am i going to leave my boyfriend behind or still fight for my baby's right.
By homeshoppers
@homeshoppers (6166)
Philippines
February 26, 2010 7:23am CST
its been months now since my boyfriend left without even saying a word to me to let me know why he need to leave. he just gone. since then i keep on calling him and texting him almost everyday. i stop when his phone was no longer ringing for few days. i wnted to start my life again without him and accept the fact that im just a victim by circumstances and not lucky enough. my old number was blocked, i did it so if ever he wanted to get back theres no way for him to call nor find me. then i use another number now since 2 days ago and now, i dialed my boyfriend number again and ops its ringing again but he didnt answer it again. i tried to call many times and text him but theres no reply.
Now, you think i need to leave him behind and start to move on without him. you think i should forget him. you think his not responsible enough and man enough to take his responsibility so he doesnt deserve any mercy from now. i really dont know. my heart and mind still confused. im doing it for my baby sake coz i just wnt my baby to grow up with a real father even if we didnt live with him at least my child knows. i dont want him anymore and i already lost my love for him. you think i will still going to fight for my baby's right? or just stop and wait til someone will accept me and my baby.
5 people like this
21 responses
@laura_lmaxi (678)
• United States
26 Feb 10
Here is how I see the things, if you call him and he doesn't pick up the phone, is because he is not interests in be back with you, if he would have been, he would have look for the ways to contact you, I think it is time for you to look for another person, and forget about him, it looks like he doesn't even care, because don't pick up the phone and don't return calls or text, I think it is a major lack of respect. It is time for you to move on, and really find someone that deserve you.
1 person likes this
@ifa225 (14461)
• Indonesia
26 Feb 10
Hello home,
it is wise to fight your baby's right, but one thing you must remember is you are fight for your own health. As we know that killing fetus may caused a cancer to you even if you are do that in specialist doctor. Just don't do that because maybe someday you will regret it. Just imagine that you will be live happily together. If there is someone loves you, he will accept you just what you are.
@homeshoppers (6166)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
thats scary though i tried all my best to make sure my baby is fine, i also have prenatal vitamins here and fruits and milk, though sometimes i lost appetite if thinking my situation right now. its really worst. i just wish the baby is fine and healthy inside. i just cant wait to give birth so i can start find job for us. i even tried to find something in money matters, i already submitted a request for my maternity benefits in the government and its already approved and i also applied for loan so i can have a lot of savings for my birthing cost and other cost for my baby.
@homeshoppers (6166)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
yes im looking forward to see my baby soon, i will just show him/her all the love and the best as i can. and hope someday i can also give him a family of our own but right now. i guess i need to rest my mind in thinking too much about the pain. its really painful but thats how life goes sometimes were at the bottom but i know someday we can surpass things.
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
26 Feb 10
You need to research the laws in your country about a father's responsibility towards your child. Is there some sort of advice bureau you can go to?
If he doesn't want to see his child, you can't force him to and he's a total jerk for abandoning him/her in the first place, but he owes you financial support, whether he's in the picture or not, so find out what you can do legally to get him to step up.
@zoey7879 (3092)
• Quincy, Illinois
26 Feb 10
He left you honey, when you needed him most. You keep referring to him as your boyfriend - STOP living in the past, or you will never overcome the hurt that you feel. Yes, you loved him and it sounds like you still do love him, but it also sounds as if you are perhaps a bit obsessed. No offense intended.
Yes, you want your baby to know its real father. But the fact is, this overgrown child that calls himself a man, apparently had no interest in being a father, or he would be part of BOTH of your lives right now. He moved on, and without the both of you. It's time that you cut the memory of this loser loose, and move on. If you're constantly living in the past, it will be hard for both you and your baby to live in the moment and make forward with tomorrow.
