Breaking a Relationship Because of Honesty
By Daddy Neil
@neildc (17239)
Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
March 24, 2010 8:45pm CST
I guess there are more relationships broken because of dishonesty. Some marriage broken, because one of the partners had been dishonest and not so honest to tell the others his/her secrets. And when finally learned the truth by the other partner, the damage had been done and so the marriage had to be broken. No more chance of getting it back again. Friendships broken too, just like what happened to the marriage. And it's so hard to accept the fact that one cheated the other and it is so painful when they learned the truth.
[i]I remember my first sweetheart and my first break-up. Almost 25 years ago, I cried. Just because I was telling her everything. I was very honest to her. Because I loved her. I think until this time, she has a special part in my heart.
I am also feeling so sad these days too. I thinking I am losing a friend. Even how much I write to her, she has not replied. I am not sure if I have done something or have I wrote something to her that I feel she is now so far from us. Well, I am just being so honest.
[/i]
[b]But have you ever had an experience of losing a friend or a relationship for telling the truth.
Because you believe that honesty is the best policy?
Have you ever thought you might as well been dishonest to them, just to keep the relationship?
[/b]
Care to share yours? 
6 people like this
36 responses
@1hopefulman (45120)
• Canada
25 Mar 10
They say that the truth hurts and it hurt that relationship and you're still hurting. But would you want to build a relationship any other way? I don't believe one can build a solid relationship, one that will last, with lies.
I always try to be just who I am. and if i lost any relationship along the way. Then whatever I lost was not worth keeping.
1 person likes this
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 10
i have always been so honest with relationships, though it may be friendship or sweethearts. but then, it just saddens me to recall, that even if i never cheated them and always been so honest with them, they still choose to leave me.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 10
yeah, but it still hurts to recall the previous love where you almost gave all the best to keep it.
@1hopefulman (45120)
• Canada
25 Mar 10
Some will leave and some will stay, no matter what we do or don't do, it is just the way it is, it much depends on how much they love us. There's plenty of fish in the sea.
@celticeagle (166911)
• Boise, Idaho
25 Mar 10
Yes, honesty is a VERY important facet of ANY relationship. If you can't trust someone how can you form a lasting relationship? If trust is broken then you have nothing and this means respect as well. I also think that two people in any type relationship need to talk and get to know one another and have some experience with one another. Then you know if you have an honest person by you or not. If, on the other hand, you just jump into a relationship with vows and so forth and you haven't had this time then it is a shot in the dark as to whether the other person is honest and treats you with respect or not.
1 person likes this
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 10
but how could a relationship be broken for being honest of the facts that nothing to do with cheating? something like telling the truth of what should be good for them in the future but one party have to give away and have to leave?
here's the scenario:
the boy is studying far from the girl. and he keeps sending notes and everything to her. his father told him to concentrate in his studies before sweetheart. and he told her what his father had told him. but she asked him to do it and let go of her until he finish studies. that made the end of their relationship.
what can you say about this?
1 person likes this
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 10
for 25 years now, i have really got no answer to this one. they never saw again after the cool-off. i mean, we never see each other again. 
@celticeagle (166911)
• Boise, Idaho
25 Mar 10
I would think that perhaps the girl doesnt' want to have the wrath of the father come down on him so she feels that she will back away from him until his studies are over and done. Sad but perhaps she respect his work, and him, that much. Or, she is using it as an excuse.
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
25 Mar 10
Hi Neil,
Sometines you have to leave the past behind and look to the future with you wife and children, the past is best left alone, it ones partner's can't take the truth then its no matter what you tried to do you are not forgiven so let go and move on. Hugs.
Tamara
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 10
i have already moved on with the past relationship with my very first sweetheart. it's too far behind and a lot of things happened that i almost forgot about that. but it just so happened that one friend i have got now that seems going far from me now, though in reality, she is really far from me. i just can't think of things i might have done to seem to ignore my messages and it saddens me.
@amyson (3498)
• Philippines
25 Mar 10
i believe what is truth i play honesty in everything i do.if he play in the other ways its not my fault its just not my fault.we hate the person who are cheaters and i feel bad for them.just move on and everythings will be fine they cant control your life anyway.if he play dishonest with me better to end the relationship as early so that it won't feel so much pain.
1 person likes this
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 10
it could be said as easy as that, in my opinion. but if the feeling is great and it is already deep, it really hurts to lose one.
@happy2512 (1266)
• Philippines
25 Mar 10
Its no your fault being to honest to them if I were your sweetheart I will be very thankful because you are doing it. Loving someone is not only loving the food side of the person but also the worst side of him that if you are truly in love...
