What about forgiveness and lonliness?
By bonnie
@bunnybon7 (50973)
Holiday, Florida
March 14, 2010 3:01pm CST
Well,my son is still on a "talking" relationship with his ex and sadly ive had to be also because of curcumstances. Before she met my son we were friends for many years. Plus she is the only person i still know here and can communicate with besides my 2 sons in az. ive had to forgive her for that reason.Getting to my recent dilemma
Sometimes i just need someone to talk to right here when it involves problems with son. For a while he was saying the gal in NY would move here in her own place. now hes saying she wants ME to get my own place. son was looking at a house 2 doors down the other day and when i asked if it was for her he informed me that he was going to help me find a place close where i could live
so ive been depressed over it for days now. Did you ever feel you jumped "out of the pan into the fire"? it seems ive done that every part of my life except for the 8 yrs my dear late hubby was with me.anyway, his ex has said its unfair as he made her leave because of me. and i should stand my ground but i really want him to be happy and all my advice is just not getting through. His ex has said we didnt get along because of the situation here with my son and i should move in with her where we could watch out for each other. I have emphezema and am terrified of being alone. thats why son says dont worry he will have me a place near by
But, how can i be sure of how much he will be there for me? i think not much. yet i think i might not get along with his ex even if the situation were different. Last night I got on a site for disabled singles. or I should say tried to. I thought if i could just find a guy that is a lot like me, we could help each other and i wont be so lonely. well, they sent me a confirmation code, then it said the confirm code was invalid?? What the hey?? so i tried to log in and then my email was invalid...UUUHHGG! how can an email be invalid when that where they sent the dang code? Anyway, have you all got any advice for either dilemma?? btw, shes not coming till July. so i got that long to decide things. yeah, i know, hes let me down from all the promises he made to get me here from florida where, incidently i was also miserable, but not as. i was beginning to work it out there. of course i know we all have problems so what can i expect, right?
Sometimes i just need someone to talk to right here when it involves problems with son. For a while he was saying the gal in NY would move here in her own place. now hes saying she wants ME to get my own place. son was looking at a house 2 doors down the other day and when i asked if it was for her he informed me that he was going to help me find a place close where i could live so ive been depressed over it for days now. Did you ever feel you jumped "out of the pan into the fire"? it seems ive done that every part of my life except for the 8 yrs my dear late hubby was with me.anyway, his ex has said its unfair as he made her leave because of me. and i should stand my ground but i really want him to be happy and all my advice is just not getting through. His ex has said we didnt get along because of the situation here with my son and i should move in with her where we could watch out for each other. I have emphezema and am terrified of being alone. thats why son says dont worry he will have me a place near by But, how can i be sure of how much he will be there for me? i think not much. yet i think i might not get along with his ex even if the situation were different. Last night I got on a site for disabled singles. or I should say tried to. I thought if i could just find a guy that is a lot like me, we could help each other and i wont be so lonely. well, they sent me a confirmation code, then it said the confirm code was invalid?? What the hey?? so i tried to log in and then my email was invalid...UUUHHGG! how can an email be invalid when that where they sent the dang code? Anyway, have you all got any advice for either dilemma?? btw, shes not coming till July. so i got that long to decide things. yeah, i know, hes let me down from all the promises he made to get me here from florida where, incidently i was also miserable, but not as. i was beginning to work it out there. of course i know we all have problems so what can i expect, right?3 people like this
14 responses
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
14 Mar 10
bON, I am sorry u are so unhappy. That is really bad & stressful for u. Maybe by july the nyorker will have changed her mind & found someone closer. I will say this to u & i mean no harm but u can't depend on someone else for your happiness. I learned that the hard way, believe me. Happiness is a stae of mind & u have got to get that mind set & to hell w/all this crap u go through w/your son & his ladies.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
14 Mar 10
I live alone & wouldn't have it any other way. I love my boys but don't want to live w/either one of them [not that they would want me to, lol]. i don't know what's available there but here we have a place that u have to be a certain age to libe there. rent is based on your income so it should be pretty reasonablr. I have had quite a few friends that live there. There are alot of prople around our age that live that. i'm sure i am older than u. The apts. are small but would be all u would need.my health is not dood either but still don't want to live w/anyone, lol. I think the methodist church is behind it but u don't have to be a methodist to live there. It might be something u might want to look into.Be strong & quit letting them stress u out. If u were closer to me i'd give u a pep talk everyday. lol. if u want to pm me your e-mail addy i can do it that way.U are not a dummy.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
14 Mar 10
yes they have some like that here but i think its a waiting list you are put on
sons ex just got approved for one but is thinking of letting it go for next on the list. because she likes where shes at near her son. its been many months that shes been on the list. thanks. i do wish we were near. i got the same invite here from another that dont answer me now?
