Should I send a birthday card to....?
By ronaldinu
@ronaldinu (12422)
Malta
March 14, 2010 3:13pm CST
Should I send a birthday card to an ex-friend of mine who celebrates his birthday on the 15th March. That means tomorrow. Unfortunately about five years ago we have fallen out. Both of us hurt each other and have said things that we should not have said and done things that we should have done. I take most of the blame of what happened. We have parted ways each to his own life and have not heard from each other except the odd email. We have forgiven each other but we decided to make a clean cut, the less contact the better! This is a special friend who left a mark in my life. Do you think I am still looking at my past? Should I turn a fresh page in my life? I know that it might be better to stay apart from each other but don't you think if I ll send him a greeting card it would be a nice way of saying..."I do still remember you"....
What would you do if you were in my situation. Should I send a birthday card or not....?
16 people like this
50 responses
@bdugas (3578)
• United States
15 Mar 10
I think this is someone you miss having in your life. And some times a person has to be the bigger man and send the card. He can except or decline it and not send a note back. If that is his choice there is not much that you can do about it. How do you know he is not thinking the same thing. If you enjoyed having this person in your life then by all means send the birthday wish and wait to see what happens. Time haa gone by and I believe it is time to forget the past and start anew, with old friends. You said both of you hurt each other, so looks to me like you both were to blame. You will never know what this person is thinking unless you step up and make a first step in that direction, that is if you really want this person back into your life.
2 people like this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
15 Mar 10
Hi bdugas, thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. This is what I did this morning. I sent an email since if I send a card by post it would be too late.
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
18 Mar 10
Hi bdugas. thanks for your comment. My friend replied. I dont know if it is the start of saying the past is the past or else he is being nice.
@bdugas (3578)
• United States
16 Mar 10
Well to me you took the first step, now you can only wait and see what the other person does. Hopefully it will work out well. If not at least you know you was the bigger person and tried, will be interested in knowing if they did reply, please let us know.
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
15 Mar 10
I send a short email wishing him birthday greetings...
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (92864)
• United States
15 Mar 10
I think it is a wonderful gesture to do that. You don't hold a grudge even if your friend does (which I'm not saying they do), and you would could also be opening up the lines of communication for a reconcilation. I imagine your friend hasn't forgotten you. They might even be wanting to contact you again, but are too prideful or scared to take the first step. A birthday card wouldn't do any harm. 
2 people like this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
15 Mar 10
You could could also be opening up the lines of communication for a reconcilation
Or at least its a gesture of say I don't hold any grudges against you.
1 person likes this
@msfrancisco9369 (10002)
• Boston, Massachusetts
15 Mar 10
Hi Ronald,
If you are happy to do it go ahead and surprise your friend. there's a reason for you to greet your friend via a birthday card. well, don't dwell on negative things now. it's over and now is the best time to make up and renew the friendship. be happy. that joy will be felt inside the card. so what are you waiting for do it now. send your friend the b-day card.
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
15 Mar 10
Hi msfrancisco9369, thats what I tried to do this morning. Thanks for your feedback!
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
18 Mar 10
I sent an email at the end. It would not have arrived by snail mail on time.
1 person likes this
@msfrancisco9369 (10002)
• Boston, Massachusetts
16 Mar 10
Great decision. so, i am sure your friend will be happy to receive this wo nderful surprise from you. did you send it or mail it?
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
15 Mar 10
I think you should send the card! He will appreciate that you thought of him. It sounds like deep down that is what you want to do, so go ahead and do it. Just sending a card won't or shouldn't cause any problems but it is a nice way of telling him you remember.If you don't at some point you may regret not doing something nice.
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
15 Mar 10
thanks cerebellum for your feedback. Finally I decided to send an email and thats what I did this morning. thanks for your thoughts.
1 person likes this
@Epicmuffins (13)
• United States
15 Mar 10
Even though some bridges are burnt they can still be rebuilt, and more bridges means more ways to cross the river =p.