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 10
it could really not a fault of mine to tell her the truth. but i just can't accept the fact that we have to part ways. though i am already happy with my present relationship, i still hope that one day we could meet again and say hellos... so how about you, don't you have any experiences of losing a relationship with the reason of dishonesty? with a friend or a sweetheart?
1 person likes this
@farid123 (23)
• Indonesia
25 Mar 10
i've been keeping secrets from my girlfriend, and so when he know who i really was, the parents didn't agree because of my economic situation. se decide to leave me.
im very sad, honestly i really love her and she also love me too.
one time, i plan to take her away, but it's fail because of her friend avoid me.
im willing to be herself now.
1 person likes this
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 10
firstly, i would like to welcome you to mylot. i hope you will enjoy the site the way we, the old-time members do.
i can see in your profile that you are too young to be in a relationship. and to feel the same way i do, it really hurts to be left by a sweetheart. i think you still have a lot of time to concentrate in some things, more important in building a long time relationship, like marriage. plan better for a better future.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
25 Mar 10
I think we all experience this kind of dilemma at some point in our lives…where we feel if we should be honest and risk the consequences or should we just play along and try to keep everybody happy! I feel that dishonesty can help us in the short run, we might manage to keep the relation for the time being but it will never give us peace. Deep within our minds we will always fear the day when truth tumbles out from somebody’s else’s lips…I don’t think I can carry on with any relation with such constant fear in my mind. So even if truth is hard to accept, its better to come clean once and for all. And if the relation continues even after knowing everything, you’ll know that your relation has gained in strength too! Once you know the worse and come out of it, you are a stronger person. But if the relation breaks, then also you should be glad that you spoke the truth coz it has liberated you from another false relation. A person who cant accept your past and love you inspite of it, does not love you at all.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 10
very nice thought you have here my friend. i guess those past relationship really made me stronger. but there are such times that comes, you can never have the time to recall or remind yourself, hey, you've been there, you know what to do. sometimes, it just makes me afraid to make the best move to be honest, afraid to lose someone who already been a part of my life.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
25 Mar 10
Yes, I understand. I too have my secrets which I can never share with anybody…they will die with me. Even my husband and best friend of 15 years don’t know about them…I’ve never been able to bring them to my lips for fear of rejection or sarcasm or misunderstanding. Initially in our relation, I was very apprehensive and then as the relation progressed, I just kept my fingers crossed. Then we got married and now after so many years, I feel that whatever the past was for me, is no longer important so no need of digging graves! Even then, I know that I’ve not told him everything…even then I fear if ever he comes to know about the truth, then no matter what he says, I’ll fall in my own eyes for having hidden the truth.
You weigh your situation carefully and if you feel that whatever the past was is no longer important, then you can very well keep mum about it…only don’t lie straight on! That’s very hurting to the person whom you are lying to.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 10
that's right. no matter hard sweet or dark a secret is, there are really such consideration to keep it into our grave. me too, i have somethings kept more than my life time. or it will only be revealed in time.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 10
i too have the same thought, tell them no matter what. but if the relationship is too deep enough, it still hurts to lose one friend. how much more with a person you consider a brother or a sister?
@grecychunny26 (9483)
• Philippines
25 Mar 10
I lost a friend because she thought that I was not her bestfriend. A friend should tell if they see something wrong about their friends. Honestly is the best policy in any relationship we had. I was hurt because for the reason that I just did not allow her to be in a relationship that she will involve as a third party but what she did, she dumped me as a friend and continue what she planned coz that what makes her happy. I was hurt because I thought she will listen and believe my reason. I am just trying to be transparent with her. in later time as we don't have communication at all, I learned from our former classmate that she got pregnant and she is a single mother now. Actually I don't care at her at all. I just consume my energy trying to save her for having big problems but she turned me down and even make me believe I was wrong. If she is happy now with her situation like that, then that is her life. But me I never regret to help her, I done my part and we are already through.
