To move or not to move, that is the question....
By Stephanie5
@Stephanie5 (2946)
United States
March 4, 2010 8:34pm CST
I currently live in Indiana. I have 5 children and basically live by myself. I have a boyfriend that also has 5 children. We have been together for 3 years now. He works in Michigan and can only come home 1-2 times a month.
Well, we've all been dealing with this for over the last year. And I'm lonely and it sucks and the doc says I'm depressed....
I have lived all over the country and have never lived anywhere very long... till now. I've been in this house for over 2 years, kids in the same school, stability.
I planned to be here forever. However, things change and my landlord called the other day to say that he had no choice but to file bankruptcy and that I might lose my house.
So, with that in mind, I'm tired of being alone. My boys are at the ages where they need a good man around everyday and I miss him so much. I live in a huge farm house and the bills and travelling are killing us money wise...we can't get ahead.
But, All of his kids live in this area with their mother and one of my son's also lives in this area with his father. If we don't live here,they will all freak out and probably take us back to court,even though we still intend to visit on a regular basis since it's only a 5 hour drive.
I don't want to take my kids out of school but I don't know how much longer I can live this way. No one is happy and I'm so confused. I just don't want to make the wrong decisions for anyone.
Any Ideas?
2 people like this
4 responses
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
5 Mar 10
You will not be happy until you are all under one roof so go for it, and move to Michigan to be with your boyfriend. If I were you I would do it by this summer so the kids can start school in August/September - I don't know when schools starts in Michigan. Life is so much easier if you are with the one you love. As for the kids they will be probably a bit upset in the beginning but they usually get over it once they start school and find new friends. With the court system I don't see why there should be a problem if everyone is willing to visit. If its joint custody where one gets the kids for holidays and summertime then that can continue. You deserve to be happy so I would go for it. Good luck to you and your family.
1 person likes this
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
5 Mar 10
Thank you lelin! I wish I could just go right now.
I forgot to mention that I also have cancer and just had my 7-8th surgery 3 weeks ago...and the fact that his job in Michigan is a temporary one due to he is a travelling welder. So, I could go to Michigan and he could lose his job in a week, a month or a year...he never knows...and they give you NO warning.
UGH! =(
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
5 Mar 10
OMG this is alot to deal with at one time. You have to be so stressed. Don't you want to stay with the doctors you are dealing with at this time? Was there a reason that your boyfriend couldn't move in with you? I know he has a job in Michigan but if its unstable could he find something in your area? I will be praying for you that a miracle happens to fix these problems for you.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
7 Mar 10
Sometimes life throws these curve balls but the truth is that I have found that sometimes they do work out for the best. It may not seem that way now but in the future..it may be a good thing. I can't tell you if I think you should move out of state or not but I think that you should do what you think is best. Alone is no fun..I know. Just prepare in advance for what you think will happen and then if it doesn't..well..that's a plus. BUT if you do have to go back to court..you'll be ready.
1 person likes this
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
7 Mar 10
Thanks Jen =)
I never used to think things through so much, and now that I do, I'm wondering why I thought I was horrible for not doing so in the first place...this sucks! lol
I just want to do the best thing for all the kids involved and it just seems like there is never a 'right' answer.
@thyst07 (2079)
• United States
5 Mar 10
That sounds like a really tough situation. It would be so much easier if your guy could get a job closer to home, but I can understand the difficulties with that as well. If it were me, I'd make the move. Yes, it might be difficult for your kids to change schools again, but the great thing about kids is that they're young and adaptable. They'll learn to thrive wherever they are. The most important thing is that you're there for them.
As for being taken to court, all I can say is don't worry about it too much. I can't imagine the court system telling you that you're not allowed to move to give yourself and your kids a better life. As long as you guys still keep in touch with your kids and visit, it shouldn't be a huge problem.
Michigan's economy is pretty bad right now, and it's hard to find jobs there- but if your boyfriend already has a steady job there, it shouldn't be much of a problem. Apart from the economy, Michigan is a great place to grow up, especially if you're lucky enough to be near one of the Great Lakes. There's a lot of natural beauty and interesting places to visit there, and in my experience most of the people are friendly.
1 person likes this
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
5 Mar 10
It is so tough. I wish he could find steady work closer to home, but McDonald's isn't even hiring around here. He's a travelling welder, so that's another problem... We might not be in Michigan for very long. Everything is so up in the air right now in just about every aspect and it's so frustrating not to be able to come up with a plan.
All I can understand right now is that we aren't getting to spend ANY time together, especially alone time. We aren't getting ahead because of the costs when he has to come back to see his kids. We are more-or-less paying for 2 households. These kids NEED a dad around. I desperatly NEED the help with them. I've just made really poor choices in the past and I'm so torn on what to do. I'm scared I'll mess up the kids lives.
@dobstar (56)
•
5 Mar 10
Well, I think that if you feel sick and tired of people and the place where you have lived for a long time, it may be time for you to move on and find a better and more interesting place. It is all about how you feel and what kind of friends you have around you.
