Are you shy to collect money from your indebted friend?
By gambamarcela
@gambamarcela (1012)
Philippines
March 21, 2010 10:27am CST
If a good friend of yours borrowed money from you, do you feel shy to collect it? I am just curious of your answers mylotters. In my experience, I have a friend who has lent our common friend money for some school stuffs. But my friend feels shy to collect it since they are also good friends. She doesn't want to feel like she's procrastinating our common friend. Although she needed the money but she doesn't know how to approach her. It has been a year already since our common friend borrowed the money. How about you guys, do you also feel shy about it? and how would you advise my friend for this matter?
8 people like this
41 responses
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
21 Mar 10
I find it very difficult to get money back from people at the best of times. I have lent money to a lot of people in the past, and I never get it back again.
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
I could sense that you are so generous. And you're really blessed with money. Don't stop helping people.Can i borrow too?LOL.
1 person likes this
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
I could sense that you are so generous. And you're really blessed with money. Don't stop helping people.Can i borrow too?LOL.
1 person likes this
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
I could sense that you are so generous. And you're really blessed with money. Don't stop helping people.Can i borrow too?LOL.
1 person likes this
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Well, if I really need the money then that's the time I remind my friends or whoever owes me to pay up. I just have to explain properly, that I too am in need. I am also considerate, so I don't just force them to pay seeing that they are still unable to.
1 person likes this
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
I am actually experiencing a similar problem right now. I badly need the money for a special occasion this coming week and asked a friend who owes me for the cash, he says he hasn't got it yet so I just feel disappointed but it can't be helped. I'll just have to look for another means and hope for something good to come up.
LOL! I do believe though that some of the best things in life are free.
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Yeah you're right there choybel. But, sometimes it feels so disappointing when a friend doesn't pay you at the time you needed it most. Oh money money. If everything in this world is for free.LOL.
1 person likes this
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
21 Mar 10
See, that's just wrong! I would be on both sides of the spectrum. I would tell your friend that the best thing to do is to ask the other one about it. They may have forgotten. (probably didn't but could have) But then when it is me, I wouldn't go ask for the money either. I would consider it a gift and place more value on the friendship. Then I would not loan them any more money. I might give them some but not a loan. That way I would not have to worry about it any more!
1 person likes this
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
So, if you would experience this one, you will do the same?hehe. But, at least you will only lend her once in case the money is not returned.Thanks for the advice.
1 person likes this
@homeshoppers (6166)
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
its not that i am shy as its my money, if theres someone to feel that maybe the person who borrowed money from me as they know i also need money and that i was just kind enough to let them borrow some from me. its there responsibility to pay or their friendship will be ruined for just money. if i borrowed something i always make sure to returned it to the date that i promised so she will nto lost her trust on our friendship unless she can still see that im still in need of it and she will be the one to tell me to just go ahead and use it first and just pay her once everything is ok already.
1 person likes this
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Will it really ruin the friendship if the borrowed money is not returned? Anyway, this friend of mine is really shy to open up money matter. And it seems like our common friend has totally forgotten about it.
1 person likes this
@missliss08 (766)
• United States
21 Mar 10
To me if you are going to loan money to a friend, than you might want to just consider it a gift. Unless you are willing to lose a friendship, or put undue stress on yourself, you just shouldn't do it. I don't lend money to friends, at least not in large amounts. If I did lend large amounts, I would not have any problem asking for it back, and honestly a contract agreement should be written up for large amounts of money lent.
1 person likes this
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
22 Mar 10
It's really stressful when you think about the money your friend has borrowed. It's hard to forget money, really.
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
I concur! mixing money matters to friendship can complicate one's relationship. Money can ruin anything.sigh.
happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
23 Mar 10
Your friend shouldn't have to ask for the return of the loan, she should have paid her back when she said she would.
This is one of the reasons I don't like lending money to friends, because it becomes an issue of negativity if they don't pay you back when they said they would.
A year? When was she supposed to pay her back?
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
13 Apr 10
I have always lived by the motto, "The squeaky wheel gets the grease". That means that the 'friend' who owes the money, should not be allowed to forget about it. So, they need to be reminded that you are not pleased with the lack of payment.
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
The sad thing was that, that indebted friend hasn't mentioned about when she's going to pay her back. Well, my friend is still finding for a good timing since that indebted friend seemed to forget about it.
Happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@tjades (3591)
• Jamaica
9 Apr 10
I hate dealing with such money matters. I do not like to owe anyone and try my best to pay up my debts as early as possible. I do not like to have to ask or hound anyone for monies owed to me and definately do not want to have soneone I owe having to ask me for the repayment. For me it is just embarassing.
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
You have the same view with my older brother. He really has to make it sure that he'd return the borrowed money as soon as possible. he would feel embarrassed if he'd procrastinate the payment.
happy mylotting!