@grecychunny26 (9483)
• Philippines
25 Mar 10
You are only suggesting and he saw something wrong on that. YOu did not lose but him. He lost a friend he can trust. I hope you give your friendship to the one who really deserve to have it.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 10
but sometimes, maybe most of the times, you cannot figure out that a friend will remain a friend forever. you only have to make the most of what you can to keep them. but sorry for them, for losing one.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 10
i am proud with what you have done with your former friend? 
and maybe, if i am on your shoe, i will also tell her the same. and actually, i have also experience like this. i was a common friend to a couple of sweethearts. when one time, the boy asked me opinion about whom he will choose among the two girls, i just told him to choose which one he thinks could give him a better life, since he was unemployed at that time. and so he chose to be with the the other girl who is not that close to me as a friend. and i don't know what went wrong with the girl who was not chosen, who came to be my best friend too. since then, she never talked to me like the way we were true friends. mine is just a suggestion and i was not against her, but all happened along the way. we never had chatted for a long time since then. so sad.
and maybe, if i am on your shoe, i will also tell her the same. and actually, i have also experience like this. i was a common friend to a couple of sweethearts. when one time, the boy asked me opinion about whom he will choose among the two girls, i just told him to choose which one he thinks could give him a better life, since he was unemployed at that time. and so he chose to be with the the other girl who is not that close to me as a friend. and i don't know what went wrong with the girl who was not chosen, who came to be my best friend too. since then, she never talked to me like the way we were true friends. mine is just a suggestion and i was not against her, but all happened along the way. we never had chatted for a long time since then. so sad. 
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
25 Mar 10
Hi, I think honesty is the only way to go & i wish everybody would be honest w/me. I think if u lose a friend over being honest w/them they weren't your friend to start with. I have never understood why people think they have to lie. They are going to get caught in that lie sooner or later. Happy thursday.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 10
@Letran are you being honest that you are not yet committed? LOL
@Antiquelady that is the reason i myself try most of the time to not tell a lie, because i know, for sure, sooner or later, the truth will come out. even if you will say, it is a long distance relationship or you have never met personally, like being friends only online.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
25 Mar 10
Thanks for your comment. If u don't have honestly in any kind of relationship u don't have anything worth keeping. Have a happy day.
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
25 Mar 10
i agree there lady, why bother being honest if the one you love is not honest in the first place. it's true that people are Blind when they are in love. despite of me being single and sad sometimes, i still feel lucky that i don't have a commitment to some one because i couldn't bare to move on like if the person leaves me for just being honest
1 person likes this
@mobhomeir (7558)
• Philippines
27 Mar 10
I am sorry about your sad experiencing for being honest my friend...I think the truth must always prevail..Like you I had already a lots of experienced about being honest (supposedly) with our partners.
I've tried it already for a lots of time but aside from appreciating you for doing this, big trouble instead happened.In my current situation it always does.
Honestly saying, I never tried it again to tell the truth from any situation that makes you honest to your partner.
Don't get me wrong my friend, honestly I never ever had an illicit affair that might ruin our marriage relationship.I mean here just sometimes a case where in it could touch the ego of my partner.
As what I had said, I would never anything to my partner that could make us in trouble. If ever she would know after a period of time from some other people at least I have already reason why I did that..to stay us away from trouble from non sense issue...
Thanks friend...
I hope I make myself understood..Stay cool and cheer up..
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
28 Mar 10
i also hope so, i am already old and i don't want to sacrifice the family with another failure.
@mobhomeir (7558)
• Philippines
28 Mar 10
Oh that's good my friend...I wish your relationship would last forever than a lifetime...keep it up...
Mobhomeir here...
@kaylachan (69646)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
15 Apr 10
the truth is painful but needs to be told regardless of someone's personal opinion. If you really want to do well you need to keep this in mind. The truth may hurt, and you may lose a lover or a friend over it, but you wouldn't be doing yourself or that other person any good by living a lie. And you aren't really "protecting" them by holding information back.
@carinaweng (47)
• China
25 Mar 10
hi neildc.that is so good topic,everyone may keep relations with people who they recognize form young or break relations with someone,people have different personality,some may like parter honestly to tell them truth for right to know,and think showing their hard relationship if each other tell truth,but for myself,i will choose honest and unhonest judging from people's personality.in some condition environment urge us to be unhonest ,some family will continue cause we do that,but some time person need to keep some lesson in their mind.so we should take a honest conversation .tks!
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
26 Mar 10
well, i guess so about personality. everyone has their own personality and traits and ways on how to deal with relationships. thanks for responding and welcome to mylot. 
@carinaweng (47)
• China
27 Mar 10
hi,tks for your response,from your writting,you feel regret to tell truth to your friend,but the most important thing to be a close friend is honest and candid to each other ,so don't feel sad,leaving so honest person is losing of her.
@shynepapin101 (1879)
• United Arab Emirates
28 Mar 10
I did feel so bad when i lost my ex-girlfriend
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
28 Mar 10
that exactly what happened to me with my first girlfriend almost 25 years ago.
