Would you still love a person/friend eventhough he think less of you?
By neelianoscet
@neelianoscet (9615)
Philippines
February 25, 2010 11:15am CST
If you have a partner or a friend who treat you unfairly but you could not think of just leaving them because you love them even though their may be times they seem so supportive and their may be times when they think less of you. I mean for examples you have to involve yourself in some activities which require you to be popular like you have been promoted or join a contest. Despite of your full interest you may feel disappointed when your other partner or friend does not support you. Instead they think less of you when they tell you that you may not qualify to join or saying negative things which you feel it sucking your self esteem down. I would like to know if their are times you feel being compare by your closest partner or friends to other people when they keep measuring on you and often see only the good things about other people and not on you.
Would you still allow yourself to love them despite of the cold treatment you get from your partner or friend or you would tell them outright where the door is as they seem not happy seeing you succeed? Have you ever experienced something like that when you are feel inspired then your other partner or friends instead of being supportive they tell you that you could never do things perfectly and they are not matching in your own personality?
2-25-10
11:15
7 people like this
20 responses
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
25 Feb 10
hi dawn,
that very true especially if the partner is constantly nagging which is very insulting which have an effect in self esteem. thanks
2 people like this
@vandana7 (100531)
• India
25 Feb 10
Those are my feelings with my father! He is constantly appreciating others! I am never appreciated. I do feel dejected many times. :) Well, I cant leave him. :) I keep using alternative ways of pulling up my confidence in myself. :) Mentally, I have labeled him as senile, so his opinion does not matter me anymore. :)
1 person likes this
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
25 Feb 10
hi vandana,
Because he is your father a blood line of your own and no matter what he say being a daughter you need still need to respect him no matter what happen as being senile it is understood his behavior is brought by his old age so being the young all need to do is to keep your patience longer never ever to retaliate since he say those words which you dislike because his judgment is affected by his age level. Still being at 70% is greater than 30% which meant he still recognize you no matter what his use of wording may hurt but being the young you need to have more understanding more than anyone else would do.
4 people like this
@vandana7 (100531)
• India
26 Feb 10
I wouldnt put it down to bloodline! My relatives have not been there for me when I lost my mother. So that kind of love doesnt carry weight with me. To me that is fiction. :( What I can recall is traveling on his moped, and him fixing something behind for me to hold on tightly since I couldnt reach his shoulder when I was just around 6 and a half years of age. And then even having a foot rest fixed above the wheel so that my tiny legs would not get trapped into the wheel by any accident. (In those days there were no shields in that model). So he did all that himself. :) And I recollect him crying when he saw me with chicken pox, and when I was down with tuberculosis. Recently he stood up for me against all my relatives - and explained my stand to all his friends. That made him an outcast of some sort in the eyes of the relatives and hero in mine - something that could have been avoided had I relented. There have been very touching moments, which are difficult to forget. :) I'd say it is deeper than bloodline. :) But when he is nasty, he can be really mean. :)
2 people like this
@OrangJuice (687)
• China
26 Feb 10
Hello, neelianoscet, I think it's awful! My sense tells me I shouldn't spend more on it, but it's always hard to control feelings. So I think in that situation, I will try to persuade myself to give it up, at least, don't be so close with them. In another word, I'm not so perseverant - I will be tired soon. So...
My aunt - my mother's elder sister - who doesn't like me indeed. You know when I stay with her alone, she always says, I'm so great in any aspects. But if my cousin is also present, she treats me as I'm transparent. It's always like this. So...I never mind what she praise me. I know clearly my situation in her side. What I have to do now is to keep distance with her. So that she cannot hurt me more and I also can keep my "love" to her. - At least, she is my relative, right?
1 person likes this
@OrangJuice (687)
• China
1 Mar 10
Thanks for your undertanding, neelianoscet! I always felt sad in that situation in the first place! But now I'm okay. As per Bible, I should still love them. So at least, I'm trying to stop hating and complaint. It makes me better now!
After all, I have some real friends! And after all, I can talk about it with you here!
