The Wind In My Sails

Sorry. You are all alone in this one my friend.

I have rarely been troubled by it. Only very occasionally, in fact, when trying to impress a girlfriend of when trying to maintain a posture of business-like composure and competence at an interview or an annual review. Mostly I rejoice in the ability of the human fermentation system to release its products to a feeling of satisfaction and relief. We had a little rhyme at school which extolled the cardiac and pest exterminating benefits of flatulence and I well remember the day that our English master introduced us to the true meaning of 'hoist by one's own petard'; it was nearly as good as a half-holiday. Just now I am awaiting delivery of my wheeled Zimmer frame. When it arrives I shall look forward to putting my feet on the lower bars and, with a long, controlled release, propelling myself at speed for the full length of the High Street. If you are of a nautical disposition, I should, perhaps, wish on you the ancient blessing: "The sun above your yard arm and the wind always astern!"

Now that wouldn't be ladylike of me to talk about.. but I guess I am far from being a lady..I say it all depends on what was eaten the day before or that morning that gives the wind it's momentum and power..Nothing better then a bowl of gassy veggies to get the motors read to rip..The worst thing to eat before interviews,parties or a romantic night out..But they do seem to wanna show themselves more when your in the most inappropriate places and the most inappropriate time.

Personally I like to immediately start reciting the Cyrillic Alphabet the second flatulence rears it's breathy head; but to date I've never been able to get past Yeri. I think it's a joyous occasion that really does need to be shared among those we love too. It's one of the many benefits of marriage actually and being able to set flatulence free after months and even years of tight lipped, red faced containment strategies during the courtship ritual is as liberating as it gets!

Here I sit broken hearted... Paid my dime and only ...

You must be alone in that. I've never heard of anyone else having that problem...lol. More beans anyone? Actually, it must be a pretty universal problem, otherwise there wouldn't be so many jokes and skits about it. As long as I'm not stuck downwind, I've always found 'squeaky shoes' to be pretty funny. Many a Sunday service was spent trying to hold in the giggles at the sound of a squeak from the other side of the church. the real question is why everyone else's squeaks are funnier than our own

Well P1ke the wind has been taken out of my Sails tonight and I am ready to let it sink believe me Could I have some Charcoal Biscuits please xxx

Methinks the fish has been swimming in the sherry again wot! LOL And yes, you are alone in this. My wind is just fine thanks.

Hi p1ke, Sometimes it takes me by surprise p1ke! I don't mind when it is silent and I 'think' no-one knows but sometimes there is such a racket it is as if the storm has just started..lol could tell you when I cleared a small shop out with one if you are interested-that was funny lol hugs LoLo

hi pikefish nope as it hardly ever blows here in ca just a breeze nothing much else but for some reason this winter we cannot seem to turn the rain off, instead just when you are planning something another rain storm comes sailing in just like that. by the by, what on earth is a charcoal biscuit, do you really eat charcoal or is that the name of some really really delicious thing we would call a cookie? we all speak the same language? most of the time,. but really I do not know what a charcoal biscuit is.

Ask my kids, they'll tell you straight. I lie...

Hi p1key, Its the case of too much charcoal biscuits for you I think, lol! I don't like the wind because everything goes wrong with too much wind, it can really be a pain and ruin everything, my tv channels gets scramble when its too windy. Hugs. Tamara

Hey p1key! I don't quite think that you are alone on this one! I sometimes feel that way too! I can just be going along quite peacefully and the suddenly comes that gust of wind and I'm off! But, then I wonder how I got where I was going and wonder how I'm going to get back! Now, that is a very scary thought~ I might be quite far from where I started when I got that first gust of wind!

Hello, Pikey. Well, I've been having a Loud and Proud day today - the last one sounded like somebody was moving furniture over the marble floor. Thankfully, they are odourless, which is a very rare occurrence for me. Mind you, I've had a mystery bug all week, so I've been off my food. Oops - that last one lifted my caftan in the air. Hope the nextdoor neighbours didn't hear it - I can't blame it on Tony, he's gone to bed. I think I'll follow him. These are so good, they should be shared.

I like the wind, I think I'm about the only one I know. I remember a storm picked up on lake Zurich and I spent most of the ride alone in the bow of the boat just letting the wind blow me - I loved it. Now, that was with my first cape - red, from Carnabey Street. Just before the fall semester in 1974 I was walking down to the student union in my black cape and the wind was blowing down the walk. I had worn capes long enough at that point that I knew to hold my arms out to keep the cape from wrapping around my legs. I was almost to the end of the walk when a gust of wind picked me up and "sailed" me about 6 feet. I kind of stumbled to a landing, turned and looked back up the walk, continued on and a security guy got out of his car. "Are you all right?" he asked. "I kind of took off there for a moment, I think," I said "I know, I saw you, " he told me. You would not believe how THANKFUL I was that someone else saw my little flight! Wouldn't happen now, I only weighed about 110 then. But I was walking to get Maggiepie's mail the other day and the wind was yanking my legs, almost enough to make me stumble. I guess I like the wind if it doesn't have an icy bite...

I usually love the wind! In fact, one of my main gripes with the Southwest desert was the lack of breezes, I like my air to be moving about somewhat and not standing still as a tomb. Here in the Midwest there is nearly always at least a gentle breeze rustling the leaves. Lately, though, we've had pretty strong winds and those winds were carrying snow and sleet so I really didn't care much for them as I had to be out and about. It was particularly bad on Friday, when I picked up my son at the airport--by the time we got to my car the snow and ice were blowing almost straight across and traffic was sliding all over the road. What a tense drive home! So I don't like that kind of wind. A charcoal biscuit doesn't sound very good, P1key. I'll have one of my mom's English Tea cakes, which probably have nothing to do with the English!

Oh come on now P1key! You KNOW that I could Never have That problem! What kind of woman do you think I am?? But now that you mention Wind and Your little noisy, stinky problem, I Have noticed a certain unpleasant sound and odor coming through my computer Many times when I am on one of your discussions, now I know why!! LOL XXXX

I kept reading all the answers to try and find out what those charcoal biscuit were . It makes me laugh tho, its something I cant hear without rolling on the floor. My friends send me emails with that type of music, knowing I'll be laughing till I cant breathe anymore. Even the word "poot" has me laughing .....Gawd, whats wrong with me and finding this so funny. ...what a funny subject!!!