but i will take you up on that. hugs
sons ex just got approved for one but is thinking of letting it go for next on the list. because she likes where shes at near her son. its been many months that shes been on the list. thanks. i do wish we were near. i got the same invite here from another that dont answer me now? but i will take you up on that. hugs1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
14 Mar 10
you are so right my friend. i really wish i wasnt such a sap and let them get to me. i could live alone i guess. just really scarey to me. every time i get used to it, i let one talk me into living with them. what a dummy i am
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 10
bunnybon7 why on earth do you let your son push you around over this woman this gal in NY, why not make you happy, he is an adult now, you
do not let him boss you around, my gosh why a re you letting these
people walk all over you. Do not move , why should you, let the royal dutchess from New York find her own place. Do you really want to move in with his x, only do that if you really do want to? look stay in your home and rent a room to some nice lady so you will not be along.dont depend on your son, any son that would make you move out for this other woman should be paddled like a brat child. this is all wrong, totally screwed up. tell him no you are not moving, tell the New york you are not moving, and tell the ex no this is my home, I will not move, instead get someone to live with you.And seriously if you have a home,some money and maybe a job or maybe not, be so grateful, I wish I were back in an apartment withmyson and he was wor king again. I am in a tiresome retirement ceter instead. long story.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
14 Mar 10
yes i know my dear. you are in a much sadder situation then Iam. i should be ashamed of myself for complaining so much on here. the thing is, i do pay 1/2 of everything here but the house is in my sons name and is my sons. its just that he said, if i moved here hed see that i never had to leave, id always have a home, of which yes hes said i will have a home but he knows i dont want to live alone especially with my condition. but, he is also asking me dont i want him to be happy? so, what can i say? Ive advised him of the unfairness of it all but he doesnt see it. he doesnt realise hes just falling back into the same trap as the other one that always had to have things her way. which is one reason i wonder if we could really get along (me and his ex) now that son would be out of the picture or not? honestly, ive even thought of asking you or someone else on here if they'd like to move in together2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
14 Mar 10
Bon, u need to take your half somewhere else where u can get out from under all this stress w/your son & his ladies. please think about it. Hate to see u upset all the time. Let him have the fun of paying for everything plus his girlfriend. It might really be an eye opener for him which he needs.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
14 Mar 10
I think as the old song goes 'he's looking for love in all the wrong places'. He can't depend on someone else for his happiness. I believe he's a chip .
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
15 Mar 10
I think your biggest problem is that you have not learned to live alone and become independent.
In some cases, when the children are settled down and have been married for 10 or 20 years, they will invite their mother or father to live with them, once their parent's spouse has passed away.
But your scenario is a big no no.
No woman in her right mind is going to move in with a man living with his mother. Much less marry him. So right now you are creating some big problems for your son, and preventing him living his own life.
Having emphezema should not prevent you from living alone. You have to start getting a life of your own, or you will alienate your son if you keep expecting him to devote his life to you. Wether it is the right girl for him or not, it is his choice and his problem. He has to make his own decisions, just like you have to make yours and move on.
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
17 Mar 10
Well, you know what they say...
Two wrongs does not make one right.
Whatever did happen in the past, or wathever promises were made, will not solve your situation. On the contrary, if you stand your ground because of the past, you will only make the future worse, for both yourself and your son.
If I have learn anything in this life, is that promises are worthless. There are only good for as long as the situation does not change. But the situation always change. Nothing stay the same.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 Mar 10
yes i know your right in a way, but i WAS living alone and had gotten used to that. he didnt have to make all sorts of promises, and practicly BEG me to come live with him so he wouldnt loose his house. you are not seeing the picture here. read above my other comments. its not me alone got me into this mess.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
19 Mar 10
So basically, what you are saying is, your son is putting you out so that he can take in a virtual stranger off the streets? That's what it boils down to. This woman he has met has put you down at every opportunity...did that not send him a clear message as to what sort of person she is?? He is so asking for trouble. His behaviour is shameful and he has his priorities wrong. Why doesn't this new woman move into the house down the road?
This is a terrible situation for you and I really feel for you my dear friend. You must be suffering terribly all through this...to have to turn to agra shows what a sorry state of affairs this truly is.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
27 Apr 10
shes still in the picture on the phone every day, but has not enough money to move here and neither does son have money to move her. so, he says maybe another year
who knows what will happen by then as he does flirt here. 
