How difficult and hurting online relationships can be?
By charmingmind
@charmingmind (12)
Philippines
March 18, 2010 4:49am CST
I remember that I wasn't looking for a relationship online, but it came to me unexpectedly. Chat is my only outlet for diversion and also to get to know people of various culture, countries and races. As I remembered, I am too afraid to be inlove but I ended up feeling it again. I so thought it is real and pure, so, I said to myself, "This is really is it!". But right now that everything is falling apart, I can say that relationships online are not reliable after all. Sometimes, communication didn't get through both ways. There are so many factors that affect each other's understandings. First and foremost is the language. We spoke different languages. Although we used English as an International Language, some of its words imply different meanings to other countries. Second is the ability of the person to communicate. There are people who are good conversationalist. Some are unlucky because they don't have the ability to converse well and let themselves be understood. Third is the person's emotional and physical state. Good conversation will not happen if one of both persons suffers from stress, physically or emotionally. The last one that I am going to cite (eventhough there are still a lot of it and this is just based upon my experience) is the communication medium. I guess it's better to use reliable communication medium (but I can't point out which one is) because some instant messenger didn't deliver messages to the other end, causing both parties to worry about each other's lack of communication. These are the reasons why my first relationship online failed, though I also have to consider our personality and cultural differences.
It happened to me, did it happen to you?
5 responses
@titaniumpen (676)
• Hong Kong
18 Mar 10
I try not to trust online relationships, though there are miracles too. I've heard in the news that somebody got her entire funding for university from an online friend. In the end, the online friend proposed marriage but was refused. I'm not saying that it's cheating, but strange things do happen in the web.
One thing you should take note of is that in online chats, you get the time to think of an ideal response, whereas in a normal daily conversation, you reply right away. So words in chats can be skillfully crafted. That's probably why most people in the web seem so "friendly". Moreover, you can't understand your conversational partner's state of emotion, personalities...
I don't oppose online chat, as long as you don't talk about important stuff (I've got a few gaming friends).
@charmingmind (12)
• Philippines
18 Mar 10
You have a point there titaniumpen.. We can always rethink what we're suppose to say in chats that's why we tend to hide our real nature. But recently, I don't usually engaged in chatting but videocalling... It seems like a real coversation too because some messenger offered real-time conversations. It's fun and somewhat reliable. And whenever they add you to their real networking accounts like FB, you'll know that they are real people because you can earn access to their friends... As I said on the first part of my post, I wasn't really expecting it, it just happened...
@titaniumpen (676)
• Hong Kong
18 Mar 10
Video conversations, in my opinion, are better. Though it's somewhat disconcerting to let others see your face and your home...I hope you'll meet some good friends.
@charmingmind (12)
• Philippines
18 Mar 10
I already did and in fact I have lots of online friends.. I'm even chatting some of them for years but I find no attractions so they remained as friends lol...
@umit_umit (1984)
• India
18 Mar 10
really,very perfect anyalasis dear,I think that we should look forward to for the person of our types may be of another country but language both should be knowing!rest I agree with you!
@charmingmind (12)
• Philippines
19 Mar 10
Thank you so much Umit... Language barrier is really one of the important factor in online relationship.
@vandana7 (101038)
• India
18 Mar 10
Hi Charmingmind, I am rather new to online friendships. :) Just about 8 months may be. :) I am also mature enough to know that there are several aspects of my personality that cant be seen at the other end, what annoys me, how I react under certain circumstances, and so on, though I have tried to be as honest about me as possible. Likewise, there may be somethings about the other person that I wouldnt know. Something unpleasant. Personally, I would like all bad to be told at the outset so that there are no expectations either way. But that rarely happens, doesn't it? :) So any relationship, be it online or real life, has some hidden aspects. It is up to you to discover it before because the person who is hiding it will definitely go to great lengths to hide it. :)
@charmingmind (12)
• Philippines
19 Mar 10
You're right Vandana, you will just escalate the problem if you hide it because sooner or later, truth will come out. As for me, I never lied or hide myself online because I can't see the point why I have to... Well, it's their problem if they lied or if they fool me... As long as I am being true to myself and to them, I am free of worries.
@cloud31 (5808)
•
18 Mar 10
This is usually happen when two people fall in love, whether on line or in person.,You can expect things would go smoothly between you and her,you can actually decide to have it work successfully with your relationship if both are willing to your part.No matter how distance would be you try to make things works in your relationship.Nowadays there are online relationship consider as most likely to be in person.The only matter would be the presence of you.I believe on line relationship not much difference as in person.And I believe that online relationship would be as normal if both are responsible to make it fruitful..In actual relationship there are some worst things/events happened though even how we prevent,No one can predict the situation all you can do is to know how to handle yourself and your relationship.
Happy myLotting!
@charmingmind (12)
• Philippines
18 Mar 10
Yeah I agree with you, its just a matter of compromising things and meeting halfway in short... Honestly, I like online relationships better than in person especially that I am still in the point of my life wherein I still have to do a lot of things... I think it's safer and temptation is thousands of miles away... It maybe funny to some but for me, it's not... Well, maybe after getting on with my life and finishing another degree, that's the time for me to get ready with local relationships.
@1Mdollarmom (207)
• Philippines
19 Mar 10
On line chatting is supposed to be for friendship, not for anything deeper than that. The very first time I tried chatting was a total mess. The other person was not in a good mood at that time, which he admitted to me. He misunderstood what I said to the point of accusing me that I was assaulting him professionally. Well, I was sorry for that and it did stressed me. What I thought to be a beginning of a beautiful friendship turned out to be a mess. While he asked for forgiveness after that, I just felt that I don't want him to be my friend anymore.
