Any tips on long lasting relationship??
By meembuh
@meembuh (78)
Philippines
March 8, 2010 9:55am CST
How can you make your partner care for you? How can you both understand each other even with minimal communication? Partner is considerably not a talker. Is there a survivor (I mean, relationship that survives with this)? I'm about to give up here, but I know I should not...this leaves me no choice but to break down and cry....
14 responses
@lillysus21 (73)
• United States
8 Mar 10
Hi Meembuh, it seems your dealing with frustration of not knowing where you really stand in this relationship. Not knowing if this person really cares for you. But it's obvious you care very much. Have you ever tried writing to him? When I was younger I found it very hard to communicate with my partner face to face, especially if there were strong emotions involved. So I would write it down and give it to him to read. You might want to try this and suggest he write too. He might feel alot more comfortable communicating this way. Once you have used this written communication for awhile it should make it easier to communicate verbally. If you can understand what the other person is thinking and feeling you can then make an informed decision on where you stand in your relationship and what you want to do. Good luck to you.
@meembuh (78)
• Philippines
8 Mar 10
Thank you for understanding me...I guess you are right on my frustration... I haven't tried writing to him cause I'm afraid he might take it wrongly or negatively...When I was younger too, writing is mostly my form of expression especially with negative or depressive thoughts.. I do not know why I can't apply this things to him...may be because my mind is so crowded worrying about hurting him with just a split of misbehavior, financial issues, work, relationship, etc...
@lillysus21 (73)
• United States
8 Mar 10
ok, so you're concerned about hurting him or him taking things wrong. But what about you? Are'nt you hurting? You and your feelings should matter just as much as his. It's always best to start out communication written or verbal, expressing your love and what you appreciate about your partner. This makes them put down thier defenses and more able to listen or understand what your communicating. I think people who have a hard time communicating are afraid they are going to be attacked for what they may have to say. One has to feel that it's safe to say what they have to say. I think you should give writing to him a shot, what do you have to lose? You're already so troubled. I think also we subconciously pick up on one anothers non verbal communication. Have you ever tried when your apart sending him feelings of love and appreciation. Try this, get really calm yourself, sit, close your eyes and see him in your minds eye and send him love and appreciation. Send him only good feelings not your worries. And then send yourself Love and appreciation. What we focus on expands in our life. If you can focus on what you love and appreciate about him and yourself consistently before long he will feel this and you may find things just start to get better with very little struggle. Focus on what you want - not on what you don't want or what you think is missing. Just find calmness within yourself and decide that things are going to get better now. We humans have enormous power when we use our thoughts deliberatly. In other words deliberately focusing on good things and what we want.
@urbandekay (18278)
•
9 Mar 10
My advice to you is not what you may wish to hear; you say he is not a talker, well that is how he is. It is not a fault but a characteristic. Stop fault-finding and concentrate on perfecting your self. Think only how by your actions you can make the relationship better.
You are his lover, not his judge or psychologist and love is non-judgemental.
all the best urban
@urbandekay (18278)
•
9 Mar 10
That's exactly the point; YOU think it improves the relationship but that is just your opinion. If you really want to make your relationship better stop finding faults with it.
all the best urban
@EARLZHAN (934)
• Philippines
9 Mar 10
HI there friend.. I just want to shae this things to you. When couples first get together, everything is new and exciting they are happy with each other. However, after time, the good relationship that a couple has will fade slowly. that's the sad thing about a relationship. Well.. I think most of couples encounter such problems like that. BUt what you have to do when you encounter that thing? It's simple.. Just go back and think about the good memories that you had in the past. Identify the things each of you did in the beginning of the relationship that created the attraction in the first place. Then together, make a commitment to start over. Start again for it is not too late for you and your partner. BUt starting over requires cooperation between you and your partner. It will not be easy but it is possible. Start by forgiving each other, forget the bad things that happen in the past, and start over again. Crying is not a solutio neither an option, what you need to fix your problem is a responsible action.
@intelpink (163)
• Philippines
9 Mar 10
The best thing to do is to evaluate if you really love the person and if he really love you because relationship is a two way process. you can never go on without being in the same direction. Another thing that should be understood is to meet half way in every difference that you both have.