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
19 Mar 10
hi dear mstickle! you are quite right and ive pointed this out to him. dont think hes not ashamed of himself
he is rethinking his first ideas on this. since ive reminded him of whats to happen if i do this and she (new gf) dont help keep up her end. i will be getting my daughter in florida to move out here. good for her and i. then, if things dont work out with him and new gf, i cant move back in, i will already have other obligations and likely a lease for a place that i cant break. so, guess what? hes no dummy as much as it sounds like. he knows it'd be a bad deal to loose mom.1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
15 Mar 10
Hey bunny~ I'm really sorry to have to say this to you but,
your son sounds like a real whipped wuss! He doesn't seem
to know when a woman is definitely wrong for him and once again
this one is! She needs to stay in NY with her little brat son
and he needs to wake up and grow up instead of making all these
wrong decisions! The other woman, who I can't believe you are
even speaking to caused you so much grief! Why would you confide
in her after what she did to you and how she treated you? That
is your first mistake! And this one that he just met and hardly
knows shouldn't be anywhere near the point of moving in! He
just doesn't seem like he knows what he wants at all! I do think
that it's nice of him to have you living there, but I also don't
think it's healty for either one of you to live together. I
understand that you are worried about you health issues. Then
maybe you should live in a Senior Residence where there are
others in your situation and you would have company! I am not
talking about a Nursing Home! I am talking about an apartment
like complex where older people live and do things together and
keep each other company! Think about that! They have lots of
them in New Jersey and Florida. I'm sure they must have them
in Arizona!
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Mar 10
yes they have those communities here and its going to be some i consider when moving.only problem is that they often have a waiting list and you usually have to move as soon as it comes up or else wait till one is available yes, i know you are right about these thoughts and advice. the problem, one problem, is that when i came back here, i left my car with my daughter in florida, because i really cant drive any more. nother long story there. son and Agra had told me they would gladly run me any where i needed to go. well, when she had to leave, im still in need of transportation. son works different hours and often cant take me to the doctor, etc. well, agra has said she feels obligated since she'd promised and i really have no one else its kind of hard to explain but in any case its very hard to break ties with her completely
yes, i know you are right about these thoughts and advice. the problem, one problem, is that when i came back here, i left my car with my daughter in florida, because i really cant drive any more. nother long story there. son and Agra had told me they would gladly run me any where i needed to go. well, when she had to leave, im still in need of transportation. son works different hours and often cant take me to the doctor, etc. well, agra has said she feels obligated since she'd promised and i really have no one else its kind of hard to explain but in any case its very hard to break ties with her completely
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
17 Mar 10
The first thing that I can say is that as a daughter I would never put a relationship that may or may not work out in the long run in front of my relationship with my mother. My mother has been a widow for fifteen years now and she did take care of myself and my siblings during the early years of her widowhood as we were still children ourselves. However, now that we are all grown, we all work together to take care of each other.
Now, as far as your son wanting to help you find another place to live. I think that is a great thing for him to do. In fact, not being in the same house as him may help you to be happier there than you've been.
I hope that everything does work out for you in the long run.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 Mar 10
right. i see you've read some of my other comments. so you know whats going on at this time. 
its really not so bad i guess. i do have a tendency to over react
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
14 Mar 10
I think it is terrible that your Son is taking the Side of the Girl as he has not known her that long it is terrible
I know that my Son or Daughter would never accept that
I also have Emphasimia and I have COPD I live alone my Son and Daughter live 3 hours away as I decided 3 years ago to move to the South and honest Bunny it is not that bad but again this is selfish of your Sons Girlfriend
Can you not tell him to find somewhere with his Girlfriend if that is the case
Is it your House Sweet
You know your Friends will always be here for you I hope things will turn for the best for you
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
14 Mar 10
thank you thats why i come here for advice. you all are the best and very wise. i guess i will need to learn living alone again. maybe if i get outside of these walls as there are high walls on the yards here in this neighborhood. then i will meet friends face to face. but then i have the problem of walking coco which she is so fast and jumpy its hard sometimes. dont know how you do it.1 person likes this
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
15 Mar 10
Well let me say frankly that I could not follow you clearly but nevertheless wanted to say some words of comfort coz the only thing I understood is that you son wants you to vacate (so that he can move in with his gf)… AND I am deadly against this arrangement. Why on the earth should you move, even if its for his sake? As a son, he should have been with you more often to take care of you…not only has he failed to comfort you in your loneliness, he’s making a demand which would compromise with your safety and comfort…I don’t think you should indulge him. Also, our personal freedom is worth more than any compromised companionship…so even if you move in with somebody you already know, give it a second thought.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Mar 10
yep thats another worry. i could make a mistake again with my decision. i seem to be good at that one thing. if its the wrong thing to do, thats what i seem to decide on
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
15 Mar 10
Hi bunnybon, Your situation sounds very complicated and I'm not sure if anyone who doesn't know you personally should be offering advice. Do you have family other than your son? Remember that his ex may find a new boyfriend and decide that she doesn't want you living there either. My best advice is to find someone to talk with that you feel you can trust. Blessing.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Mar 10
so far that probably wont happen. the only people lives here i obviously cant trust that i know and only others i know are here and online people
im kind of up it without a paddle, huh?
