Is it love or do you feel like you just need someone?
By princessem
@princessem (86)
United States
March 14, 2010 7:31pm CST
I have been with my boyfriend now for a few months, and honestly, I am not completely sure if I love him or not. Before we started dating, my boyfriend and I of 2 years broke up, and I really never thought I would love again. But I guess everyone feels that way when their heart is broken. I had talked to a few other guys when we broke up, but my ex was still all I could think about. Then the guy that I am with now came along, and we just really seemed to hit things off. But sometimes I wonder if it really is love or if I feel like I just need someone to fill that void. And I never pictured myself having a rebound...? I really don't want to lead the guy on that I have now if this isn't real. Any suggestions?
10 responses
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
I could not really determine the circumstances behind your affair with your previous and current relationship. But, from what I read about in your post it seems that the current one was created out from you breaking up with your BF of two years? Well if that is correct then I conclude that it may be because you rush things off to replace the previous relationship too soon. That makes you think that you are not sure about your feelings with your current one.
One common mistakes about ending and beginning relationships is that many want to replace to old one with new ones not really knowing if they are really ready to accept a new one. Sometimes they try to hide the pain by engaging too soon and realized that its too late to back out because they are committed already.
What to do right now if your in this kind of situation is to be honest with yourself and your partner. I think the truth will set you free and if you keep that truth to yourself you will be imprisoned for life with that. I guess when ending a relationship you should allow some time to learn from that broken relationship before preparing for another one. Maybe you may agreeing on cool off period with one another while you try to know and determine what you want in your life.
@yresh12 (3212)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
I think that all of us go throught this. I have a boyfriend who's been with me for 2 years. It's still hard for me to get involved with someone. i told him before that he's going to be the last on eI would love. He has a girlfriend right now, my feeling for him before is different now.
I think that loving your boyfriend now is a good idea and don't think about your ex he doesn't even care for you now.
ENJOY THE HERE AND NOW
@princessem (86)
• United States
15 Mar 10
Yes, I agree, we all go through this, especially with our first loves. My ex also has a new girlfriend (I found out after we broke up that he cheated on me with her). It has been almost six months since we have been apart, and it gets easier everyday. I do think that he will always care for me, and I think that he will eventually realize that no one will ever be able to care for him as much as I did. I don't think I could get back with him knowing what I do now, but maybe sometime in the future, we can be friends, because I will always care about him and I hope him the best. Thanks for your advice!
@rmuxagirl (7548)
• United States
15 Mar 10
I am very much in love with my boyfriend. You need to determine whether or not what you feel is real or not Im not sure how you are going to do that. I mean my ex and i broke up and a month later I was with someone else and I was very much in love with..I still am but i don't think what I feel for him was rebound or else I still wouldnt feel this way. unfortunately he was not the right man for me but I found someone who is. You feel it in your heart if it is real or not and I dont know how else to describe it.
@princessem (86)
• United States
15 Mar 10
Thanks for responding. I will admit that when we got together, I wasn't completely over my ex, and he does make it hard on me by calling all the time wanting to get back together, but I think if I didn't love the guy I was with now, I would take him back. He was my first love. I am a firm believer that you don't fall in love - you grow in love. So maybe a little time is all we need (:
@hisoka147 (606)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
I think that your ex boyfriend was your first love. It would really be hard and it may take some time to forget him. If you really think that you need to move on then you can always look for somebody else. Or take some time just to stay as an available girl. Time will soon going to come when the right person are going to approach you. At a time like this, what you really need is some time to clear and focus your mind.
@princessem (86)
• United States
15 Mar 10
You are correct about the first love thing. I really think that the guy I am with now will eventually help me get over him.. I really don't want to find anyone else. And for some reason, I seem so much happier when I am with someone than when I am single. But I am going to take some "me" time and really think about things. Thanks for your response!
@kaylachan (71967)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
15 Mar 10
Do you feel easy when you are with him? Do you feel at all unconfortable around him? If you answer no to both those things then chances are you love him. Do you doubt how he feels about you? Again that should be a'no'.
Relationships aren't easy especially those that start after another ends baddly. I think, and mind you I'm not a professional, this is simply an observation based on your post, that maybe you are afraid of falling and love. The very idea that it might be happening so soon after your previous break-up, is what's causing this doubt to manafest.
Once you let go of this fear, then you'll be able to interupt your feelings a lot more.
@princessem (86)
• United States
15 Mar 10
Okay - no to the first two questions, but yes to the third. Deep down, I feel that he loves me, but he has a lot of trust issues that are a result of his last relationship. I try so hard everyday to prove to him that he can trust me, but I know it is going to take time, just like it will take time for me to completely get over my past.
I believe you are right about me being afraid of falling in love again.. It took so much before for me to give my all to someone, for it to just be thrown away. I am really going to try to let down my walls and give my whole heart to him. Great advice! Thanks!! (:
@umit_umit (1984)
• India
15 Mar 10
its true,there is definately someone who really cares for you and thats why you want to talk with that person when you have known many persons and again you want to talk to that person,and even that person talks to you after break off it means you love each other!if dont, then take it for sure that, the person is the right choice!and nowadays its very common phenomenon!
@sinois (139)
• Mauritius
15 Mar 10
Look carefully at what you've written, you've given reasons why you should give him a chance but look again, i dont want to be the negative bad guy out there, i have pretty much the same story as you, except that i was going to get engaged and you know the rest.. well. To me it seems that you are trying to convince yourself. all the reasons you've given revolves around him when in fact they should be revolving around you! you know the electricity you feel when you fall in love! i suppose you are lonely and your are being positive and thats the right attitude but i would like you to picture yourself in the long run! and i'm sorry if i'm being a bit nasty. cheers life is very short, live every second of it like you want it to be! i repeat Like YOU Want It to Be!
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
16 Mar 10
It is simple Princess... Talk to yourself! Your friends will be able to advice you. I really have no idea about your present relation or the previous one. And I assure you that with this much data, it is not possible for me or anyone, to determine whether you really love this guy or not. Only you can find it out!
Talk to yourself! Analyze things and situations and the circumstances... You say you really seemed to hit things off, with this guy. I don't see any problem in being with him if you feel attached. And yet, it is upto you to determine..
I have known a lady who after breaking up with her boy friend, started dating another guy immediately. They got into a relation! But after some time, when her grief of the previous break-up was gone, she left this new guy. Now, this fellow was really attached to her and loved her madly... now, he is a broken man. He drinks and drinks and drinks... I and his other friends are doing all we can, to bring him back to regular life. I related this example, not to scare you. I just wanted to put a picture of one of the possibilities... Good Luck!
have fun!
@mrfdg1972 (3237)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
Hi, Honestly,,,,You still have a l o n g way to go, ask your mom what love is?
@eubilisa (211)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
You know to love someone is not an easy decision to make and it's not a decision either because you love the person for no reason. Now, if you're unsure about your feelings towards him then why not give yourself a break and try not to see him for a few weeks or months and then if you misses him for no reason then I think you love him and that's love. Sometimes, we make decisions in life that we rush on without even considering how we feel about that but at the end of the day surely you'll be the one to figure out if you love the person or not because a companion is different from boyfriend or husband.