@iamexpensive09 (81)
• Philippines
8 Mar 10
hmmm. theres a lot of factors to consider for making relationships last. for me, the most important is of course love. why would you commit or even think to be together with someone you don't even love right? i really believe that love is equal to trust. if we love someone that means we also trust them. we can never trust someone without even loving them. this is just my opinion. after that comes respect, communication and faith. loyalty and honesty are parts of RESPECT. you don't really respect someone if you constantly lie to her/him or if your cheating on her/him. now, the secret for long lasting relationship is FAITH! if you believe that you will last forever, that you will conquer all problems and still be together until the end, then theres is no doubt. believe in your partner. believe in your self and always believe in your relationship. then surely you'll last :)
@scja16 (322)
• Philippines
8 Mar 10
long lasting? I am a survivor but regardless if there were a moment that I almost give up, I still wont. If that happens it only means that you and your partner has a different point of view of everything. ( I guess ) Maybe it is better to cool down and just give each other a space to reflect to what is currently happening. Sometimes it is much better to change your focus because that is what I did. I focused on my career to show that i want the family to grow and be stable financially. The more chance that I can give her more of what she wants and make her smile in some way. Even if we are about to have a baby soon, I still love to express my feelings more and more everyday as if like we just met.
If your partner do talk a lot, just let her talk first then tell her everything and tell her the truth about your feelings. If your partner loves you he/she will adjust for you.
God bless
@max1950 (2306)
• United States
8 Mar 10
i dont think you can "make" anyone care for you, it's either there or it's not, but being honest, caring and supportive of each other will or might help. i myself am not a talker but she on the other yacks aways constantly, and i just nod my head. lol
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
8 Mar 10
I think that if there is no talking going on then i think that there is no future.Even if you love a person that do not mean that they love you in return.I think that there are alot of people out there that stick with people in the hope that one day they will both feel the same about each other.If i was you i would quit now if the other person has told you or even shown you that there are no feelings of love or care towards you as this will not be a happy relationship.
@1anurag1 (3576)
• India
8 Mar 10
In my view for any lasting relation there is a need of two things.
first is understanding
and second is compromises for each other.
no body can live the life without compromises. and if he or she can do this for his partner also i dont think there must be any trouble between them
@kyleuy (270)
•
8 Mar 10
LOVE, just truly love your partner and everything else will follow. If you really love someone then you will do everything for that person and yo will never lie, cheat and do anything that will hurt him/her. If you Love someone, then you will respect that person and make him/her feel special every time. you will always think about you partners likes, feeling and thoughts first before you consider yours. and that is if you really love someone.. and that is.. TRUE LOVE.
@arakawaii (270)
• Philippines
9 Mar 10
Many relationship fails because their personality are way too opposite but then again there are relationship that can survive even their personality contrast, for me acceptance and understanding is a must. Both should be open on what they like their partners to do for them and what they hate, cause if that someone really loves you he/she will make efforts...
@arreolabryan (856)
• Philippines
8 Mar 10
I think you need to make her happy... surprise her.. Do things not you usually do.. Love her.. Love don't need to be much.. If you love her don't wait for anything in return.. That is true love
@orcachick (4)
• United States
8 Mar 10
Do not give up just yet. Have you tried actually talking to your partner about them not communicating with you? If not then try it, in my relationship I am the talker my partner talks to but only when it comes to dates and work. When my oartner actually has a problem they will not tell me, my partner gets quiet and sometimes i just deal with it and wait for them to tell me. But in the end we did get into a huge fight and it worked itself out. But I am not saying get into a fight with them. I have been with my partner for over 6 years now but it took alot of work. Thats why I am saying dont give up yet keep working at it, if your partner did not actually care they would not still be with you. If you really love your partner keep trying if you have to cry then cry there is no shame in tears.
@meembuh (78)
• Philippines
8 Mar 10
Thank you for responding...Yes, I know I need to hold on, and hold on tight...I do not want to harm his feelings or upset him, that is why I have been keeping my mouth shut...I really hate seeing his face all frowned up due to the word/s that my mouth had spoken-out of burst out emotions... I am really a talker even when I was a kid, I let everything out so I would not be depressed or anything, but when I entered in to this relationship, I was really like holding my tongue back so that I won't hurt his feelings that's how I love him...but what I am upset about is that I don't know until when I can hold back my tongue...holding back my tongue is like holding back tears that needs to flow and let flow...