@pastorkayte (2255)
• United States
15 Mar 10
I know it is hard not to feel lonely, but there are a lot of things you can do, my dad is disabled and he gets out to community things as my mom still works so he is alone most of the day. He goes and helps with all kinds of stuff and he meets many new people, which keeps him from being lonely. The thing is your son has to try to make his own life but he is keeping his responsibility to you by moving you close to him, which by the way is a blessing because nowadays they simply put the parents in nursing homes.
Dont get caught up with the ex and dont tell her too many of the problems between you and your son because even when her heart is in the right place a lot of times that causes trust problems between you and your son. To stop feeling lonely, go to parties for singles, learn to dance, take up a hobby, go to school, whatever.
My aunt went back to school to learn computer stuff, she was in a trade school so everyone she got to meet was older, she met a nice guy there who was awesome for her, they are now contemplating marriage and want me to cater the whole thing. So get out and do something for you. I know you are disabled but many programs and schools cater to the disabled and some will even pick you up and drop you off if you have insurance.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 Mar 10
sounds all good but i dont know how to find a place to pick me up and bring me back, etc. we live in a community thats mostly spanish. except on one side of us is an old couple that speaks english but they kind of keep to theirselves and on the other side is a younger couple that you hardly ever see out front, plus in our back yards are high walls, so hardly anyone sees anyone. i might as well be living back out in middle of no where.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
15 Mar 10
What an awful situation! But if it is his house in his name, you are at his mercy. It's not that he doesn't love you, he's just thinking with the "little head" instead of the big one. Men do that.
Stay off those dating sites! Why are you looking for more trouble? Get out and about and socialize, join a senior citizens group and make some friends. Who knows, perhaps you will love living on your own!
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 Mar 10
good ideas but like i said in some of the above comments, i have no car now, cause i was stupid thinking id have a ride. cant walk very far because of the emphezema, and theres high walls on our walls in this neighborhood, etc. im just up the creek i guess unless my daughter comes down here and helps me get a place with her. or i meet someone online i can trust.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Mar 10
It's your own home. I know you want him to be happy, but what nerve asking to you get out of your own home because some woman he barely knows wants you to. I really think you should stand your ground and not let them walk all over you.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 Mar 10
actually he had told me it would be my home to forever untill i die, but it is still in his name. oh well somehow he will work it out he says. im not being thrown out with no place to go. i'll either stay or he will find me a nice place.
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
15 Mar 10
Hi bunnybon7,
Your son still cannot see what this woman is trying to do, I knew from day one that she would get you out of your own home because she wants it, then again it would be better for you to have your own place and watch wht happens to your son, this woman is going to rule the roost and make your son suffer in the end, but he can't see it just yet, he will lose everything eventually, even his own home, but you must look out for yourself now. Your son is too weak when its come to woman.
Tamara
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Mar 10
you are absolutely right. i keep thinking it will be better to be with my own place with a room mate. i think in time he will see. then, i will just say, you know what? i warned you but i wanted you to be happy. 
@deedeehall (1144)
• United States
15 Mar 10
hi bunnybon- i hope this finds you feeling better. i have three sons also that i love dearley. they are all only 7 right now. but this is coming from a very prtective mother. i feel in my heart us mothers need to step back and let our children live thier lives if this means biting our tongues and leting them learn on thier own so be it.this is some thing that is healthy to do any way. i do believe a mother needs her own home after her son reachs man hood.grant it i want my sons to live right down the road from me if it is workable, but a grown man needs his own space and needs to work out some desicions on his own. i know this hurts to hear but it does not mean that he does not love you.just that he is a man that needs to be his own person sometimes. the same way with you bunnybon you need your space. do you really want to spend time with any friend you may meet in your sons house. you both need space ,but it will never change the fact that you guys are family and love one another very much.god bless
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 Mar 10
let me explain again. when they wanted me to move here my son practicly begged me to move here so we could all share bills and he wouldnt loose his house and so id have someone to help me with things because of my illness. i was stupid i guess because promises were made and i kept mine but they went back on theirs. ok? i think hes quite confused his self. since today he again said dont worry. he will live up to his promise and either i will not be moving, and she will get her own place or he will make absolutely sure im ok.