I have a man problem

Obviously, I feel for you in this situation. I hate to Dr. Phil you, but maybe this means there's something you need to look into about your current relationship. The grass isn't always greener--we tend to remember the good stuff about exes and think we'd be happier in the past, had we made different choices. But you are married and think about how much this would hurt your husband who you loved enough to marry. You might set yourself up for more hurt by contacting this guy. Hope things work out for you.

Well I guess 20 years is a very long time you've victimized yourself. I think leaving this chance left open that long is already a torture for you. Of course you've made your choice when you decided to marry someone but you've paid the heavy price of choosing someone you really do not have the heart. Choices are your responsibility and when you choose to be in your current life, you should be able to stand by it or quit it to end things that are not working for you. You failed to have a proper closure before and that seems to be one of the hardest things you have to face right now. I guess right now you just have to weigh things which is of value to you. Your life with your family or the life that was discontinued in the past. Would you rather live in the past than that with your current family?

The ironic part is, people that are a mess after a divorce, and get married, normally end up in another wrecked marriage. So you likely would have ended up divorced by him, after he wrecked your life as well. But that doesn't change how you feel at all, does it? You need serious serious help. If I were you, I'd run to a counselor. It may mean you need to tell your husband that you need help, and he might not like that, but you need to do it. If you don't, you might make a mistake that will ruin you for years to come. Worse yet, if this guy is married too, you might ruin his family as well. Then you'll have the guilt of screwing up both your lives. Bad plan. Danger. Run. Seek help. If you are in a church, talk to the pastor. Talk to someone. I can not say this without undue alarm. You are already speeding, and the car is swerving towards the guard rails of life. It's time to hit the breaks hon, before you go over the side.

i can feel in you that you had a bitterness with this man when you broke him up before. you say that you still want him. you feel that because before you never know that you really want him but you sent him away from you because of his kind of life. you have to forget this man because you are a married woman now. if your married life is full of happiness, think again will you leave that kind of life just to follow your minds desire. just think of the outcome of the decisions that you will make in your life.

I think one of the other posters is exactly right. I think you still think of him a lot because you two broke up on terms that were pretty much out of control. There was no real closure there. While my advice would be to stay with your husband (after maybe having a long sit down talk with him about your relationship), I can also say you should follow your heart. Basically I have no advice because I'd be torn too. Good luck!

This is one of the good way to share your pain inside. This thing happens to other people as well but this feeling was cause by a wrong decision that we can't change since it already happen. You have a point that if you gonna choose the guy then it will be all or nothing situation. I have a suggestion, what if that feeling of yours...transfer it to your current partners. I know its hard but i know you can do it, see other things that you love about your partner and stop thinking of a guy that should not be there in your mind. Because if you keep doing that it may destroy your life and you may end up having nothing. Treasure your family and trust God because if you and that guy that you always think of, is really meant to be then you dont know you two might end being together. Who knows? Good luck and hope that you can clear your mind and settle things.

i know what it is like not to be able to get someone out of your head. i am in that situation as we speak. it is all consuming when you love someone that much. our relationship is prgressing but not at the rate i would like it to. he is overly cautious and afraid to get hurt and i am ready for love and ready to be in a full fledged relationship so i am the one doing all the compromising for now but he is sooooo worth waiting for. he is wonderful to me and my son and i am going through a divorce so it is complicated and i guess it is good that he is the voice of reason since i am not. i think with my heart and not my head for sure.

you were just frustrated about it or about having him in your life,

If the guy was a mess 20 years ago, he might still be a mess. If he was coming out of a marriage that was falling apart, he might have been at fault. You never know. When you get married, it's supposed to be for life. I think too many people take the marriage vows for granted these days and that's so sad. If you have such a wonderful husband like you said you did in a previous discussion, I think you're better off to forget the guy you dated 20 years ago and concentrate on your husband and family. Kathy.

I think you're still into him because your mother force you to stay away from him so there's no negative reason that made you left him. You always think that there's still something to the both of you that should be continued. I think your husband lack the traits of a man that you already found with the one you truly love.

For me be serious about your self if your not to married then no commitment first because it can not focus your desire in life admiration is ok so that you have inspiration in life.

Friend dont take a step which will make you loose everything you have now!its only atemperory tyhought!and nothing else!what if you go to that guy and he ditch you then!or some mishappening accurs!which takes him away from you?then what you will do?then there will be no return!as you never know what will happen the very next moment of life!dont limit the life to one who is going to be over one day!and even ones shadow will not be seen!if i am rude then dont feel bad!but reality is what it is?