2 people like this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
15 Mar 10
Thanks Epicmuffins I hate have any burnt bridges with anybody:)
@idowrite72 (2213)
• United States
15 Mar 10
Send it!! It's a way of saying I still think of you and want to be friends regardless of what happened between us. Turn that fresh page and make the start of the next chapter. All that can happen is that they are stuck in the LAST chapter, but I doubt it. Sometimes it just takes one or the other of you to make the first move. DO IT!
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
15 Mar 10
Thanks for your reply. I did send it.... I made the first move at last! :)
2 people like this
@idowrite72 (2213)
• United States
15 Mar 10
You won't regret it and hope all turns out great with the friendship!
1 person likes this
@margerydaw14 (735)
•
16 Mar 10
Send the card. by not doing so, you may regret it. It won't hurt just to make the gesture. A very dear friend of mine emigrated to spain, she wrote and told me just before she went, and instead of contacting her straight away to get her address, i left it and left it and now she's gone and I will never see her again. I havent even got her daughters married name! There is an old saying 'never put off til tomorrow what you can do today'. Take it from one who knows. just send the card, if you hear nothing, you havent lost anything. but you sound as though you regret your parting from your friend.
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
17 Mar 10
Hi margerydaw14, I did not regret sending the email...though i have received a brief reply, i preferred if he wrote in detail... anyway i am still at a loss.... thanks for your reply.
@margerydaw14 (735)
•
18 Mar 10
at least you've tried and have made the first move. give it time, hopefuly your friend will response again, I do hope so 
@thesaiyanprince (542)
• India
14 Mar 10
ya i guess you need to.. fights between friends are so common buddy...
you still feel that you need to give him a card...
that shows you are still in love with him/her..
follow what your heart says..
it might be the revival of your friendship...
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
14 Mar 10
It's hard when you have to let a friend go but sometimes its best for both ways!
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@thesaiyanprince (542)
• India
14 Mar 10
ya..
in future you may feel bad...
i had the opportunity of giving the card... may i could have given it.. if i had given it... i might have got a good friend..
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
18 Mar 10
thanks thesaiyanprince for your reply. I have sent an email and my friend replied back. I dont know if we are going to be back on track or notbut at least it was an ice breaker
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 10
hi ronaldinu wish I had not read the responses as now I am being wishy washy yest I still think a birthday card to an old friend, well x friend would not hurt anything and is a sort of sweet gesture, Just because you are no longer real friends, doesn't mean you need to be enemies, too.
go ahead, get a nice birthday card and send it as thats really what you want to do,is it not?
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
18 Mar 10
Hmm I do appreciate your advice Hatley. Nice avatar by the way. Your advice bear fruit tool...
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
16 Mar 10
Some pretty sage advice here...from the "Lady revered for common sense"...as usual Hatley expounds some more good advice. Take care and Cheers!
@celticeagle (167071)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Mar 10
Well, in your very first sentence you answered your own question. You used the word 'ex-friend'. That would mean you are no longer friends and there for do not need to send a card. Unless ofcourse you still feel friendly toward this person and in that case I would send a card and write in it just what you put in your post. So, if you want to tell him these things then by all means send the card.
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
15 Mar 10
There are no ties as we used to have in the past thats why i used the word ex friends
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@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
15 Mar 10
Hi ronaldinu! As you have already realized there are two ways
to look at this! You can send him a card just to let him know
that you still remember his birthday. But, then you could be
"opening a can of worms" as they say and might be bringing him
back into your life which you may not be really ready for! I
have done this myself and sometimes regretted it! It is totally
up to you! Sometimes things are better left the way they are,
but it is a difficult question to answer and one that only
you can decide!
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
18 Mar 10
HI Opal
I have reflected on your advice. It makes sense.
I think when two people fall out, both parties have something to blame.
Sometimes it is the best to put your past behind you....
Thanks for your reply
@lynkshadow (299)
• Canada
16 Mar 10
I would send a birthday card if you still want to have contact with this person. I would send a card explaining, we've had our falling outs, its been five years etc if you want to contact me give your email addy, see where it goes. Maybe you can be friends again because alot of things change in 5 years.
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
18 Mar 10
Hopefully things change for the better. Thanks for your advice.
@rosegardens (3034)
• United States
15 Mar 10
I don't see what the harm would be to send a card. It shows you still care and have allowed yourself to forgive him.
