just one year ago we were planning for the future - how we were going to take care of our parents and live together in our old age just like we did in our youth;
Just one year ago we were excited about our next "movie marathon weekend" and looking forward to seeing the next Harry Potter movie together;
Just one year ago you were bragging about all the pool patches you had that I didn't and trying to convince me to join the team again;
Just one year ago we had no idea of the evilness that was silently ravaging your body and stealing your life;
Just one year ago we did not realize how one small word - just six little letters - could bring so much misery in such a short time;
Just one year ago we could not even begin to imagine the heartache, grief, and loss that was to come;
Just one year ago I did not know how my world would be shattered and how much I would miss you and give almost anything I have to turn back the hands of time to just one year ago.
Have any of you ever experienced a dramatic or traumatic change in your life in such a short time that you can't even seem to process it? Do you bottle it up inside or let it all out? How do you get past this feeling of anger and loss and move on to acceptance?
7 people like this
5 responses
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
23 Feb 10
I'm so sorry for your painful loss, Purple. Your poem is really heartfelt and so sad. I feel for you there. It is well composed and don't be sad my friend. Time will pass and it will be less painful for you, even though the pain memories are there..
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
25 Feb 10
You are most welcome. I definitely agree that the sense of loss/longing will always be there and that's really inevitable. At times, I really miss my late grandma too, but I know that she's gone and only the memories and odd pictures that I have for keepsakes.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
25 Feb 10
The pictures and keepsakes that we have from our loved ones help us to keep their memories alive, and they are very precious. I know that people say that material things do not matter, and in some ways I do agree with this. However, I think that material things have enormous value when they are associated with a beautiful memory of a loved one - far more value than any amount of money could buy.
My friend lost both of his parents and just about all of his possessions in a fire. He was not home at the time, and when he returned home from work he was devastated. He did not have a single picture to remind him of his childhood or of his parents or anything that they had given him that he held dear. He was never the same after that, and he never fully recovered from the trauma of not only losing both of his parents but also any physical connection that he had to them and his childhood through pictures, souvenirs, etc. At least you and I are lucky enough to have physical reminders of our loved ones that we can look at and hold when we are lonely and want to feel closer to them.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
24 Feb 10
Thanks for your sweet words, Zed. I know that as time passes the pain will not be as overwhelming as it seems right now, but I also know that it will never entirely disappear. There are times now that I can think of the good times and laugh at something that we said or did together, which is definitely a step in the right direction. Unfortunately, for every one of these times, I have at least one (and usually more) times where I think about something and just relive the sadness and loss all over again.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
23 Feb 10
Dear purple, I'm so sorry for your loss, it is indeed huge as your beautiful poem portrays. That poem is almost like bringing your dear one back again. Dreams fade and loved ones pass but the love stays with you always as well as the pain of loss.
Our family has also recently had a cancer scare with my beloved elder daughter finding a malignant melanoma. We will finally have the results today and hopefully it is gone but the fear is with us now...how long till it comes again? I try and concentrate on the wonder of her, not the disease that has invaded her body.
I hope the pain inside you eases with time as the memories come and they do come. Hold those memories dear to you. Blessed be.
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
24 Feb 10
Oh Ms. Tickle, I do hope that you get good news about your baby-girl. I know that she is grown, but I also know that she will always be your baby-girl. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and thinking positive thoughts about the outcome of the tests.
You are right that the love stays with you. In fact, I just found a book that my sister gave me, and it has "love notes" to me in the margins. We did silly stuff like that with each other. We would buy books for the other, read them and leave "special notes" in the margins for the other to read. The book that I found is one of poetry about how special sisters are. It made me sob uncontrollably, but at the same time it made me feel so special and loved. It is a part of her that I will always have and treasure, and if I ever doubt the bond that we have (had) all I have to do is read the words that she wrote to me, and I will never feel unloved again.
You are right that the love stays with you. In fact, I just found a book that my sister gave me, and it has "love notes" to me in the margins. We did silly stuff like that with each other. We would buy books for the other, read them and leave "special notes" in the margins for the other to read. The book that I found is one of poetry about how special sisters are. It made me sob uncontrollably, but at the same time it made me feel so special and loved. It is a part of her that I will always have and treasure, and if I ever doubt the bond that we have (had) all I have to do is read the words that she wrote to me, and I will never feel unloved again.1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
24 Feb 10
There were a few cells they found in the lymph nodes they removed but it has not been possible to say they are cancer cells. They are going to treat her as if they are not and monitor her for the next few years. She's happy and positive with the outcome but I have a dire feeling that it is only a matter of time. It got her once and next time it will be easier. It just makes me so angry that cancer has been researched for so long now and they still cannot control it.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
25 Feb 10
Oh sweetie! It is great that she has such a positive and happy attitude, because they say that really matters to your health, especially when you are dealing with a potentially life-threatening illness, and I believe that it is true. I am hoping and praying that your daughter is right, and that she is and will remain cancer-free.
