The Cost of Teenage Romance

"Let me start off by saying that a less rational woman would have killed their first born and paid the cell phone company in pounds of flesh." Ditto for me! Still time to do it..........lol Your ex is an idiot and I'd be killing him and paying the cell phone company with HIS pounds of flesh. When parents are living in separate households, but actively involved in their kids lives, they MUST back each other up when it comes to punishments like this, and not undermine each other the way your ex has done to you. Of course, that would be a perfect world and if the ex was so cool that way, he probably wouldn't be the ex. lol At least HE'LL be paying the cell bill now though, so I'd encourage the romance and then sit back and laugh myself silly when HE finds himself in the position you are now in! ROFL

Few things. #1. She was 13 years old. Like a lot of 13 year olds, they don't have full concept of money yet. There's always an excpetion, I know. I myself have been supporting myself since I was 10. But that's not the point. She has to learn the consquences of her actions & that's how kids learn responsibilities & compromises. #2. I understand about children's safety. Now that cell phones are becoming more affordable, I don't see anything wrong with getting a 13 year old a phone. I personally have a daughter that just turned 11. But, refering back to the point #1, I would've gotten her a pre-paid phone. That way, she can't really rack up so much on your bill. Of course she's gonna go through it in few days. More strict you're about it, she'll start learn to manage it better as times goes. Even make it a trade thing. More chores she does, more money you'll put on her pre-paid phone. #3. Well, more like #2.5. Now a days, there are pre-paid phone companies that will give you unlimited talking & text messaging. For example, there's a company called Cricket wireless. $40/month plus tax, basically same amount you've paid for adding her onto your plan, would've given her unlimited talk & text messaging. http://www.mycricket.com/cell-phone-plans. Or another company called boost mobile - http://plans.boostmobile.com/monthlyunlimited.aspx - They charge $50/month for unlimited. I'm just saying there are options out there. As for her laptop goes, I'm not sure what to tell ya. As far as your ex goes, yes he is an idiot & being unreasonable. You guys have already agreed on her punishment. He shouldn't have backed out.

There are a couple of issues here. First, I don't allow my children to have boyfriends until they are 16. My 13yo tried it this year. I happened to be driving by when she was embracing this boy. A bunch of her friends were there. I confronted her about it. She was well aware of the rule because she pointed it out when her older sister was asked out when she was a couple of months shy of turning 16. My daughter denied it, I followed up with her friends and their parents. Not only did my daughter get grounded for breaking the boyfriend rule, she got grounded for lying. I spoke to my husband about it, who has been very lax in his disciplining, but he totally agreed with me. We talked about it and her punishment was to take away her cell phone for a week. I made HIM tell her since I'm alway the bad guy when it comes to parenting. She understood. She also understood the rule about boyfriends and why. Her 16yo sister (17 in April) has her first boyfriend now and my 13yo is cool with that. She's actually crazy about the guy herself because he is an awesome kid. Anyway, that's my first issue. I do not believe a 13yo should have a boyfriend, home or long distance. They are not mature enough to understand what "love" is or that boys want more than just a hug, etc. My girls were given cell phones a couple of years ago when they were both playing rep soccer. We needed to be able to keep in touch because I could not be in two places at once and invariably they would be playing in the same tournament at different parks. The cell phones came in handy. I had a lot of trouble with my cell phone provider at first, I was phoning every month with complaints about the billing and they ALWAYS refunded me. They eventually bumped me up at no cost to unlimited texting, and unlimited browsing on my phone alone. The browsers have been locked on my girls' phones. Our cell phone bill is the same every month. We have a family plan and some people say other providers or pay-as-you-go are better. I beg to differ. I get no surprises. As much as my children want their own computers (they share a PC), they probably won't get one until they can pay for it themselves. My parents were upper-middle class but they never gave me anything I didn't need. When I got my first full-time job I went out and bought my own little television set. My 16yo is a clothes hog. She wears a uniform to school but they have a lot of dress-down days. She continually complains that she has nothing to wear for dress-down day because she CAN'T wear the same thing twice. Well, she has a job now, and her own money. She knows that means she pays for her own clothes and guess what? She hasn't been buying new outfits everytime a dress-down day comes along. She knows the value of a dollar and is saving her money for something big. She bought her own Christmas presents this year and will pay her own way to the movies. If you give your kids everything they want, they will not learn to manage money properly. I hate hearing these parents say they want to give their kids what they didn't have as kids. How are they going to learn if you keep handing them everything? They've wanted tvs in their rooms but I never EVER caved to that. I have to keep any eye on my husband though because he can be a softy. Well, you've heard my thoughts and opinions on the subject. Take it or leave it but my kids have turned out to be really good kids so I know I'm doing something right.

hi cynicalandoutspoken no no no. Your ex is the one who is unreasonable, he did not get the idea that 717 dollars in a cellphone bill was just completely out of this world outrageous and to a fourteenyr old boy in Oregon yet. It looks like to me your ex did everything he could to undermine your necessary punishment. she sounds a bit to old to spank so your punishment is just and good as far as I can see. I do not know how old your daughter is but if she is old enough to get a part time job now may be the time. good l uck and God bless.

