Infidelity: Can you blame him?
By melloncollie
@melloncollie (661)
Philippines
March 13, 2010 8:44pm CST
Questions in a loving and healthy relationship.
(1) Are you able to feel that you are well taken cared of?
(2) Do you feel that your partner supports you in everything you do?
(3) Have you two become good friends along the way?
(4) Do you feel that your partner still have the hots for you? That you are still the most beautiful creature in the world?
These are guidelines to know that your relationship is in balance.
Would you blame a man who sleeps with another woman, if the last in the last questions he answers a "NO". His wife doesn't even take time to look at him anymore. Doesn't make him feel that he's still very much desired. They began to live a life of financial pursuit. He's only human. He also has needs. And part of that need is the need to feel wanted. Then came a woman... she made the man feel like he's the most beautiful creature in the world. A sudden boost of self esteem. He feels good about himself. Can you blame him if he hits the covers with this woman?
2 people like this
9 responses
@divineathena (1746)
• United States
14 Mar 10
My boyfriend is my knight in shining armour. He takes care of me really well. In fact, he is always there to support me. However, I don't ask for his support in everything I do because I am usually independent by nature and that is what he really likes. And yes, we are each other's best friend. Our friendship so strong that we really do not need any other friends in our loves. At the same time, yes, he feels physically satisfied with me.
Well, I have researched on infedility. There are just too many reasons why one goes towards that direction. But the one you mentioned above happens in reality, but its sole reason is lack of communication. The husband must let the wife know about his needs. If he cannot talk about it to her then we have to assume that there were too many drawbacks in it from the very beginning.
@melloncollie (661)
• Philippines
14 Mar 10
You are very right about this. Communication is the key. But what is a man got to do if he tried so many times... it became an issue in a lot of their arguments and yet the situation remained the same?
Good to hear that you have a fine man with you.
@divineathena (1746)
• United States
14 Mar 10
Thanks dear.
But here in this case it seems that the woman is at fault. It happened between my friend and her boyfriend also where she never gave importance to his words. He did not cheat on her, but said he would not stay in a relationship with her anymore which I believe is the right move he made.
Sometimes women are overstubborn. And they cannot be made understood about emotions. So living with them can be quite depressing. I would not blame the guy here at all. But instead of cheating he should have taken divorce from her.
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
15 Mar 10
Yes, instead of cheating, if there is nothing left, then leave, get divorced, so you are both free to do as you wish with whomever you wish. Staying married, and cheating, is like a double standard. You expect them to stay faithful, but you do not feel confined to those constraints. Did you not take an oath, make promises, before GOD in your marriage ceremony? How can you break those so lightly? Talk, try and work it out. If that fails....then divorce is the option.
1 person likes this
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
14 Mar 10
The answer to your questions are, yes I feel that I am taken care of. My loving husband supports me in every way, with whatever I want to do. We have actually become the bestest of friends. My husband makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world.
Now, I think that is still no excuse to a man or anyone for that fact as a reason to cheat on them. I think that this person should let his wife or husband know how they feel. Cause communication is always important and let them know that they don't feel like they are important or that they still love them and all. So why not just be honest instead of going behind her or his back to be with someone else.
1 person likes this
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
14 Mar 10
I would blame a man for sleeping with another woman, even if he is no longer attracted to his wife or partner, simply from a matter of TRUST. It's not about whether you have the hots for someone. It's about being honest with the person you are with. Even if its hard to say to your wife or partner that you don't find them attractive, you either state your concern or leave them, but you don't cheat on them simply because of that.
This topic didn't even feel like it was a question, it felt like the writer was trying to convince us that if another woman showers a married man with alot of affection, he can't be "blamed" for cheating on his wife or partner. That doesn't make a lot of sense. You can't try to pin it on another woman hitting for you, for doing something which is breaking trust or immoral. You can't blame another person for seducing you, you can only blame yourself if you go that route. IF you really don't like your wife or partner, why would you continue to be with them? Even when there are other factors involved like you have children or you've been with them for a long time, you gotta ask yourself, what's the problem with you if you can't talk about an issue that concerns both of you. I personally would rather have a partner tell me that they have issues with our relationship than for them to go beep someone behind my back.
If you can talk about a "loving and healthy relationship", the question is about how honest and caring you are for your partner's welfare, including telling the truth about how you feel, and not about excusing yourself for sleeping with someone else without telling your partner, due to YOUR needs. I'm sure your partner also has needs too, like hearing the truth, hearing your needs, knowing what's going on with the relationship.
