How Could I Be So Stupid?
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
United States
February 28, 2010 12:24am CST
While writing discussions on the lot today something became very clear to me. My 13 year old daughter is a master manipulator.
It all started back in November when I took her to see the house I wanted to buy. While she really liked the house she was not at all happy about the fact that it was in a different school district. That month she began growing distant and not talking to me like she normally would. She stopped telling me all about the drama at school, her cafe and her farm on facebook, she stopped telling me pretty much anything. In January her secret texts and calls to her boyfriend cost me over $700 in cell phones overage charges.
Now I realize what she is trying to do. Her father lives in the same school district she is in now. I truly believe she is trying to make me so angry at her that I tell her I want her to go live with her father. This way she doesn't have to leave all of her friends at the end of this school year.
Little does she know that her attitude and a $700 phone bill doesn't even come close to money I shelled out on attorneys fees or the anguish I suffered for the 3 years that he did have custody of her.
I know she is unhappy about the move. I also know that like before, she will get over it. I just don't know how much of her being this way the rest of the family can take, or if the bank account can afford her next stunt.
What do I do? There is no way in he11 I would send her back to live with him voluntarily. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make this situation any better for everyone involved?
5 people like this
11 responses
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
28 Feb 10
Okay, first, thirteen years old and with a boyfriend already?I don't mean anything bad about that, it's just that in our place it would sound pretty weird and so I just want to make clear that I'm truly amazed at this culture difference, although I have to admit that I have heard similar cases already here. Anyway, as for the matter, I think it's the emotional stage she is going through right now. I don't know how to handle or even give you specific advice about this but I know that this matter should be taken into great consideration because it is said that it is at this stage of a growing child's life that the experiences she will undergo mold her to be the somebody she will be in the future. I just hope you could find a way to make her understand and accept it better.Good luck to you.
1 person likes this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
28 Feb 10
She calls him her boyfriend but he lives like 900 miles away and they never saw each other but still in her mind they were "dating". The rule in this house is no going out on physical dates until you are 16. She knows that now. Thanks for wishing me luck. I'm gonna need it.
2 people like this
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
28 Feb 10
Think CONSEQUENCES.
-If she's not responsible to use a cellphone, don't let her have hers.
Good step in your last post about grounding her. Good thinking.
you are the parent, and she is the child. I had this issue with my husband and a one of his kids (now in her 30s, yes his kids are older than I am) and *I* had to be the one to convince him that this one was being manipulative. He had to put his foot down with her, and just not take it. It eventually worked, when she realized that she coudln't get to him.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
28 Feb 10
Hi Cyn, she is a typical Teenage Girl wanting her own way
I really do not know what to suggest apart from sitting her down and telling her that the move will happen and that she is upsetting the Family with her behaving this way can she not give it a try as she is making herself miserable to
I really hope that this will sort out for you
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
28 Feb 10
What's a shame in all this, is that her dad is 'buying' your daughter, maybe to hurt you, or maybe because he's just not thinking. The result is that your daughter is learning that she can pit one parent against the other. Not good.
Having her friends over during the summer may help. I don't know if she has any pets, if she doesn't, getting her a dog might help. It would teach responsibility and give her a reason to want to be home. Starting at a new school with all new kids is stressful, not matter what grade you are in. Are there any kids that she would be going to school with in the neighborhood? Perhaps the realtor could help with that information? Also, check with the library in your new town. Some have excellent, fun programs over the summer. Enrolling her would give her something to look forward to, as well as having her make some friends before school starts.
If I think of anything else, will let you know.
1 person likes this
@AngryKittyMSV (4317)
• United States
28 Feb 10
Have you tried beating her? 
OK, I'm just kidding, I hope I at least got a smile out of you.
Hiya Cyn, long time since we've talked.
I'm sorry I don't have anything to offer but a smartass tasteless joke comment. My kids are still little so I am out of my depth here. But I want you to know I think you're a great mom and I know you will do right by your family no matter what. HUGS!
I agree with one of the other posters here, if she abuses her phone privileges, take away the phone. Take away whatever you need to until she gets the message that you ain't playin'. If that leaves her in a room with a bare mattress and no tv, so be it, she can earn those things back with good behavior This strategy is Dr. Phil approved.
OK, I'm just kidding, I hope I at least got a smile out of you.
Hiya Cyn, long time since we've talked.
I'm sorry I don't have anything to offer but a smartass tasteless joke comment. My kids are still little so I am out of my depth here. But I want you to know I think you're a great mom and I know you will do right by your family no matter what. HUGS!
I agree with one of the other posters here, if she abuses her phone privileges, take away the phone. Take away whatever you need to until she gets the message that you ain't playin'. If that leaves her in a room with a bare mattress and no tv, so be it, she can earn those things back with good behavior This strategy is Dr. Phil approved. @cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
1 Mar 10
I can't beat her she is bigger than I am. No joke she kicked me in my butt the other day and it hurt me to sit down for like 6 hours. So beating is out but I have taken away her phone that he now pays for while she is in my house. She broke her laptop so that isn't an issue and she needs permission to use the desktop for homework and she has to wait until I am home to do it. Next will be her stereo and TV if she keeps up the attitude but she did ALL the laundry folded and put away while I had the other kids out sled riding today so she earned some brownie points by doing chores that weren't even on her list. She knows when she needs to kiss butt. Thank god I just bought her more chapstik. 
1 person likes this
@TheMetallion (1834)
• United States
28 Feb 10
Protecting your bank account is as simple as taking away her cell phone and restricting her phone privileges otherwise.
1 person likes this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
28 Feb 10
STUPID? Not stupid. Just a very busy Mom that is trying to keep up with all the kids and life in general. Kids, especially teenagers, take advantage of every opportunity possible to push forward their agendas. It is up to us Mom's to wave our majic wands and try and figure out what the heck they are really up to.
As for your dilemma....She will have to deal with the move, whether she likes it or not. I don't know how to get back in 'the know' with her, as I am having the same stuff happening with my own daughter (sort of) that is now just barely (almost) on her own. I should start a discussion about it, lol.
You have been an awesome Mom so far. I know you WILL figure something out.
*goes off to read the other responders comments*
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
28 Feb 10
Maybe you should sit her down and talk to her. Tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her how you felt when she was living with her father and how it would make you feel if she went back to live with her father. Explain to her why the move is so important to you. Maybe she will open up to you and tell you exactly what she is thinking instead of you trying to figure out what she is thinking. Keep the lines of communication open. Good luck, I hope it all works out for the both of you!
@machivado (528)
• Indonesia
28 Feb 10
Hang on there good mother. I suppose you can at least tell your condition to her. After all, I really believe that honesty is the best policy, especially in your family. Just tell the conditions as they are, don't exagerating things or hiding things she should know.
@keisey (181)
• Philippines
28 Feb 10
she is in a very uncomfortable position at a very delicate age... I understand why you asked advice on this one, because a wrong move might ruin not just her but your relationship with her as well. I believe in the power of talking things over. I know it would be awkward and all that and your daughter might even want to avoid it but I really suggest that you try to explain to her the reasons and conditions on why you are moving to another place. Thirteen is a very delicate stage of teenage life, it is the time that youth needs more attention, patience and understanding because it is when they start to feel so liberated that they often act without even thinking, especially when provoked. Getting too strict on her and not hearing her out might just make things worse, so I really suggest a mom-daughter bonding/heart-to-heart talk.