@shynepapin101 (1879)
• United Arab Emirates
28 Mar 10
Just because i was honest,i don't like secrets
@anne25penn (3305)
• Philippines
26 Mar 10
I guess its human nature. There is a saying what you don't know won't hurt you. And sometimes people even deny the truth even if its in front of them because they want to continue living a lie that everything is okay. I have never lost any friends or relationships just because I have told the truth. Its always the other way around
. My friends know that I always speak my mind, thats why they approach me for advise as a last resort. I also hate it when my partner hides things from me. For me that is an indication that he doesn't trust me well enough that's why he is hiding the truth or something from me.
. My friends know that I always speak my mind, thats why they approach me for advise as a last resort. I also hate it when my partner hides things from me. For me that is an indication that he doesn't trust me well enough that's why he is hiding the truth or something from me.@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
26 Mar 10
so you are really one person to be trusted well and one who can always depend on for an advise? 
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
26 Mar 10
I agree with you. Trust is very significant in any relationship and once this is broken, it is very hard to establish a stable and harmonious relationship.
I have not much experience in relationship because my marriage is my first serious relationship so, not much to share here, but I have an uncle who got 3 kids outside his marriage and now he is 60 plus, it started to come up and we were just analyzing how painful it is to our aunt though he accepted it and let those kids visit my uncle but we know it is very painful deep inside...
Anyway, in your case, I admire you for being honest, I know it will be a different and much more difficult situation when the relationship continues but you are hiding something, know what I mean?!
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
26 Mar 10
good to see you back again my dear che. how's life in the foreign land?
yeah, sooner or later, truth will come out. and it will only be more painful if the relationship is much deeper when it will gets broken. better to start and end a relationship with truthfulness and openness.
yeah, sooner or later, truth will come out. and it will only be more painful if the relationship is much deeper when it will gets broken. better to start and end a relationship with truthfulness and openness. 
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
26 Mar 10
I believe in honesty always in any relationship I also believe in we are all human and make mistakes....But without honesty and trust there is no relationship....
I don't think I've had relationships go bad because I wasn't honest but I have had them go bad because of making mistakes and feeling horrible about it....I've had people come to me and tell me my ex husband was saying this and that and the other behind my back and I don't doubt for a second he was because when we are angry we say pretty much anything....Take Care hun it not ur fault if you were honest....
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
26 Mar 10
oh yes, we are just humans are we are made to commit mistakes. and as long as we understand each other, we can continue to be happy after forgiving and accepting one's mistakes and apologies.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
27 Mar 10
Honesty is still the best policy, I think but it has cost me a friendship as well. Years ago I had a break up with a man I loved very deeply. He and I were to be part of a wedding party and after the break up I could not bear to be anywhere near him so I phoned the bride, my friend and explained to her how I felt and asked her to please put me out of the wedding party and ask another friend because I did not think I could cope with spending the day with my ex in a bridal party! I was honest, spoke to her from my heart, apologised to her and cried. She hung up on me and we have not spoken since...Shame...But I would do the same thing again...I do not regret speaking the truth and I wish that she would have at least talked about it with me...Sometimes that is the price we have to pay for being honest...
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
28 Mar 10
and it really saddens us losing a friend, just by telling the truth.
@krisnel (498)
• Philippines
28 Mar 10
yes honesty is the best policy. in a relationship if your partner is honest to you that is a good thing. but there are some chances that you need to become dishonest because it will hurt your partner. the chances that involved a problem in you and you dont want your partner to worried about you, you would say that everything is fine although its not.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
28 Mar 10
sometimes we really have to keep telling everything not by being dishonest or liar but just to keep it secret, not telling all the truth, to keep the relationship.
@dimitarivanov (228)
• Netherlands
26 Mar 10
It did happen to me once, when I was dating this girl. In the beginning she seemed really cool but after she started to open up I began to see all these other qualities which frightened me a little by little. She made me go to a concert and I couldn't stand the main singer, however I paid for both (she was my girl, right?). Afterwards she made a comment about me not enjoying it and being too serious all the time, and immediately left with her friends. I didn't call her for the next two days or write-back to her in skype, because I was a bit angry, then we had an opportunity to talk about it and I told her straight that as I got to know her better I've seen we are just from two different worlds and I don't think we are going to be happy with each other. And basically, broke up with her afterwards... I know it sucks, but try to walk in my shoes on this one, ok?
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
26 Mar 10
mine's a little similar with yours. when me and my wife were still dating, we challenge ourselves on what type of happenings we will both fit better. i love concerts and she loves discos. i bring her to concerts though she was not so fond of listening to live performances. i go with her to dance parties, even if it is against my will. in the end, we found out that we can never both enjoy together in concerts or dance parties. so we looked for something that we will both enjoy together. and what we discovered, we enjoy more being together alone, partying with each other.