Take some time. You'll find someone soon enough that will accept both yourself in the baby. Right now, you should focus on keeping busy with that bundle of love, joy, and soon to be walking destruction (LOL!). Your baby will need you to be performing at your best. Once you're focused on other things instead of the memory of some jerk, those wounds will begin to close on their own.
Good luck!
@homeshoppers (6166)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
actually i dont love him anymore, the reason why i always call him an look for him because of his responsibility for the baby and for financial support from him specially now and since i dont have job or other means of income. thats why i keep on insisting my self. but about love. nope, i love my ex more than him and im talking to my ex right now so if i were to choose im already happy when it comes to love now since i really love him ever since. im just curios if i still need to fight for my baby as its my child right or ill just stop.
@zoey7879 (3092)
• Quincy, Illinois
26 Feb 10
Sorry, the "heart and mind" statement threw me in the wrong direction, I apologize.
It doesn't seem as if he is going to come around for the baby on his own, and you should pursue legal means of getting him to help support the baby if your country has such measures.
@bystander (2292)
• Philippines
27 Feb 10
i believe you don't deserve a deserter like him, homeshoppers. move ahead, there's a new life waiting for you out there, across the seas. also, give your baby a better chance. do you think the guy who has the heart to abandon his baby would give you a good and happy life? i know, you can figure that out yourself. don't waste your time, your tears for an irresponsible person who only took advantage of your being a woman.
@homeshoppers (6166)
• Philippines
28 Feb 10
thank you, i just feel bad about my baby but i know if my baby grow up someday he/she will understand why. i know my baby will grow up as strong and smart person an not as coward and irresponsible as like his father. i will just pray that i will give birth to a healthy baby inspite of all depression and emotional problem i have right now. though i thank god coz i have family whose always extend their arms tying to understand and help me.
@bystander (2292)
• Philippines
28 Feb 10
welcome
.. what you can do about feeling low is to talk to friends, real friends who can accept you and your situation... they can be of help...
.. what you can do about feeling low is to talk to friends, real friends who can accept you and your situation... they can be of help...
@Mike4me (567)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
Honestly your ex is a very selfish freak. He obviously is running away from his responsibilities. If I were you, I'll forget about him and start a new life, you don't need that irresponsible man around you and your baby, I know you will do just fine on your own. Work hard for yourself and your baby, you are better off without him.
@homeshoppers (6166)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
yes, i guess that will i do and will earned to accept. its really hard somehow thinking someone leave me in the middle of this kind of situation where i needed him most. i know his not worthy enough. i just cant help but think maybe because my mind is too focused on what happened thats why its very painful and i admit i cried every night thinking about it. thats why im here in mylot trying to express my sentiments, i want to shared my sadness to lessen some load.
@Mike4me (567)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
And we are here to help you feel better. I express my sadness through writing as well. I know you can do it, just pray that God will give you enough strength to pass all problems you're gonna take. You have to be strong for yourself and your baby. Your ex may have left you but it is all his loss, just think that you are lucky you didnt have to spend the rest of your life with such ignorant and irresponsible man, and i'm so sure you'll find a better man. It's God's way of saving you from the wrong one.
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
27 Feb 10
Hello there.. I know how you are feeling. There's definitely a time to keep on trying and a time to stop. For what I see from what you've written and based from my understanding, I think that should one day your baby grows up and asks about her/his father, you can say that you have tried your best. He/she can't blame you for sure, if the dad doesn't want to be involved in both of your lives. Be strong and move on.. not easy, I know. Think of your baby, and don't care about your ex.
@HansonFan (1653)
• United States
26 Feb 10
No - leave him alone. He abandoned you and your baby and obviously has no intent to return. And, though I understand your want for your baby to know his or her father, I would not want someone who shirks his responsibilities to teach that to my child. He is obviously not a good role model. If he ever returns when the little one is older, let the kid decide how he or she wants to behave around their father. Thats how I was handled when both of my parents abandoned me and I grew up with my aunt. My mother has made amends, and my father has tried but just keeps failing at it. He is on his last chance - if he doesn't come to my graduation, I'm done.
