It all feels like pressure

I guess that he has realised that he is guilty of all those things but people don't change overnight. Being aware of something and altering it takes a long time. He should have become aware of it a long time ago. He is an adult and should be a responsable one and should have seen the warning signs. He didn't and now realises what his future holds - no Dawn! Now he will try all sorts of ploys to keep things together but be careful, people don't change overnight - if indeed ever.

He's telling you what you want to hear. If you give in it will take a month at the most for things to start going downhill again. Although I haven't commented on many of your discussions about your relationship, I have read them and from what I've read, the best thing for you and your children is to leave. Do it while you have the courage. I can tell by previous posts that you have done al you can to keep the relationship together and now it seems it's time to move on.

My sister in law went threw this same thing. Her husband was a jerk(not saying yours is) but still when she finally decided to leave. It was like someone threw cold water on his face and he woke up. Told her everything she needed and wanted to hear after all these years. She stayed and it worked for about a month and went right back to the same old same old. I know it is hard but you have to do what is best for you. I am all for second chances but sometimes old habits die hard.

He most likely is just saying what you want to hear, after all you are a woman and they get these crazy ideas, it's best just to go along and things will quite down again. Men hate change unless there's curvey blond involved.

It is pressure my friend. It could be that he is telling you what you want to hear or that he had realized that you are leaving and he better walk the line. There comes a time when it is just to late though. I'm not saying it is that time for you two, but sometimes it gets to the point that no matter what they do..it's to late for it to be enough. Take care.

Well, you could just go for a separation and marriage counseling, if you're not sure. Maybe a little time apart would help you think through things; find out if he's sincere or just saying/doing things he knows you want to hear/see. How old are the kids? And have you told them anything yet? Dr. Laura, not that I listen to her much/agree with her much, would tell you to stay together until the kids were old enough to leave the house. I say to that, the fighting that goes on in the home may be more detrimental to the kids. Are the kids going to be ok with a separation -- divorce?

Aw man, first off sorry to hear that things have gone bad in your relationship. Secondly, as much as I don't like saying it, I do think he is just telling you what you want to hear as he does not want to lose you, but by the sounds of it that's too little too late. Sure, it may well have sunken in..but sadly I doubt it.

It does sound like he is Now trying to be the man you want so you won't leave. It is all up to you. Follow your heart,. If you Really think you can make it work this time then stay. But if it is too late then leave. Do what will leave you with no regrets.But remember, you have the power. Do what will make you the most happy.

He's just saying what he thinks you want to hear to try and keep you there... Run away, far away!

I have been told 'be patient'....'he will change' for the last 28 years and my patience have worn out and the pressure is mounting. The stupidity is believing on others pacifying words when they mean no harm but I have to think that time and tide waits for no man. Will join in your new club pretty soon.

I'd say, think about what YOU want from your life! I have heard that sort of thing and, for me, it turned out to be a mixture of the two...part genuine realisation - part damage limitation. I really wish you well in all this... most important, take care of YOU!!

Hi dawn now didn't I tell you all along that that marriage counseller was an idiot. Unfortunately when you leave he'll pile the pressure on much more.

I dont think Im the right one to answer this. I dont know him, dont really know you either, but it sure sounds like a lot of men lately (sorry dont mean to offend any of the male species here) I was in this situation a long time ago and had enough of this crap after 6 months into the marriage so I just left. No ifs, no buts, I packed my stuff and walked out the door. Its been the best decision of my life. Today in retrospect, Im wondering why I didnt leave the first month haha! Men AND women dont change. We shouldnt change, so if it doesnt work, just walk out the door or kick his sorry a** out the door. But thats me and you're you. So you do what you feel is right for you.

Sounds so familiar...I think the wolf may lose his theeth but never his nature. And that he's just scared that you may leave.

All you have to do is threaten em with leaving to see if the behavior will change or not!

Why? Why was he doing those things, why was he so needy and aggravated? Has he been able to figure it out and talk to you about it? Ask him those questions you asked us. Maybe you just need a long break to repair yourself and lick your wounds and heal. Maybe he will do the same.

hmm..i don't know dawnald..any guy i'd had reverse himself like that always reverted later if i stayed.i don't know him so i can't say..but i'd be wary of it unless he backs up that i'm sorry somehow.

It feels like hot, it feels like cold.. if you feel like you can't take the pressure, try to go for a mini getaway or a weekend getaway to somewhere alone or with a close friend and think things through. Just give yourself and him this last chance, and think over, even though I know you might have gone through it a thousand times in your head. By the way, your kids know about this decision of yours... ?

Yes, he is definitely maniupulating you into staying and not leaving to rattle his world, because he finally believes you, that you WILL leave if he doesn't shape up. The only way to be sure, is time, unfortunately. If he can keep up the grade for any length of time, or if he only acts properly when you threaten to leave. At least, if you decide to stay and try and work it out, you can give him his last warning NOW. This is his last chance, and you will not hesitate, nor stay after ANY pleading, if he reverts back to his old ways.

Hi dawn, what is your gut feeling? because having lived together for so long I am sure that you know him inside out...I know it is such a pain when you come to cross roads and are on the verge of making a decision.Either way one has to compromise...all the best dawn and chin up