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
22 Mar 10
I am also very shy to collect back borrowed money actually. I don't know why. Whenever I lend some money I just wait till the borrower pays back voluntarily. I never ever demand for the payment. I don't know why I am like this. I understand your friend because I am also like her.
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
14 Apr 10
Well actually I believe a debtor could really forget for sometime but sooner or later he will remember it and in good faith will pay his debt as soon as he does. A debtor who never pays at all is certainly doing it intentionally. Well it is his loss not mine I believe. He loses his honor and dignity and he will never be able to borrow from me again. The unpaid debt will not in anyway make me poorer just as the debtor will not get rich by not paying at all. He did not only sin against me for dealing falsely but to God for He violates God's commandment for doing so and it must always be remembered that every sin is not left unpunished. See God's Word below:
***
[i]Psalm 37:21: The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous sheweth mercy, and giveth.
Romans 13:7-8 - Render therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honour to whom honour. Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.
Leviticus 19:11 - Ye shall not steal, neither deal falsely, neither lie one to another.
Ecclesiastes 5:5 - Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.[/i]
See God's Word below:
***
[i]Psalm 37:21: The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous sheweth mercy, and giveth.
Romans 13:7-8 - Render therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honour to whom honour. Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.
Leviticus 19:11 - Ye shall not steal, neither deal falsely, neither lie one to another.
Ecclesiastes 5:5 - Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.[/i]@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
What if she totally forgot about it? Would you still wait or just forget about the debt? Won't you be bothered whenever you meeet up with her?LOL.Thanks for sharing salonga!
Happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
23 Mar 10
A small amount of money, I would forget, but I would not be shy to request re payment of a large amount.
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
HAHA!. You are assertive then bellis. Well, that's better than being shy. Thanks for responding.
Happy mylotting!
@gracefuldove (1668)
• Malaysia
22 Mar 10
well gambamarcela, there is nothing to be shy about. its a loan to a friend and should be collected back in due time. the mode of repayments depends on what both agree, be it in installments etc. its better to discuss than to delay. if its a one off and not a loan, then inform the other party in the first place. if its a one off and no need to repay, then say so. this is to avoid unpleasantness in friendship as frienship takes time to cultivate and nurture. a loan is a loan and a grant is a grant. have to be clear on the basis to avoid straining relationship. these are my thoughts. thanks and have a good day.
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
22 Mar 10
But, they have not agreed on the modes of payment. But, if you'd be like that, I think your indebted friend think that you're not considering the friendship. Friends are special to us, and if we always nag at them, we may lose them.
@gracefuldove (1668)
• Malaysia
22 Mar 10
well gam, its always good to state the fact right from the beginning. like the schedule of repayment or the flexi payment scheme . its always worth the effort to be honest right from the very beginning and see to it how to be settled. if left too long, its difficult to ask back. then it becomes a bad debt and you are not happy.in the end, both parties are not happy and we dont want to be like this. a meaningful relationship in friendship is where there is no borrowing. which is the best policy. in real life its not like that, so we have to talk things out before a loan is made out. this is my thoughts and i hope my friends dont borrow from me.
@Ladyslipper (1327)
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Hi Gambamarcela,
Good day!
I'm afraid I might not be able to give a good advice as I my self is like your friend. Until now I still have two friends who owe me money but I'm shy to even ask them when they will pay for it. One of my friends borrowed the money from me about almost three years ago and the other one was about 4 years ago. We still communicate but I have not mentioned even once to them the money that they borrowed to me.
That's one of the reasons I'm now hesitant to lend cash to other people especially if we are not really that close. I'm a type of person whom you can easily borrow money even if we are not really close friends. A lot of people have borrowed money from me without paying for it. It's not really a big deal as those amounts are not really big. However, the cash borrowed by my two close friends are really big. I guess I have to just let it go. If they have intention of paying for it then they should have done it a long time ago. Tax Refund, Sick Leave Conversion and Bonuses have passed but still what they owe me remains unpaid. Maybe they already fogot about it.
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
22 Mar 10
Oh I'm sorry to hear that my friend. And I really do believe that you're a good and generous person. Don't worry, you will be blessed more for the charity you've done. 4 years is too long and with a very big amount. Would you always remember the borrowed money everytime you see them?
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
I really hate it when they are the ones who get upset for reminding them of their debt. The nerve! You should never ever let him money.Report him to the cops.LOL.
@Ladyslipper (1327)
• Philippines
26 Mar 10
It does not matter anymore to me unless they would be borrowing from me again. I'm shocked that there are people like that. They borrow money from you and do not pay and then would borrow some again. It has happened to me a lot of times and my reaction was huh? You still owe me.