What a jerk! Sounds like he is trying to 'buy' her love and make her love him more than you, by being the 'nice guy' and portraying you as the 'b1tch'. He should have discussed it with you first. The united front and all. But since she likely begged and begged and gave him the puppy dog eyes and "I love you Daddy" stuff, he is obviously softer than you and she knows it. So, she blew $400 on a laptop for 2 mos use, and $735 in phone charges. Hmpft! Plus lying to you, to boot! I would be really p1ssed, too. That was extremely irresponsible of her. I think you should step up her payment schedule and she should be doing more chores, to pay it off quicker, then she won't be grounded as long, but still put in the hours, but they will be a bit more gruelling and more like punishment. I think it is being dragged out too long. But I would keep the cell phone ban on her (on your plan) for as long as you feel is appropriate. Until you feel she has earned the trust back.

No, no, no - you're not unreasonable at all! She's lucky you haven't grounded her until she's 18! The joys of having teenage children - awkward, selfish, inconsiderate, irresponsible. But somehow we still love them. Don't worry too much, it'll soon all blow over. At least your ex-husband is now paying for her calls. Let's see how he likes it when she notches up another $700 dollar bill. Boy, won't you be laughing!

I wouldn't say you were unreasonable...but I think your ex is trying to get your daughter on his side...trying to be nice to her so that she thinks you are the monster. Sounds like that to me....children suck up to either parent even in relationships where the parents are together depending on who is letting them have their way....it's easier when the parents don't stay together.

No, you're not unreasonable. She should understand by now that there are consequences for her actions. She was rewarded with the laptop by sticking by the rules for her cell phone. She blew it. SHE blew it. Not you. Although I would have to say I would have been keeping an eye on her use of the laptop and who she was involved with on FB. Her dad is trying to score points off you and that's playing really dirty too especially with a teenager. Things can only get worse from where I'm standing. It's so easy to suggest you have a chat to her where every second sentence is "Do you understand?" and get plenty of feedback from her. Good luck my friend.

i honestly think that teenagers do not need a cell phone until they can PAY FOR IT THEMSELVES! we got into a similar mess with our teenager. she managed to rack up a mess of texts (and a corresponding bill to match) and to that end, she no longer has a phone (hubby lost his job and we could not pay them, so we made a deal with the cell phone company.) she is almost 17 and needs to get a job then and only then will she be able to get her own phone! sorry, but i think that 13 is far too young to have her own phone!

As far as him giving her a phone let him learn the hard way lol lol Let her run his bill up! as far as the 13 year old romance you can agree or disagree but, to tell her no about could be a bad thing she might rebel in a really bad way I would just keep a really close eye on her.As far as computer use. No I do not feel you are in any way unreasonable, I do think it is wrong for him not to back you up.I would take her other phone away from her while she is there if I were you. But, I really do wish you the best of luck hun. I would put a foot down for sure.

No I don't find you unreasonable at all you are doing the right thing to punish your daughter but its not unusual for father to easily agree with your daugther for you know that you also do that when you are younger.

No you are not. No matter what others may say, I think mother is more attached to a child than its father. And for centuries thats not gonna change. I know what your daughter did, I know her feelings as, quite unfortunately, I did the same mistake in my life. Now I am in such a position that I am being fully aware of both of your sentiments. I know your daughter must have quite a strong reason to hide such a fact from you. She is thinking, quite wrongly of course, that you have least understanding of her feelings. There lies the root of the problem. The parents are so much attached to their child, that sometimes they even fail to lower their level of rigidity and ego in order to have a friendship with their child. I think the children had enough parenting, now they actually need a good friendship. I am sorry to acknowledge that what her father did was totally irresponsible way of dealing with the situation. If there is any person who can successfully handle this situation, its you. May god be with you and bless you with enough strength to overcome this. God bless you

according to my view this is right that the romance of teenage when someone in teenage then there is no problem and burden of money and other that's why i think that at teenage is so priceless .

for me you're action to discipline her was correct and appropriate, you just teach her on something that might get you into trouble, you just tried to teach her a lesson without hurting her physically. you must be recieved a credit from your action, according to Dr. Phil discipline is not an abuse.. indulgence is a abuse. hope that i help you.... happy lotting