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
hi orangejuice,
That very true I often sense too that that some friends are friends only with benefits they would always be around when they need something then when i have to tell them something good is happening to me they would congratulate first giving me happy feeling then afterward they would gives suggestion to me to change my mind as they think it would do harm than good to me . Instead of supporting they seem like to gives a bad vibes so it affect my thinking that it makes me hesitate instead of going to pursue my plan as if they know more than me or experience it. Then, i tell them their experience would be different from mine since every person is different so the expectation too is not the same with what on their mind.
I too notice same like you even my own mother, sibling have their own favorites. they are even more direct in criticizing which really annoying but some are good to correct certain bad habits as they are relatives they could still be forgiven while when in comes to other people it would be a different things already. thanks.
4 people like this
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
7 Mar 10
It is just a matter of understanding and could with enough patience as I believe too all those sad moments will pass too and one learn from it as part of life experiences to make one a better and and a stronger person. Anytime, my friend as long as I am still here there we could shares whatever comes out in our mind helping each other since most here play anonymous so sharing something which you could not outspoken in real life here we could do so..Have a nice day!
3 people like this
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
2 Mar 10
That's what love is about.. Accepting all the flaws and strengths of one's partner ^_^ If one dun see those negatives as something demoralising, it will be good, because it can act as a form of motivation for one to prove the other party wrong ^_^
Everybody has the right and freedom to pursue the things they like ^_^ So even if the other party might not be interested at all, but dun ever belittle whatever dreams/goals, partners is having ^_^
Because when the same thing happens to us, we wont like it too ^_^ haha
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
6 Mar 10
yeah, that very true since no one is perfect all fall short and have some fault and defects so the normal things to do i think is to learn to the values of acceptance and started to like even the low points over the high points since loving a person requires patience and lot of understanding for a relationship to work.
In my case i do not mind if others have difficulty in acceptance and by the length of time it would all just fall into the right places since i would give them all their freedom such as no restriction at all as long as the other party feel good on whatever he.she is doing as long as she/he never contradict fr most of the times it would be a smooth sailing relationship..
Honesty still the best policy to learn to open up and admit the lies, mistakes or any imperfection than taking a cover up which only ruin a good relationship if both never learn to accept and forgive each others shortcomings..
4 people like this
@flower21 (765)
• Philippines
8 Mar 10
I am in the middle if i really love this person i could forgive his blunder and stay to live with him as long as he does not hurt me physically and I am going to et him know my feeling that i am hurt by his treatment on me. i do hope he changes for the better and despite of my warning he still continue his bad treatment. i have no choice but to go away.
1 person likes this
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
8 Mar 10
hi flower21,
Those are the conflicting decision which one have to take as in your case you are such an emotionally attached person based on your reply but you also have your own limit and when your patience break like a over heated fuse it wold just blew with an outburst of anger which is fine as long as you know to carried out a conversation without assaulting ones ego with proper explanation you could dealt with those person involve since mostly are artificial made.
2 people like this
@lovelyn_medrano (3070)
• Philippines
25 Feb 10
You mean like they are under estamating your capabilities? Well that happens every now and then... It is sad but the ones we think would uplift our spirit and confidence sometimes would put us down... 
I believe other people are not just good in showing their concerns. Like the person is just trying to protect you -- afraid that you will be disappointed and hurt in the end... As a way of saving you to that possible outcome, they result in saying negative things about you (discouraging you, so that you would not push through your plans)... Sometimes it is not actually their intention to hurt you in anyways but they say it in a wrong way and matched it with wrong choice of words too...
I believe the person is contineously loving that person or people too because she/he knows that deep in his/ her heart that the person love him genuinely but sometimes really tactless at times.
I see you are already putting date and time to your discussion , huh! As you said so with your previous topic.
Happy mylotting to you. I hope I have given you a quality answer. Have a nice day neelianoscet.
I believe other people are not just good in showing their concerns. Like the person is just trying to protect you -- afraid that you will be disappointed and hurt in the end... As a way of saving you to that possible outcome, they result in saying negative things about you (discouraging you, so that you would not push through your plans)... Sometimes it is not actually their intention to hurt you in anyways but they say it in a wrong way and matched it with wrong choice of words too...