@homeshoppers (6166)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
sorry to hear that, i guess abandoned with both parents is more un-acceptable than just one. yes your right, i should face new life now and accept the fact that this is really life somehow painful but a lesson to learned. i guess i should close his part in my life and it really up to the child when the child grows up. i will learned to mke one step at a time. perhaps i should be tired so i will just sleep straight at night than be busy thinking of what happened to me. i know im not alone and theres a lot out there i just need to accept the fact that it happened to me and that i was just been so stupid about love.
@strawberrychocodahi (4818)
• Philippines
27 Feb 10
Sorry but you have to face the reality of having to raise that baby alone because the man who is suppose to be responsible left you and does not want to take part of the responsibility either. You don't even deserve that guy since he is clearly a coward of what he did. Besides it takes two to tango, you also are responsible for the things you do.
I am also sure that if he is in hide and doesn't want responsibility, there are no laws to govern also to ask for him for financial support because you are not married to him. It will only be his conscience if he is going to support the kid. But accept the worst thing. Stand on your own two feet and love the child and raise the baby. No matter what happens that will be your own, he will never have the right to get the baby even in time he changes his mind, but I doubt it.
@homeshoppers (6166)
• Philippines
28 Feb 10
yes your right, actually im quite better now i also let my old number blocked since his number was thee, its my one way to stop me from contacting him coz i just bcome so paranoid everyday trying to call him even if his not answering his phone then all of a sudden after how many times of calling his phone was off. so i know that he knows im calling. i guess i should not waste my time trying to reach him besides im already contented with my family specially my parents whose helping me as they already know my situation right now. im also happy coz of my ex whose now my current bf, as he really care for me and i know i have future with him. i just pray to god that everything will be fine.
@happy2512 (1266)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
If you decided to move on then the better do your part as a responsible parent to your child. Whatever you decide then stick to it do your best to rear your child but never force the issue of pushing your child to him. He is just showing you that he is a very irresponsible person. Just fight for the financial support of your child do the necessary requirements needed to ask for the assistance. Just be strong & have faith I am sure that you can make it. Do not be afraid there are still lot of person who will accept you & your baby. But please next time be sure if he is the right person for you if not then do not force it. Good Luck.
@homeshoppers (6166)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
yes, but how about the baby, im thinking that the baby will feel bad growing up without even seeing the real father. i grow up with my parents and my fathe loves me nor even spoiled me than my mother. my father never ever hit me. i still know how nice it is to have a father beside you and not just your mother alone. i grow up with complete family thats why i dont know how to tell my child or how my child accept it. i dont want my child to grow up with hate. i really dont know. im very confused now.
@AjaySinghBaghel (5506)
• India
27 Feb 10
As you said you do not want him anymore in your life, so move on with your confidence. I do not know if you are capable to grow your baby without any financial support from your boyfriend, If so you should always fight for your baby's right. It does not matter for him whether you forgive him or not as you said so you are the owner of thinking and what rights you want for your baby.
I would snuggest that you get all the rights for your baby.
@thunderbala (748)
• India
27 Feb 10
i think he is not interested to come back to you right now, if you call him and he doesn't pick up the phone, is because he is not interests in be back with you, if he would have been, he would have look for the ways to contact you, I think it is time for you to look for another person, and forget about him, it looks like he doesn't even care, because don't pick up the phone and don't return calls or text, I think it is a major lack of respect. It is time for you to move on, and really find someone that deserve you.but if you just want only him and expecting him back keep waiting and just let him know you can wait for him sure true love never fails.wish you be happy.
@yresh12 (3212)
• Philippines
27 Feb 10
He left you!
That is the best way to put it.Going back to him is insane.I think that you should move on and take much more time concentrating on your baby. Fight for you right to be mother and not someone who still holds on to someone who already let you go.
I'm really sorry to hear about you problem but It's really up to you..
