What An Eccentric Family I Belong To!
By Janey1966
@Janey1966 (24170)
Carlisle, England
March 23, 2010 8:51pm CST
I swear (on my cat's life) that what I am about to tell you is true. One thing we don't do in our family is tell lies.
Anyway, I had the obligatory telephone call to my Mum earlier and she went on about the usual things; work, my Dad, my brother and her grandson, Tom.
Now, my Dad is 9 years older than Mum and is now 73 years old. He sleeps in the bigger bedroom and Mum has one of the smaller ones as she gets up extremely early for work and it's been that way for many years...sleeping in seperate rooms.
Well, because my Dad can't be bothered getting up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet downstairs for a wee...he leaves it until he actually gets up in the morning. More often than not he will have "accidents" for this very reason and as he's quite a clean guy he felt that he should do something about it. He found that weeing himself on the way down the stairs wasn't the way to go.
Now, normal people would install a saniflo loo in the bedroom or even an en-suite. Oh, no, not my folks! What is my Dad's solution? A milk bottle! I don't know if it's a plastic or a glass milk bottle but I'm assuming it's the former as that is what is sold in the shops nowadays. The mind boggles doesn't it?
Anyway, my Dad (once he has done the biz) washes said bottle in the bathroom and leaves it there for when he goes to bed. Mum wasn't happy about this and told me so when I rang her on Sunday. So, a few hours ago she confronted him about it and said that she wants the bottle to remain (once washed) permanently upstairs so she doesn't have to look at it.
Apparently, my Dad told Mum that he "won't be using it in future and will have to look for something else as an alternative."
Mum asked him why...and you won't believe this but I swear it's true..
He replied, "I got my w*lly stuck in the top of the milk bottle and panicked as I thought I wouldn't be able to get it back out again!"
I'm convinced he wasn't doing anything untoward as he isn't that kind of guy...but can you imagine if he'd have to ring the fire brigade up? How would he explain his appendage being stuck in the top of a milk bottle like that?
Thank God he managed to get it out!
Are your parents as eccentric and daft as mine? Oh, I do hope so!
Apparently, my Dad told Mum that he "won't be using it in future and will have to look for something else as an alternative."
Mum asked him why...and you won't believe this but I swear it's true..
He replied, "I got my w*lly stuck in the top of the milk bottle and panicked as I thought I wouldn't be able to get it back out again!"
I'm convinced he wasn't doing anything untoward as he isn't that kind of guy...but can you imagine if he'd have to ring the fire brigade up? How would he explain his appendage being stuck in the top of a milk bottle like that?
Thank God he managed to get it out!
Are your parents as eccentric and daft as mine? Oh, I do hope so!2 people like this
18 responses
@Ynniv7 (1)
• Brazil
24 Mar 10
Thats quite a fun story...
Something like that happened with a friend of mine, the difference is that he had to go to the hospital so they could get his thing out of the bottle..
That was fun..
I remember him telling me that and his mom was close, she loughed and he got kind of awkward....
Thanks
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
24 Mar 10
Welcome to MyLot! Oh dear, that was embarrassing for your friend wasn't it although the mother sounds rather understanding, which helps!
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Mar 10
That's hilarious. I thought my dad was crazy, but that beats all. Reminds me of an episode of Grey's Anatomy where a couple got stuck together because of his piercing, which was especially embarrassing since they were divorced and supposedly hated each other. Yikes, the children were not too understanding.
Anyway, my Dad's done some crazy things, but always deliberately to get a laugh!
1 person likes this
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
24 Mar 10
Well, that's the difference between your Dad and mine...mine was really rather serious with his bottle and it all went pear-shaped, bless 'im!
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
24 Mar 10
That is funny, but when you said milk bottle, that was my first thought. That would be an embarrassing thing to have to go to the hospital for. I am glad he was able to take care of it. Thanks for the laugh.
1 person likes this
@derek_a (10873)
•
24 Mar 10
Well, all I can say is that we get older we start to get somewhate eccentric. I am thinking and hoping that I won't get quite so eccentric as that, but there's no knowing what I may do! 
Thanks for making me smile on this cloudy day. I won't quite be able to look at milk bottles in quite the same way again! _Derek
Thanks for making me smile on this cloudy day. I won't quite be able to look at milk bottles in quite the same way again! _Derek1 person likes this
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
24 Mar 10
Yes, I know what you mean! I'm dreading hearing what "Plan B" might be like. I do know that one can buy a device that can be used in the back of cars but where on earth he could get one from is another matter. Can you imagine going into a shop and asking for a p*ss bottle, how embarrassing!!
1 person likes this
@RawBill1 (8531)
• Gold Coast, Australia
24 Mar 10
That is an absolutely hilarious story!
What a classic. You certainly do have a funny family. Never boring I bet!
My family are pretty boring compared to that. Nothing funny to tell here.
