How to get on well with father?
By historydog
@historydog (239)
China
February 21, 2010 9:40am CST
I don't I have a good relationship with my father these days.It's just because some tiny matters.But I don't like him complaining something and yelling something to my mother or me,I think,this's mostly because I'm trying to be a good son all the time,and if I let him down,I don't where I'm wrong.I know he love me very much,and so do I.But we don't speak to each other now.The original cause is that when he was yelling something small to my mother,I lost control and threw a flowerpot into pieces.Of course,this sort of thing doesn't happen often.But once is intolerant.I know this time it was me breaking the nice atomsphere,but I don't know how to fix it,and I don't know how to get on well with my father in the future?I think I need some advice from you.
7 responses
@OrangJuice (687)
• China
22 Feb 10
I'm sorry that relationship between you and your father is not good. But I also experienced it before. My parents are from two different families. I know we all love each other. But my parents always quarrel for tiny things. I was upseted when they quarrelled. And I almost agreed with my mom, so I joined the quarrels, too. It made my dad so angry and disappointed.
Then, I learnt to keep silent when they quarrel. It makes relationship between my dad and I better. And when I stay with my dad alone, I tried to talk with my dad calmly, and he starts to accept my opinions. It's so amazing, right?
I don't know if my story helpful for you. But I really hope everything will be better soon.
1 person likes this
@historydog (239)
• China
22 Feb 10
This is really a good response.I do hate the quarrel between my parents.It's just make nonsence to every member of my family.I will try some ways to get our relationship much better.Thank you for your story!
@OrangJuice (687)
• China
23 Feb 10
Hehe...now I realize parents' quarrels are just their own business, we shouldn't join in. And sometimes we keep silent when they're in anger, and talk with them when they're calm, it's better!
Basically, we should respect family members, even if they don't think same as us, and they work in the different ways. I know it's hard, but if you love them, you can do it well.
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
22 Feb 10
Never take out something on your father when he has a problem with your mother.Their equation is different.You would never know all the facts and if your father is otherwise nice to you do not take sides.I have always felt guilty for taking sides with my mother though my father did nothign but good to me.Who are we to stand on judgement over our fathers?They would not tell us anything.On the other hand as is typical of women, mothers would say things.THeir issue is theirs.If your father showers love on you[like what my father did] do not say a thing.Just go to him and tell him that you got carried away at that particular moment and broke the pot and thta you want to be on friendly terms with him.Apologise and you see what happens.
As a rule do NOT take sides.
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
22 Feb 10
Don't worry.It will soon be alright , but from what you have written I gather your father is very upset.Unfortunately men are not credited with the same feeling that women are supposed to have.THey are also human and would be hurt.I did not realise this earlier.I have a son and am now able to see things better.
@historydog (239)
• China
22 Feb 10
I think the relationship between father and child is quite werid.Our fathers teach the most of the skills to us for making a living.But most of time we love our mothers more.When my parents have a quarrel,I usually take sides with my mother,though I regard myself as an objective person.When I have some unhappy feelings,I will talk with my mother.I never tried to do this with my father.I think I really broke my father's heart this time.I must make him very very upset this time.I can see all of these from his expressionless face.I do regret now and I swear I will never be involved in their nonsense quarrels.You are right taking sides with anyone will hurt the other.I think it's time for my apologize.
@lindiebiz (1006)
• Canada
22 Feb 10
You need to have a heart to heart talk with your father. First of all apologize for breaking the flowerpot and tell him how you feel about what is going on. Tell him you don't like the way your relationship is and would like it to change. That would be a good starting to mend up your relationship.
@historydog (239)
• China
22 Feb 10
Yes,I do need to have a talk with him.But it is difficult in some ways,especially for me.The start is hard to start.I feel uneasy now and don't want to do anything with him.
@Orea15 (281)
• United States
21 Feb 10
I think the best thing you can do is apologize for your angry outburst, say you are sorry it happened and that you'll try to manage your anger better. Let him know that you know you did wrong. Let him know that you love him and respect him. Mend the bridges that have broken in your relationship in the most adult way you can.
The time to address what he does that makes you upset is not when you are upset already, but at a calm time when you can do it and stay under control and plan how you want to say it so maybe he can hear you.
You may have to develop a lot of patience and forbearance, but these are good qualities to have in life anyway.
Good luck!
@historydog (239)
• China
22 Feb 10
Thank you for your advice,and I will try it.But there will be some difficult for me to start the apologize,I think.
@Orea15 (281)
• United States
22 Feb 10
Well, I never said it would be easy! Pride can get in the way. But I can tell you are sorry it happened. You can start from there. {{{hug}}}
I guess the bottom line is, how much is this relationship worth to you? Would you rather be right or mend this rift? Or, as wise person said, would you rather be right or happy?
How is this affecting your mom? Something else to factor in as you consider your options.
@monkeylong (3139)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Feb 10
As far as I am concerned, I think I have gotten a very well relation ship with my father ,who I love so much . To get on well with my father , I usually stay together with my father.Then I talk to him ,which we communicate to know what we each other need in our daily life. Keeping together more, Then the relationship will be better.
@historydog (239)
• China
22 Feb 10
You are so luck to have a good father-child relationship.I think you father must be a patient one.That's rare nowadays.Do value it.
@kooltiger (848)
• Pakistan
21 Feb 10
well this kind of situation also happened with me this year but for a different reason... i didnt talk to my father for one month and he also didnt talk to me... with time we just started interaction with each other but not in words.. that was if he asks for something i go and do his work.. i know he is not calling me but i go and do it... but during that time i was not talking to him... i was just obeying him silently.... one day a plumber came on the gate and wanted to meet my father... then i decided i have to talk to my father this time.. and i went in and told him that plumber wants to meet you... and after that i started talking with... and i was very happy that day....
so u can try this.... but if u are sorry for ur behavior.. then just go ur father and tell him that u r sorry for what u did that day..
@historydog (239)
• China
22 Feb 10
It'a great your have a breakthough to change the relationship with your father.I think what I need is just that kind one.
@kooltiger (848)
• Pakistan
22 Feb 10
i just read a comment of that u cant start the talk.... actually that was really difficult.... but when i started the talk... then he started interacted with me... ur father also wants to talk to u... but he is waiting for u to start.... so gather some courage... and search any topic to just start a talk.. or i'll tell u what to say.. ask him how are u dad...?
@jbaunillo (254)
• Philippines
22 Feb 10
before when we were kids, i had only a little memory about bonding with my father. he was always away due to his work. we weren't close then. but when he retired from his work, and that was when i was already in college, i thought that we would never get along. i was surprised that everything was good. Though there were times that like misunderstanding, i just thought to it that it happens to a father-son relationship and it's normal. everything would be back to normal. so, until now, we still have the good relationship.
