Is it useful to blame yourself?

I guess it is okay to blame yourself once in a while but once you know that it was you that was the cause of its failure then move on and try to correct what can be corrected and that is it. I really think that it is nor right to constantly blame yourself because it will just demean you and will make your self worth lower which you do not deserve.

I think it's only useful if it really is your fault. Sometimes things just don't work out and there was no way for us to see that before hand. On the other side of things, sometimes it's our fault and we need to own up to that and take responsibility. Either way, just learn from your mistakes and use it to make you a better person.

usually if we still love that particular person who hurts us we often blame ourselves why it turn bad or had problem within the relationship, its mostly what women thought but i guess when u had moved on and thinking about that instant situation then u just realized i dont have done anything wrong about it, its just that misunderstanding was the main reason and also it was that particular person who done wrong thats why it happen. sometimes we should not blame ourselves think first the situation and analyze what went wrong before making any decision. sometimes things happen for a reason and beyond our control. i guess that what life is all about.

Blaming ourselves can do us hardly any good at all. Sure, there are some things that we do that are not going to go the way that we had planned and thus it blows up in our face. Therefore, we will be apt to blame ourselves for something like that. We wonder how we could have screwed up so badly. What could have gone wrong? Why did something this bad happen? However, that really should not be the thing we should be thinking about. Instead of thinking about why, we should think about what lessons that we had learned from this experience that we are blaming ourselves. We need to learn something from anything in life. Instead of blaming ourselves, we should be thinking about what we can do to improve ourselves. To ensure that the situation does not occur again in the future.

well if sometimes you blame yourself for the grind,then you get a way out of it!bt not always!its not advisable!

hi kevinll. i think it is very human to blame ourselves when things do not turn out the way we want them to. it is very human too to blame others for the things we least expect to happen when they happened. either way, blaming ourselves or blaming others do not work in the long run. we should get up, see what's wrong, look up for the best solution and move on...

I wouldn't say that blaming one's self often is a good thing from the point of view of self-esteem and confidence. Continual self-criticizing might lead to a constant disbelief in one's emotional intelligence... That is very harmful, as it might lead to BPD or something like that.. Never let anyone else to affect your self-esteem (I am not talking about EGO!). Self-testing and self-analyzing are very helpful. Everyone should make it point to analyze what happened today and what went wrong and what was right.. .etc every night. That will help in improvisation of personal and emotional intelligence. Also, the balance will be maintained... Have a nice time!!!

hi kevin great discussion. I used to blame myself a lot more often but since I have become a senior citizen I have realized a lot of times when I thought something was my fault,it really was not. so why blame myself for someone else's mistakes. this just makes me feel bad and does nothing to the one who was to blame. But like I told my husband when we first met,nobody is ever going to hit me,nobody, and he was so sweet as he agreed no woman should ever be a punching bag for a man. My dad was the onewho always used to make me feel so bad about myself, nothing I did was ever good enough for him, you can do better he would say. no I cou ld not daddy as I did my very best. well I grew up and realized he was never going to praise me no matter how good I w as at something. so I learned to up my self esteem and my husband was a big help in that.

hie kevinll, alot of us have a tendency either to blame ourselves or blame the other party. no point doing this. be practical, sit down and discuss what went wrong and why it happen etc. be honest though at times it hurt. once we identify the reasons for failure or reason out how it should be fixed, we move into a postive direction to prevent future wrongs or misunderstanding in any dealings or relationship. we need to change our focus and most cases we ourselves need to change for the good of ourselves. we should not change because someone pressured us or we want to please someone like our hubby etc. it will work for a while and its back to the old. always remember we cange bacause of ourselves and we want to change to better ourselves. thus do not blame yourself when things dont work out as it takes 2 to clap. always ask GOD to minister to us and He will help us out.

As far as I am concerned, I think I do not usually blame myself. Though sometimes, I will say some bad to myself for what I have done does nothing to do with the problems. After some while, I will kepp me to calm down, which can help me to consider the thing a second time. In this way , I usually get myself improved a lot in my daily life.

Balance of everything.Not everything is your fault, Not everything is there fault. Weigh in the situation?Was it your doing? what can you do to make it right and improve? I think that is the only way we can grow. If we only think one sidedly we would never go anywhere. Just concentration on the things that doesn't even matter,.

Yep, blaming ourselves too much, will create a sort of complex and underestimating our own. This will make you feel low and sometimes depressed. So be balanced, to accept your mistakes at right time and feeling you are good decision maker without commiting mistakes most of the time. I try to make a balance in me.

I appreciate your comments here. I think there are two sides of the coin. There are people who blame themselves but should not. Then, there are people whose marriages don't work out, and they totally blame the other person and don't evaluate anything at all that they may have done which led to the demise of the marriage/relationship. In terms of abuse of any kind, no one should blame him or herself. At some point, there may be a need to question how and/or why he/she ended up in such a relationship...it may indicate a need for boundaries and/or better self-esteem...this could lead to the person being in healthier relationships in the future. Again, though, there is NO excuse for any kind of abuse! And while the person abused may evaluate how this came about, he/she must not blame him/herself for the other person's awful behavior but must simply search out health, wholeness and healing. I also think this principle carries over to situations other than failed relationships. (Perhaps you were speaking generally in your discussion or perhaps not?) For instance, sometimes a job doesn't work out. Sometimes, the employee is to blame. But sometimes, there are other factors which are out of a person's control. I think it's important to have a healthy view of yourself--being willing to look at yourself and make changes you may need to but also taking other people's opinions of you with a grain of salt. Anyway, thank you for your comments! I really do appreciate this! Have a good evening~ thepianoladie