I do have a friend who I go camping with at archery competitions every few months and I seem to always need to go to the toilet in the middle of the night when camping. As tent zippers tend to sound really loud in the middle of the night, he heard me get out of bed for a midnight pee the last time we were camping. His tent was next to mine.
The next morning, he said to me, "Why don't you do what I do and go in a bottle?" He said that he keeps a one litre milk bottle in his tent every time he goes camping for that very reason. He just empties it out in the morning into the grass!
I think I would rather get up just in case I miss in the dark, or knock it over!
What a classic. You certainly do have a funny family. Never boring I bet!
My family are pretty boring compared to that. Nothing funny to tell here.
I do have a friend who I go camping with at archery competitions every few months and I seem to always need to go to the toilet in the middle of the night when camping. As tent zippers tend to sound really loud in the middle of the night, he heard me get out of bed for a midnight pee the last time we were camping. His tent was next to mine.
The next morning, he said to me, "Why don't you do what I do and go in a bottle?" He said that he keeps a one litre milk bottle in his tent every time he goes camping for that very reason. He just empties it out in the morning into the grass!
I think I would rather get up just in case I miss in the dark, or knock it over!@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
24 Mar 10
Yes, I can imagine those tent zips being rather loud, especially in the middle of the night. You would think the manufacturers would invent a zip-hole or something in the tent so you could pop it through in order to relieve yourself. Not so sure what someone passing would think of that, however. Haha!
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
24 Mar 10
Hello there Profit_now, welcome aboard! Luckily, Mum and Dad don't use computers so there's no way they will see this site, fortunately. Mind you, I'm so honest, I'm bound to tell Mum about it the next time I ring her up. She will say something like, "Oooh, no, Jane, you haven't!" then will burst out laughing (we never take ourselves too seriously)lol.
@Profit_now (4)
• Canada
24 Mar 10
W...O...W! Janey can you imagine..I just stumbled upon this site and consequently your parents story. Yes my first introduction to Mylot and I'm really wondering what I'm into. It was good for a laugh but I hope and pray that your dad doesn't stumble upon this as well. )
@epsjoice (57)
• United States
24 Mar 10
Hi Janey,
I had tried to post a response to this and I got bumped out of mylot somehow after I typed it up. It happened to me twice yesterday. At any rate, I had said that this wasn't so uncommon. My Grandparents (both deceased now) had owned a small farm in Kentucky. They had an outhouse for many, many years. They would have a pail that they used for this purpose in the bedroom at night. I'll be there are still plenty of farms in rural areas still like this today! The outhouse gave me nightmares when I was a kid. The latch on the outside would sometimes slip down and lock you in the outhouse! I hated it.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
24 Mar 10
Welcome to MyLot my friend! I know what you mean about locks. I was at a railway station when I was little and locked myself in a cubicle. I screamed to be rescued and, fortunately, I was! I've been nervous about locks ever since!
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
24 Mar 10
I dread to think what will happen next lol. I love 'em to bits, they provide so much "entertainment!" Haha!
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
29 Mar 10
I will ask Mum over Easter when I visit what Dad's plan of action is. I don't want to ask him; he'll be too embarrassed!
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
27 Mar 10
LOL! oh the poor guy.
we got my dad one of those chemical toilets originally when he was ill-like the kind they have for camping? seemed to be ok for him.
we got my dad one of those chemical toilets originally when he was ill-like the kind they have for camping? seemed to be ok for him.@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
6 Apr 10
a waiting list for a hip?
eek.you'd think they'd bump someone 73 to the front of the list.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
12 Apr 10
You are quite right, at aged 73 one would think that my Dad should be placed at the top of the list for a new hip but, unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. The elderly (especially those with little money) are treated badly in this country. If I had any extra money of my own I would gladly pay (privately) for his operation, I really would. Sad thing is, NHS surgeons do the private ops on the sly which is a sorry state of affairs in my opinion!
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
29 Mar 10
I know, bless 'im. Many bathrooms are upstairs in the UK (including ours) but my Mum and Dad never moved their upstairs. Dad probably wished he had now! If his legs weren't so dodgy he could make it down the stairs with no problem at all but he keeps being "fobbed off" by his silly doctor and is on a waiting list for a new hip that he won't get until he's 80! Currently, he is 73! Crazy isn't it?
1 person likes this
@autumndreamer (3185)
• Philippines
29 Mar 10
LOL. haha. That's hilarious. I don't think my family's like that, but I think my father is. LOL. You're dad is funny.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
29 Mar 10
Both my parents are funny...it's usually my Mum actually but in this case it's Dad that has excelled himself!
@thebeaddoodler (4262)
• Lubbock, Texas
24 Mar 10
They make special bottles for that y'know. The necks are big enough I don't think anybody's w*lly would get stuck in it.
Both my parents are gone and neither of them were all that eccentric (thank goodness!)@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
24 Mar 10
Yes, I have heard of them...but where on earth do you buy one from?
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
24 Mar 10
That isn't much of a problem. If it does get stuck (God forbid), he could always, swing the bottle along with his Tweedledee towards a sturdy wall and smash the bottle! There! Freedom! Oooh just kidding.