Should you hold on? or move on?
@lady_magic (43)
• United States
27 Feb 10
As bad as it sounds to say and im so sorry this has happened to you. I was left also, he didnt tell me why and i still dont know why but i found out the day he tok his things out and left me with 2 boys. If he doesnt want to be with you or his child you cant make him stay not if hes really set on not being there. But you do have the right to get child support for your child. And eventually he will see what he lost my X did but i already moved on he left me behind so i moved on and left him behind. YOu have to do what you think is best for you and your baby. But if your hearts not in and you dont want to be with him then dont cause its gonna make you very miserable in the end and neither one of you would be happy. And its not ood to have all that stress and things around a little one. If it was me i wouldnt try to get back with him i would move on and let him go. Somewhere out there there is someone who will love you for you and your child. YOu just havent found him yet.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
26 Feb 10
I think you should look into the Law onto this one as he is responsible to pay for the Child and help you on the Finance Side
If he argues the Child is not his then get an DNA test done to prove it
I understand that you want your Baby to know his/her Father but if he does not want to know it is better that the Baby does not get to know him and the rejection him/her would get from the Dad, any Parent that can leave their child is worthless and I mean any Parent
I could have never left my Children no matter what
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
26 Feb 10
I think that you might be able to let your ex-boyfriend know that you wish your child to have contact with him. You could explain that you don't love him anymore and that you are not wishing for you two to get back together. A letter is an excellent way for you to say this all to your ex-boyfriend. He should pay you child maintenance. Your baby will grow up and not like it if his or her dad is so useless. Maybe you will meet another man. I know a lady and she was a single mother with a two year old daughter. Then she met the man of her dreams. Good luck.
@ralphido (842)
• India
26 Feb 10
I am so sorry to hear about your loss dear... but before doing anything in haste, just sit back and think for one moment about your child's future... Would it be better for your child to grow up without a father than with a father who does not care about his own child... his stranding you in the middle of nowhere has made it clear that he does not want to have any connection with you whatsoever. Now, all you have to find out is "Does he feel any kind of emotional obligation to parent his own child ?". If not, your baby would be far better growing up in a world without that person.. you could fill your child's world fully.. although a void is pretty much unavoidable in your child's heart.. but that is much better than growing up learning the harsh realities of life firsthand from an irresponsible father... Do not try to make him accept you or your baby... for you can never force love onto someone.. it should come from within... i don't know about the legal points, but you could squeeze out some kind of compensation from him , if, and only if you have no other way to survive or bring up your child .. may god protect you..
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
26 Feb 10
I know you are hurt badly. But it is time to move on. Don't waste your time on this loser. He obviously isn't even responsible enough to face you with his decision.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
hello home,
If you don't love him anymore and you want to move on with your life,you should start stopped thinking about him.
He knows he had obligation for you and the baby,but he seems not to care anymore.
Don't waste your time for an irresponsible man...and you must be thankful that,you have come to know the real him.
You can still fight for your child's right...you can have some legal advise on this.
He can't never deny about your child...and he is very obliged to take responsibility with it.
Let the law have him,give him what he deserves for neglecting you and your child.
@smokeywins (120)
• United States
26 Feb 10
While he may have left you it does not mean that he will never come back. The big thing that is probably causing him to stay away is the fact that you have been calling and texting him nonstop. While the constant contact with him may sound like the right thing to you, in situations like this it is usually the quickest way to push a guy further away. Depending on his age, he probably needs some time away to think things through and determine what he is going to do. Its even harder when a guy is younger because a kid is commonly the last thing they have on thie mind and it usually scares the crap out of them when the unexpected happens. I know that you want him in your baby's life, but at this point you need to give hime some time to himself to think. Avoid your need to contact him for a few months and see what happens. If you still don't hear from him after some time, give him a call and see if he responds. If he is still MIA, then you may need to pursue the leagal option in order to keep him in your kids life.