I believe the person is contineously loving that person or people too because she/he knows that deep in his/ her heart that the person love him genuinely but sometimes really tactless at times.
I see you are already putting date and time to your discussion , huh! As you said so with your previous topic.
Happy mylotting to you. I hope I have given you a quality answer. Have a nice day neelianoscet.1 person likes this
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
25 Feb 10
hi lovelyn,
That is in case it happen to you or to me as i am asking my respondents what would they do in case your partner always look down on you as he think like you are not capable or somehow weak that he see something difficult in everything you do as bound to failure which instead of encouraging they are there to make you feel pity upon yourself. they are like leech sucking every confidence which is being left on yourself and that is why it it often lead to disappointment.
You got a point there their are every reasons for every thing they say but when their advices which does not encourage development of strength it becomes suspicious as one could feel they are not happy seeing you as successful.I think it is better f to gives praise to inspire rather than criticism. yeah, I am putting it just to be secure. thanks.:)
4 people like this
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
7 Mar 10
That very true and it is not inspiring anymore to listen to repetitive criticism when in fact nobody know oneself but the person who is involve itself and would do anything to resolve her own problem even with or without the advices of other people since one have its mind of its own who know to think of the right things to do which is inappropriate.
Yeah, true love is patience and understanding it only wish the best for her/his someone passionately.
2 people like this
@lovelyn_medrano (3070)
• Philippines
27 Feb 10
I agree neelianoscet! Getting negative criticism always is really draining and tiring! That cannot be called a cronstructive comment anymore if done almost always... I believe if the person really love and cares for you, he must show confidence on us on someways too...
True love--- unselfish love would not wish us bad or pull us down...
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
hi stephcjh,
So it only mean to love is a two way process in order for any relationship to last since if you are the only one who love and give is like a one sided love affair as when you like to give all yourself the other party just take advantage of your kindness which I think should not be tolerated in any situation. thanks
4 people like this
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
6 Mar 10
hi whyaskq,
That right it is time and energy consuming to think of something which bother the mind if the other person do not know to reciprocate despite you shown them for being a good friend but in the end they do not know to appreciate your concern then they are good for nothing.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Feb 10
hi neelianoscet I think there are times in the best of close
friends when most of the time thy are very supportive , yet'
at other timesthey don't think much of some of your endeavors at
all .But i know with me my best friend is almost always most'
supportive of me, but a few times we do not agree on something.
However they are really so few, and with or without her support
'I still have to make my own decisions and live by myself a lot.
Our best friends can help and support but ultimately each of us
is along when it comes to being happy, your best friend,your partner,
your mom and dad none of them can make you happy. that has to come within your self. 
1 person likes this
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
25 Feb 10
hi hatley,
maybe sometimes they are so busy so engrossed with their own lives then have to dealt to with problems of their own which any friend should need to understand each other situation as not all the times they could depend on a friend but for sure they also remember them but the situation hamper their own ability to comfort their friends when they have their own troubles to resolve first which need a throughly attention. And when all things fail as the system support like family weaken no one could be there to support but itself keeping a positive mind which helps a lot. thanks
4 people like this
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
26 Feb 10
the thing that binds you, that word LOVE alone tells that you are inseparable, right? so because you LOVE that person, even how little he thinks of you, it is still LOVE. you have to accept the negative side of him because you LOVE him. i think time will come that he will look at you and LOVE you because of what you are and not because he looks you down or he only looks at your negative or down side.
