Being Mom Just Never Ends
By DCMerkle
@DCMerkle (1281)
United States
March 17, 2010 5:51pm CST
I have a 25 year old son. Recently we have been round and round about an issue that took place weeks ago. The e-mails have been flying.
He had re-started taking medication for his A.D.D. after not taking it for a few years. Before he started over again, he was taking 5 htp that is a natural supplement that was to help him sleep. Anyone who takes any medication knows that it takes awhile before you start seeing or feeling it's effects. Sometimes the effects are to be expected; good or bad. Well, he called me and said that he was feeling light-headed and that his heart was beating hard in his chest. At this point he had been taking the A.D.D. meds for about 2-3 weeks by now. He wanted me to call the pharmacy and ask the pharmacist if it was the medication that was doing that and would it stop and just a lot of questions that I knew was a waste of time.
I told him that he needed to make the call himself or call the paramedics. He was just refusing to do either. The upshot of all this was that he did not make the call and as much as I was worried about the whole situation, nothing of serious consequence happened. The meds seems to have evened out now.
Well, he has now said that he is still mad at me for not taking care of that and not making the call for him. He said that he felt like I wasn't concerned. I'm not totally shocked about this statement because sometimes he can just be a hard head. He is living on his own right now. Is making well of it all, but I know that he is missing the ease of asking me to do something for him. He was testing me to see if I would come to his aid. I do believe that he was in a medical crisis at the time, but not enough that he felt that he had to go to the hospital.
He also didn't understand that because of the Hipaa Act, my hands were tied. I know that the pharmacists would not talk to me knowing that my son was over 21. The health profession can't release any information to anyone else other than the patient themselves. My son told me that I didn't have to say that I was calling for him, but to make the call as a hypothetical situation. That would have been a waste of the pharmacists time.
All today he has been trying to guilt me out over it and saying that he doesn't feel like he can count on me for anything in the future. I keep telling him over and over again that's not the case. That even if he was in an E.R., he would still have to give the Dr. permission to discuss his case with me.
I also told him that if I had felt that it was really serious I would have called an ambulance for him, but at that point he still could have turned it away and refused help. So, what was it that he really wanted me to do? What is it that really is of concern to him?
2 people like this
3 responses
@bamikalipal (588)
• Philippines
18 Mar 10
You are right, DCMerkle. Being a Mom never ends. "A mother is a mother all her life..." or "A mother is someone who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take."
There are laws that we need to follow. Your son is of age and his privacy cannot be violated, according to HIPAA. The pharmacist will be in jeopardy of losing his license if he discusses your son's medication with you. However, your son has ADHD which is often accompanied by depression. He believes that being a son, he can turn to you for help anytime. What a vicious cycle. Being a mother myself, I know how you feel.
He could have called the pharmacy, but he didn't. You'll probably have to sit down with him and have a serious talk. If it comes to the point when counseling is needed, you may have to resort to it. Sometimes, kids tend to listen to other people. On the other hand, he may resent the idea of going for counseling. Maybe a close family friend can help. But this problem definitely needs to be resolved.
All I can say for now is that nothing lasts forever, i.e., problems get solved sooner or later. Please don't despair. Have faith in God.
Have a good day, DC...
@DCMerkle (1281)
• United States
18 Mar 10
He knows that I will be there for him if the need arises, but certain things in his life, our life has changed and there's just no way around that. I told him that if he was in a hospital he would have to give permission to let me talk to his doctor if he wanted that. He is going to counseling and I'm hoping that he will discuss this with her. He thought that I was trying to show him tough love. It wasn't. It was life, just that way things are.
@uniqueorn (1011)
• Philippines
18 Mar 10
This is a great test of you as a mom. Well, I should say that you should not blame yourself first and foremost because basing on the things I have read here, you could have given more than just being what a mom should do. You have done your part and it is endless, I know. What you should do is just to make the best out of the situation. Maybe, your son totally misunderstood your thoughts. You know, it is quite normal to have misunderstandings between parents - children. The best thing to have this case settled would be a help from a mom too who has same situation. Two heads are better than one, you know. Maybe your friends who are parents now, or your parents, could help you solve this one.
@DCMerkle (1281)
• United States
18 Mar 10
uniqueorn,
At the end of all this, we agreed to disagree and try to move on. He's stubborn and will never admit that he misunderstood and I'm not going to make him change that about himself. I've tried and that's another whole story...lol. I think that deep down he understood, but will never say so.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Mar 10
Well to put it pretty briefly, I'd say he's being a big baby, you did nothing wrong, you have nothing to feel guilty about. He's blaming you when he should look in the mirror to see who is responsible for that call not being made.