I have one acquaintance (not really friend) who had the guts to be upset at me because I reminded him of the money he owes me. He was borrowing some cash again. It's not that big. Just enough money for his two days allowance. I was still a College student then. He asked me if I can lend him cash. I told him it's okay but he still has not paid the previous one he borrowed from me. He got upset and told me not to bother and he would just borrow from someone else. I felt bad but I think it's not right to lend him some cash again since he has not even paid me yet. Besides, he just spend his allowance on parties and night out.
@lindsiko (355)
• United States
23 Mar 10
I am really shy when it comes to reminding people that they owe me money. Most of the time it has been really small amounts, so I haven't done much to try and get it back. If your friend needs the money, they should just ask. Sometimes people just need to be reminded of their debt.
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
Indeed! That indebted friend must've really forgotten about it.
Happy mylotting!
@phoenix8606 (4942)
•
21 Mar 10
hell0! of course I am :)i think there not many people who aren't shy to do that! well, I don't lend money to my friends very often, just because they don't borrow any, but when it happens and they forget to give it to me back soon, i am really forced to collect them by myself, because we don't talk about some petty cash here :)
it is really embarrassing but it is the only way to have it back on time!
1 person likes this
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Indeed, it's embarrassing, but it's the only way we could get it back.Thanks for sharing phoenix.
1 person likes this
@jd107nette (1454)
• Philippines
22 Mar 10
your friend is not alone.. hahaha...
sometimes it's really troublesome to collect stuffs or MONEY from a friend... hahaha.. but i have this best friend of mine who i consider to be like my sister...i tell her everything and it doesn't matter if i actually tell her that i need the money for somethign.. hahaha
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
Well, in that case, you'll somehow be oblivious about the debt since you're treating her already as a sister.hekhek.
Happy mylotting!
@craftyhomebody (443)
• United States
22 Mar 10
yes i am very shy i lent a co-worker money to get her
credit straight out. she wanted to try a buy a house well
while the credit was getting straighten out her car blows
up so now she has to find away to buy a car so i told her it
was ok to skip me for a couple months well it has been 6 months
and she has a new car and is telling she is getting into a house
and i finally said to her have you for gotten that you owe me $700
dollars and she no but you said wait a couple of months so i finally told
her that i needed a payment so she gave me a check for $60.00
i put it in the bank and it bounced like a rubber ball.i am not
very happy with her at all.
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
That was really mean of her: giving you a check that bounced. Curse her. LOL. Why won't you sue her? 700$ is big enough. There should be a legal negotiation to give her a time allotment to pay the debt.
@warvial (1146)
• Singapore
22 Mar 10
I am not, but sometimes, yes. Thus I would find some ways to indirectly hint my friend that they still own me money.
I have a friend who also doesn't know how to get his stuffs back from others and thus, I will always tell him not to be shy because it's his stuffs afterall. There's no need to be shy about especially it's been a long time since he loaned it to others.
Don't you feel that you just want to represent him/her to request for the stuffs back especially when they are so indecisive in not wanting to cause bad impression but wanting to get back what's theirs...
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
Oh. I can't represent my friend to my common friend. It would be more shameful for my part since I'm not the one who's indebted. But, I can just lead them to that discussion.LOL.Thanks for the bright idea. I might use it.
Happy mylotting!
@arreolabryan (856)
• Philippines
22 Mar 10
I never collect my friends dept. When I give dept to a friend it is like giving the money. If he/she wants to pay i will be glad to receive and if not I won't mind at all.
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
You are such a kind-hearted person. Can I also borrow from you? LOL. just kidding. Thanks for that good answer.
happy mylotting!
@emelcindy (60)
•
22 Mar 10
Hi,
Yes, I will feel shy. I know it is not the shy thing, but I don't feel good when I see my good friend. I still remember that I prepared what I needed to say for my friend before meeting, but I spoke nothing to him at last. My heart was shaked, just like I made a big big mistakes. Sincerely I hope my good friend have the good life.
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
Oh, your prepared speech has gone to waste at the time you were about to confront him.LOL.Thanks for sharing your experience emelcindy.
Happy mylotting!
@vielerfolg2010 (30)
• China
22 Mar 10
Yes, I feel shy to do this. One of my friends borrowed money from me because she wanted to travel but was lack of money. When she traveled to the place I work at, I spent all the tickets, travelling fees, and lent her extra money. After she went back, this thing just like never happened. I asked her once by messege, but nothing feedback. It has been two years, I have gaven up the idea of collecting the money back, I only console myself that she is still a student in collage, and I have worked for years, so it's Ok if she doesn't have enough money. Sometime, the friendship and some help are more useful than money.
@gambamarcela (1012)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
I'm amazed at how far you've gone on helping your friend financially. Travelling fees are quite expensive. At least you've thought of ways that could somehow forget about the odd feelings of not having paid back.
happy mylotting!