1 person likes this
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
hi neildc,
Sometimes it is a test of trial and error and some criticism is good to the pint that it makes any person change for the better but it often also result to terrible arguments when it comes clear the kind of criticism makes any person feel pity or felt being abuse in any way that the relationship need to be cut off no matter how strong the love is, their are times it get sour too. I think it is good if each other gives constant support to their partner and friends to serves as the support system and not to act like a leech zapping all the confidence of his partner or friend to the level which they could make the person feel so down that it need to tell to the person to stop as the constant reminder becomes a nagging and not a sweet reminder anymore which I think i think it is very irritating if it done daily. You are right love is so strong that even one hate each other love makes anyone with arguments reunites as long as they are very true to each other feeling. thanks
4 people like this
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
You should avoid these kind of people. As others are saying in this discussion, they will pull you down eventually. The more you spend time with them the likelihood that your self esteem could suffer. If you are in a company of these kind of people you better extend your horizons and look for more friends because if you spend most of your time with them you'll just end up like one. As the saying goes, "tell me who your friends are and i'l tell you who you are" this may not be applicable to every one but it works most of the time. Friends who keep pulling you down or don't seem to share their happiness only mean one thing... they are not real friends. I call them "toxic" friends, they are self centered individuals who are insecure and have inferiority complex. The more you spend time with them the more likely you'll end like one yourself someday.
1 person likes this
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
hi ybong,
The things you say are all true one could only know the real partner or friends when one feel down and they are so supportive to gives good advices and maybe little criticism but when a certain friends everytime their is an opportunity that comes out they seem not happy seeing you as happy as they always think of themselves as the most deserving person to be happy while one feel depress with they constantly comparing you with other people which may hurt one feeling. thanks
4 people like this
@happy2512 (1266)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
I would advise you not to be friend with this kind of person for they are surely bad people. True friends are those people who accept you of whoever you are not conditionally accept you after doing a certain task. If I were you I will look for other true friends.
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
hi happy,
I am choosy to when making friends since some are just fake and only befriend when they have need but when i could no longer provide they just desert me or leave since they think I am no longer could help so they just take me down or some times like a weather they only befriend me when they think they have something to get they would again befriend me. Thus, I am not fool anymore to accept them and sometimes it is better to be alone than to have many friends who are just great pretender since it is useless to have many friends when they no help but just remain like a parasites.
3 people like this
@Hidaisy (181)
• United States
26 Feb 10
Hello neeliannoscet.I'd like to say if I had such a friend I would spend time with her no longer because she can't give me the confidence that help me to achive my aspiration which compose my colorful life.She can just spoil the whole good mood so I would rather make myself alone than together with her.
1 person likes this
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
hidaisy,
That is the reasos too that observe others maintain a few friends who are real one than keeping many who have no real intention bu only friends with benefits when they are only around as long as they could get something but also the first to left once they think their friends have nothing to offer for them. So it is good to eliminate friends who are fake and leech sucker since they are there to spoil the chances as most of them are probably jealous of one achievement. thanks
3 people like this
@cycomz (72)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
there are good friends, there are bad friends..but they are all your friends..the essence of friendship is NOT getting from them all attention and understanding..the essence of friendship to adjust to the imperfection of the people you called friends..
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
hi cyconm,
That very good point but friendship demand not only attention but a real encouragement and that is called friendship one need to be nice most of the times even if they are criticism it should only be minimal accepted as long as their are valid reasons which are believable and necessary to make the friendship more stronger. thanks
3 people like this
@hera_alhambra (193)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
i would not love a person who thinks less of me. he should support me in my endeavors and help me become a better and successful person than what i am now because that is what i'll do if ever he needs my support and encouragement
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
hi hera,
Yeah, that true a relationship should be a two way process both are helping each other responding and not just receiving most of the times. At the start of every relationship one could understand what each other motives if one takes disadvantages it so noticeable and so if a partner on the other hand show seriousness and truth in every act and word he is the right guy/gal for you which you could feel. thanks
3 people like this
@cyrus123 (6363)
• United States
27 Feb 10
Yes, I would still love this person. I love everybody. I just don't always like the way they do. There is a difference. I have people in my family who are like the ones you are talking about and I know how you feel. My brother-in-law, for example, talks awful to me sometimes and he really hurts me. He talks to my sister, who is his wife, the same way. He's a businessman and he has a lot of problems but he shouldn't take his problems out on other people.