I don't know why you two had such an argument; knowing you even this short time by your posts, you seem to be such a decent fellow. I do wish if he made such a mark on your life (a positive one I hope!!) you can become friends once again. That is up to you and him though.
Sending a card would be very nice and may help to mend bridges just a bit. At least it will open a door for communication, even if you can no longer be friends.
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
18 Mar 10
Hi rosegardens. nice avatar. There is no harm in sending a card as you have said but the fear of rejection was great. thanks for your feedback.
@rosegardens (3034)
• United States
19 Mar 10
Ah, I see. I hate that feeling. I hope it all works out to your favor.
Thank you, this is from my yard. I went outside this morning and saw the yellow bud. I saw absolutely NOTHING yesterday that resembled a flower! By this afternoon it had begun to open up. I am sooo happy they have started to bloom!
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
15 Mar 10
If you miss him and would like to be friends again, by all means send the card with an apology. If he doesn't respond, you will have one less regret because you extended your hand even though he did not take it. The fewer regrets you have, the happier your life will be.
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
15 Mar 10
He replied back with a simple thank you. At least he seems to appreciate. It was a polite response. I don't know how to interpret it. Maybe he wanted to say thank you but no thank you.... Anyway life goes on...
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
15 Mar 10
Hi, ronaldinu. If it was me, I would send it. It is like you are trying to make amends from the past to start off a fresh beginning. That could ignite your true friendship and make you both remember your love for each other. That could also show your friend that you want to move past what has hurt the both of you. Be the mature one and send the card. You would be doing yourself a favor and your friend too. I hope that your friend will love your card.
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
18 Mar 10
HI crem thanks for your feedback. Yes that's what I am trying to do, make amendments. I don;t know if it would re ignite our friendship or not... well see how it goes...
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
15 Mar 10
If you have to ask whether to send the card or not, don't. If you really wanted to send it, there would be no question in your heart or mind.
My brother and I had a terrible disagreement and he refused to talk to me for over a year, but I refused to let him go that easily. No matter what he did, he meant far too much to me. I kept calling and writing and sending him little things just to keep in touch.
When my husband had five heart by-passes, my brother came back to me and did everything in his power to help. We are closer than ever these days and I am so glad I did not give up. But, never once did I question whether pursuing his friendship and family love was the right thing to do. I knew it was.
I would do the same with someone I counted as a true friend at any time in my life.
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
15 Mar 10
I am happy to hear that your quarrel with your brother is something of the past and that things are over and you have resumed your ties with him.
@doglady112 (604)
• Canada
15 Mar 10
I think you should, everyone can use more friends. I think it's great the two of you have tried in the past to reconnect. I wish I could have connected with one of my friends. But she doesn't want to see me anymore. I haven't seen her since I married my husband. We were really close when I was a teenager, but not now.
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
15 Mar 10
Hi doglady that's what I did this morning. I sent him a brief email wishing him a happy birthday. I don't think that things will get back to normal but at least it shows there is no grudges between us.
@woaijuanmao (27)
• China
15 Mar 10
hi ronaldinu, in my opinion it's advantage to send a birthday card.maybe your friend has the same thought.but there must be someone to take the first step.so sending a birthday card is a good way.
have a nice day
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
15 Mar 10
sometimes its very hard to take the first step.
I tried. Thanks for your reply.
@neutrinomuon (135)
• Portugal
15 Mar 10
One thing that I don't understand: Have you truly forgave each other? Because, if you have forgave him, that's no problem at all for sending him a birthday card. There's one more thing, if you're cogitating giving him a card, perhaps you never forget about the past! One last phrase, if I was him and received something from you I could have three different attitudes:
1- I could think that you're making some kind of irony...
2- I could think that you're saying in other words that you were wrong...
3- I could think that we could be friends again!
It may depend on the type of person he is...
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
18 Mar 10
1. no kind of irony , ia m being honest about my feelings towards this person
2. yes i was wrong... definitely...t hats why i think i should make the first stpe
3. i would like to be friends again but i know its very difficult
Thanks for your reply.