What's strange about my family is how we don't seem to tell each other anything honest! Sigh, lately, it all seems like everyone's got a secret to keep.
Oooh just kidding.
What's strange about my family is how we don't seem to tell each other anything honest! Sigh, lately, it all seems like everyone's got a secret to keep.@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
25 Mar 10
My father is a very secretive person. I also tend to just hide my feelings so as not to cause any arguments or conflicts at home. Obviously there's something wrong with our lines of communication. Very choppy.
I want my own family to be very open, where we can say our feelings openly. As early as now, I'm encouraging my younger brother to be open to me. I grew up having to hide my feelings, from my first crushes, to feelings of rage or disapproval towards opinions or decisions of my elders. Lovelife was a mortal sin, and disagreeing was rebellion.
I want my own family to be very open, where we can say our feelings openly. As early as now, I'm encouraging my younger brother to be open to me. I grew up having to hide my feelings, from my first crushes, to feelings of rage or disapproval towards opinions or decisions of my elders. Lovelife was a mortal sin, and disagreeing was rebellion.@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
24 Mar 10
That's a shame about your secretive family. Mine is entirely the opposite! Because both my Dad and Mum have had tough upbringings (with secrecy amongst their own parents) they have decided not to be like that, so I am very fortunate that they can be open and honest about virtually anything...and I've inherited those traits too.
@Sandra1952 (6047)
• Spain
24 Mar 10
Hello, Janey. What a lovely story! Unfortunately, I lost both my parents a long time ago, but I'm sure if they'd lived they'd have been just as eccentric as yours, because they were full of fun.
My husband has done the 'milk bottle' thing. We have an en suite in our apartment, so that's not a problem, but when we used to drive back to the UK in our old camper, which didn't have a bathroom, he kept a milk bottle in the front of the cab for emergencies. His appendage must be slimmer than your dad's, as he never got it stuck. Tell your dad to try an orange juice bottle - the top is slightly wider. Thanks for giving me a laugh.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
24 Mar 10
You're welcome Sandra! Oh, it must be hard for you wondering what your parents would be like if they'd lived longer. Both my parents have no living parents of their own...the last one (Nana,on Mum's side) was the last one to die way back in 1982, so they've gone without parents for such a long time.
I'd be too embarrassed about mentioning an orange juice bottle...I don't want to give him ideas haha!
@atv818 (1980)
• United Arab Emirates
24 Mar 10
You story had put a smile on my face. Your family is very interesting. My grandparents sleep in separate beds but not bedroom because one would stir so often while asleep that it bothers the other. I guess all families have situations that makes the unique especially the way things are being handled.
Congratulations! I'm happy to hear that your parents are alive and kicking. I do hope my parents get to live long life as well. Cherish and love your parents all the time. Take care!
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
25 Mar 10
Awww thank you so much for your kind comments, they are much appreciated. Yes, I do value my parents very much. In fact, my Dad wants to splash out on a meal for both me, my hubby, himself and my Mum over Easter. He's full of surprises!
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
24 Mar 10
Hi Janey,
OMG!!! but oh! thanks for giving a good laugh, I couldn't stop laughing, I thinks that is so funny, yes imagine it, if the Fire sees it, well things like that don't normall happen, my parents have both passed but they had a house with a bath/toilet next the bedrooms and there was one downstaires so there weren't any problems with that.
Tamara
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
24 Mar 10
I'm glad I made you laugh although my Dad wasn't laughing at the time. He was probably terrified that he wouldn't be able to get the thing off! I've no idea what Plan B will be but no doubt Mum will tell me the next time I ring her up!
He was probably terrified that he wouldn't be able to get the thing off! I've no idea what Plan B will be but no doubt Mum will tell me the next time I ring her up!
@sulsisels (1685)
• United States
24 Mar 10
Janey..I certainly don't want to embaress you, afterall this is your Dad and I do not mean any disrespect what so ever, but I think your Mum may be missing out on something sleeping in a different room...Think about it, the top of a milk bottle is rather wide aross,,,God Bless the English!!!
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
24 Mar 10
My Dad's excuse was that it swelled up with not having a pee when he should, not that I am an expert in bodily functions.
@dependent (131)
• China
24 Mar 10
ah~when i come across ur passage i feel it is funny enough to put it on the onion webiste,anyone get stuck in the bottle when u pee?hahahhahhahhahhah, i remind when i was 7 year old in the class, i feel i wanna pee,but teachers forbideen us to go to toilet, so i get the most fooilish idea as the same as ur father,but the situation is totally different. when i do this ,the didiididdi sounds make the whole class strange then soon come to the blast of laughing^_^ lol~
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
24 Mar 10
He doesn't even know that I know so it's highly unlikely he's gonna confide in me lol. I only hope he manages to get some sort of replacement. There was a potty in the bedroom years ago, it might be an idea to buy another one!