I totally understand your fear and concern, though. The "wait and see" approach has to be one of the hardest to do. If you are actively fighting, then you do not feel as powerless. However, they usually only go for the "wait and see" approach when they really do not think that it is cancer, so that is a good thing, although it would be a lot easier if they could give her a definitely clean bill of health.
Trust me, I completely understand your anger, too. Anger at the disease. Anger that there is no cure. Anger that it is affecting your loved one. Anger at the helpless feeling that you have, because there is absolutely nothing you can do. Anger that so many millions of dollars are spent each year creating bigger and better weapons and ways to wipe-out an entire population and perhaps even the entire world just in case there is another world war or something, and yet they do not seem to put as much time, effort and money into saving the lives of innocent people that have this disease. Alright, maybe the last part is just me, but I do understand the anger.
It is great that she has such a positive and happy attitude, because they say that really matters to your health, especially when you are dealing with a potentially life-threatening illness, and I believe that it is true. I am hoping and praying that your daughter is right, and that she is and will remain cancer-free.
I totally understand your fear and concern, though. The "wait and see" approach has to be one of the hardest to do. If you are actively fighting, then you do not feel as powerless. However, they usually only go for the "wait and see" approach when they really do not think that it is cancer, so that is a good thing, although it would be a lot easier if they could give her a definitely clean bill of health.
Trust me, I completely understand your anger, too. Anger at the disease. Anger that there is no cure. Anger that it is affecting your loved one. Anger at the helpless feeling that you have, because there is absolutely nothing you can do. Anger that so many millions of dollars are spent each year creating bigger and better weapons and ways to wipe-out an entire population and perhaps even the entire world just in case there is another world war or something, and yet they do not seem to put as much time, effort and money into saving the lives of innocent people that have this disease. Alright, maybe the last part is just me, but I do understand the anger.1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
22 Feb 10
Your mom and father-in-law in the same year - that is so sad. If you bottle it up, do you get to the point where you have to explode or do things just stay buried and bottled up? I bottle up sometimes, too, but eventually I end up feeling like if I don't let things out, then I am going to explode. When it gets to that point, I do end up venting in one form or another.
2 people like this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
20 Feb 10
Sometimes you just gotta let it all out. I know when we lost my brother, I was always thinking of the what if's, but now I just remember the good times. I still love him, always will, and will always miss him but I know he's in a better place.
Here's a hug ...
If your anything like me, it'll take months and months until you finally start to be able to think of her without crying... I still think of my brother sometimes and cry.
I also had an aunt I hadn't seen in years die, and I only saw her once while she was in the hospital before she went... but I started talking to my dad (her brother) more...
...
If your anything like me, it'll take months and months until you finally start to be able to think of her without crying... I still think of my brother sometimes and cry.
I also had an aunt I hadn't seen in years die, and I only saw her once while she was in the hospital before she went... but I started talking to my dad (her brother) more...1 person likes this
@hexeduser22 (7419)
• Philippines
13 Mar 10
I don't know if bringing up this discussion would help you in anyway
I know I'm three weeks late in responding in this
I don't know if I could help you ease your pain by responding in here and offer my warmest hug.
I know that I cried when I read this but I also it doesn't help
I don't know what to say to be honest and I'm getting all emotional right now
I know I only want to hug you and tell you to be strong because life goes on
-Feb
-Feb@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
13 Mar 10
Oh Hex, you really have helped, and I thank you very much for responding here. After I posted this and commented on all the responses, I had not had the courage to come back here until I noticed your response. I am very glad that you lead me back here, though, because the kindness and caring that you showed in your words felt like a warm hug to my heart. Your words really moved me, and I would gladly have you give me that hug, and I would definitely return it just as warmly.
Your words really moved me, and I would gladly have you give me that hug, and I would definitely return it just as warmly.1 person likes this
@hexeduser22 (7419)
• Philippines
14 Mar 10
Your so sweet Miss Purple I hope God blesses you more and keep you strong