We all have problems. I try to stay away from him as much as possible. It's really hard, especially on holidays, because I get invited to celebrate with them. I have told my sister in the past that I just didn't want to come because of his attitude but it seemed like it hurt her feelings, though. I just decided to go on and not pay him any attention. I just decided that it's more his problem than it is mine. Kathy.
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
7 Mar 10
hi cyrus,
I now too this world is full of imperfection and all we need is to learn to deal with those people who are out to annoy other people as they have different thinking and so as an individual all have their set of preferences likes and dislikes that it is hard to please everybody and as a fair person need to dealt with them as fairly as possible.
2 people like this
@hexeduser22 (7418)
• Philippines
17 Mar 10
I think it does not lie on loving someone in if he/she shows an attitude like that. Sometimes people fail to evaluate themselves properly and end up messing their lives. Sometimes it's not that your friend or partner think less of you but actually they are evaluating us and being honest. The truth hurts sometimes.
If anyone whom you considered a friend or partner really treats you lesser then I would say he/she is not your friend or even a lover so why would you even waste your time to please or love them right?
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
27 Mar 10
hi hex,
Criticism it may be call which is the two way process they only differs with the manner it is deliver/ express to the person. I think too it should be view not too negative when it imply to enhance those imperfect qualities as way to give encouragement is better and the only defect when the person or supposedly friend use it to always find defects that instead of identifying weaknesses to rectify it becoming the stronger personality it stirs more troubles and arguments when it is express in a demeaning manner.
You're right when too much becomes abuses which could be comparable to a poison it kill even the last drop of love that remain.
1 person likes this
@janeajozelle (197)
• Philippines
8 Mar 10
it would depend on the situation and the extreme of my feeling if i really loved him it may be hurt myself on the process by loving feeling martyr on return. I would be patience but when it a very abusive relationship I do the same things lead him to the door.
@renaissance2010 (249)
•
25 Feb 10
Hello there,
First of all do not let anyone take away your confidence or self belief. Anyone who says those type of things in a relationship, is either jealous of their partner or is trying to control them and keep them in their place. Don't let a Jekel and Hyde, Off and on personality put you off anything. You need to say " You know what i don't need to hear this, i don't need validation from you or anyone else" Whether that statement is said to their face or in your heart, it is important that YOU believe it. Their bad mood should not decide whether you are happy or not, why should someone have that much power over you. The more you respect yourself, the more they will be forced to. Next time this happens and he knocks what you do, don't react. Begin not telling him all you do, contact less and suddenly you will be the most interesting person to him on the planet. Don't get mad, live your life.
1 person likes this
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
25 Feb 10
hi renaissance,
yeah, that true having a partner who at first congratulate you first on your achievement then later on say something which lower oen confidence is a very insecure person since they do not like their partner to feel good about themselves as once they think they own their partner or friends then out of gratitude following their advices which makes someone think lesser of himself/herself like have no mind of his/her own. So just like the things you mention it is a good things that one feel good about self and never let other take your own happiness because of the reasons they never felt good about themselves they should not influence someone to follow their suggestion it is just a matter of self awareness. thanks.
4 people like this
@pcserver (392)
•
9 Mar 10
Yes, of course. love cannot be just forgotten or stop feeling suddenly. If someone treats me unfarily maybe I would stop loving her in time. it need time to love somebody and it needs time , too to hate a person. True feelings are not so simple at all. I think that my friends and my loved once should support me almost in every act. It is important to be encouraged and to believe in yourself.
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
10 Mar 10
hi pcserver,
Yeah, it would be hard at first to accept that the other person does not seem to care and neglected some of her/his obligation to become a strong support system instead they act the opposite ways flooding mind with some negative thoughts or ideas that they often suggested their partner to change their decision on certain things becomes dominant most of the times. It is really up to you in case you also experience the same things to stand on your grounds and defense yourself against dictatorship of the other partner controlling or restricting your freedom to follow their rules whereby if one decided to show remorse then even it hurt one need to leave the relationship since it it last for a long time and the attitude does not change their is a tendency even yourself would gonna lose your own self-respect for being blinded by love which often lead to abuses.
1 person likes this
