Does anyone understand this........

Tweet

I'm feeling really blue at the moment. I know the feeling will pass, it always does. I'll be alright, I always am. And probably, in the grand scheme of things, this one little moment in time doesn't even matter at all. Still, I can't help wondering, maybe for the millionth time, if the reason I am feeling so down right now is even normal in the slightest. I know everyone feels down from time to down, so the fact that I feel blue, in and of itself, I know that is normal. I am not questioning that at all. It's just........well, quite often, whenever I reminisce about things from my past; especially my childhood, I get to feeling really blue. It doesn't happen every time I think of my past, but it does happen most of the time. It doesn't matter if the childhood memories that come to mind are bad or good, either sort have exactly the same effect on me. I start to miss my childhood. I miss it so badly that I just wish I could have all that time back again, or that it was that time again....or maybe its just that I wish so much hadn't changed from then until now...I don't really know what it is exactly. Now again, I know I am not the only one who has ever missed childhood, or perhaps the lack of responsibility that came with it, or whatever the case may be...but I miss it so much that I get so blue when thinking about it that I just want to break down and cry! And you know the icing on the cake? My childhood wasn't even that good, in fact, it sucked! I had an abusive father, at school I was that one kid that everyone picked on, etc...So what am I possibly missing that much??? Actually I think it's not so much the childhood I miss as the opportunities that I missed with it. All the little things that people talk about, with a joyful glitter in the eyes, when they speak of their childhood. When they say things like, "Oh you remember, what it was like at 14 and (insert activity here), man all us kids had a blast doing that!", or, "You remember during high school when all the kids hung out at the (insert name of hangout here), those were days!"....Well, the truth is I don't remember what any of those things were like. I don't remember because I was not included in them...So I think I just deeply wish that I could go back and do it over and do everything I was left out of the first time...I don't know. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea here. I genuinely love life and I am very happy to be alive. I'm just blue at this moment but it will pass as usual. Really though....I think I get much more sentimental than is normal over this one issue...I'm sorry, I should stop rambling now. I just needed to get my feelings out...and maybe find out if anyone understands any of this...even a little...