1 person likes this
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
14 Mar 10
I dont really want to blame anybody if the case is like that because the man is married and he should not be stupid enough to say that he can just be infidel because his wife doesnt have any time for him. That would be a very lame excuse. Its not really the reason but an excuse. Men and women are equal partners in a relationship and both should be responsible enough to take care of your vows and be honest with each other. That's the reason you got married because you were read for those responsibilities and if you cheated on your partner then you are not worthy enough of your partner's trust.
It is also an excuse to say that he is only human. That's the reason why we are being taught some values at home and at school because this will teach us how to become responsible of our actions. But I guess things like this will not happen if the foundation of the relationship is God. A man who believes in God will surely not do anything that will offend God because it was covenant you made during marriage.
1 person likes this
@EldaFreya (37)
• United States
14 Mar 10
But the problem in that situation isn't the infidelity or the excuse given for being unfaithful. A real healthy relationship is founded on communication. If the husband was feeling this way, and was in a healthy relationship, he should have said something to his wife. They should have discussed the issue. If nothing changed or either of them were unwilling to make it work, then cheating still isn't an option. It will just destroy the relationship completely. Better to end the relationship mutually, not hating one another, than to cheat and be the bad guy and the victim, holding a grudge forever.
There are lots of reasons men and women cheat, more often than not it is an issue of power. People who feel they have a lot of power have been shown to cheat more often. It doesn't make it okay, and neither does feeling unloved, because it isn't the root of the problem.
Trust me, my family was destroyed when I was 4 years old by accusations of infidelity. I don't know if its true, but I do know my father had a new woman in his life less than a month later, a woman who had just had a baby and been left be her husband. I also know he cheated on her at least 3 times in the past 16 years they have been together. My father's inability to communicate and his unwillingness to take responsibility for his actions has not only destroyed his relationships with his wives and mistresses, but it also destroyed his relationship with me.
Cheating is not excusable, not for any of the guidelines of a healthy relationship that are listed, its not fair to the other person in the relationship.
1 person likes this
@manyasinghal (2)
• India
14 Mar 10
Relationships require tender loving care to be nurtured and made long-lasting. if you give what your partner needs there is no need to worry.On the other hand if you ignore your relationship you are bound to end it sooner than later. Be patient and kind to your partner. Give him or her freedom, even if it means the freedom to choose his or her partner again. When it comes to choosing a partner your boyfriend or girlfriend should automatically choose you, time and again. The day you are not chosen, you should end your relationship because it will not be worth your time to maintain that relationship.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (38115)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
Well I think it depends on the situation as well. There are just men that are ego trippers that are really womanizers and they seem to be not satisfied having tied to one and wants to try to as many as he could handle. But, I agree with you that most relationship crumble when one fails to provide the basic needs of one over the other. It should always be a give and take situation where you are always sensitive to each others needs and wants.
@mrrome (73)
• Philippines
14 Mar 10
I think I would... When we say Man it is mean that he is the king of the house, and the king must protect not just his feelings but every feelings, every property and every subject that he has that he called his treasures. A king must not abandon, forsake or anyone or anything. He must not let anybody to corrupt his mind specially during the darkest day of his life that the king is weak and vulnerable to protect his kingdom. Right decision for ditching someone or gaining something must conduct where his strength is at most or else the kingdom will fall into pieces. If the action you take is to accept the invitation to surrender your kingship, it is mean that you're not man enough to face your trials that bestowed upon you during your reign.
Being a king is not an easy task. You need to be a servant, a doorman, a clergy, or even a clown in order to balance the harmony in you kingdom to make it last forever. Your action, your knowledge and wisdom will live from generation to generation and your reign will always remember even you're soul depart from your body.
Hold up your scepter and stand to fight for the glory of your kingdom, be a good tactician and do it with sincerity of your heart and with the devotion of your love "remember that eyes can hear clearer than ear, and ears can feel stronger than skin"
@krisnel (498)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
i will answer your 1 to 4 questions with a yes. in every relationship those what you have said are important. if a man does cheat on her partner, he needs someone that could pamper him and love him. the affection to each other should never be neglected once married. but you know its not only men who cheats, some women do that too. so to prevent your partners from cheating they should respect one another, communicate with each other and show your love.
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