What are the things you wish you knew before you got married?
By candyfairy21
@candyfairy21 (2039)
Philippines
March 26, 2010 9:11am CST
Hi guys,
if you are married already what are the things you wish you knew before you got married?
If you are still single what are the things you want to know before you get married?
Was just watching a movie about 2 odd couples who got married in and things were okay at the start but ended up getting divorced.
1 person likes this
12 responses
@candyfairy21 (2039)
• Philippines
27 Mar 10
I thought that love was forever and has no expiry date... are relationships now very disposable?
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
27 Mar 10
Marriages are not made in heaven and some are only fairy tales. Once love turns cold, it is almost impossible to revive it to boiling point. Yes, relationships are like supermarket goods, they stay good only when it is still new, once it is used and overused, time to get a new stock. 
@candyfairy21 (2039)
• Philippines
27 Mar 10
oh zandi common! you make it sound so unromantic lol! you make me wanna hike for a million miles lol! Sure they aren't all made in heaven but don't ya think it's worth trying to keep? keep in the sense that there is no abuse involved. I dunno my mum and dad were married 62 years before dad passed away. It wasn't always great dad said but it was always worth making it work and staying married.
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
26 Mar 10
What a question. Where do I start?I wish I had known that I was marrying a child. By that I mean I have to ask constantly to have have something done. No initiative to do anything on his own. For instance, please go cash your check, go pick up your children from daycare because I am working (common sense here required), and a host of other things that would be easy for some but apparently missed that boat, lol. I got divorced and not trying to that gain any time soon. If I want to be a mommy then i will have another child. I think every relationship has a form of mental abuse in some form or another that you may not recognize it as such. That is not an excuse for the action in no shape or form. I can handle the person not picking up after themselves, don't like it but can handle it. The maturity level needs to be even too.
@TrashQueen (107)
• United States
26 Mar 10
You sound like my parents did. Dad couldn't see anything that needed to be done at home but let a neighbor's yard need mowing & he was ready to volunteer. Used to drive Mom nuts. But they are both gone now, so no more fighting over it.
I've always had a problem w/ people not being able to see what needs to be done.. then I realized we all have priorities. What I feel needs to be done isn't what s/he does. So if it bothers me, I fix it, do it, whatever. If it bothers you... then do something about but don't nag me about what bothers you.
In your case, sounds like you need a bulletin board or schedule board & maybe then he can see the days he needs to be picking up kids or going to the bank or fixing dinner. I do know how you feel though. If I gotta do it all myself why do I need you in my life?
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
29 Mar 10
That's why he is not around anymore. I can only handle the small babies that really need assistance. He had some good qualities lol. He kept the bed warm from sleeping in it all the time. Had great communication with his friends. Anyway the past is the past. We can only move forward and pray that we all can learn from our experience.
@candyfairy21 (2039)
• Philippines
27 Mar 10
Hi Newtalent!
I guess you should've signed up with a daycare center forever at least you know you are handling kids not a grown up irresponsible adult who behaves like a kid! Sometime I get the impression that when men get married they are actually trying to get a personal maid to look after them for free! I know that there are still good men out there but it would not take long to count them all. Remind me why being single is a blessing somehow!
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
26 Mar 10
I am divorced but wish i had known my ex was not committed to the marriage like i was. Sure would have saved me alot of heartache. One can't make a marriage work no matter how hard they try.
@candyfairy21 (2039)
• Philippines
27 Mar 10
Hi Antiquelady!
Oh this one is really hard. Finding out the real truth behind the facade! oouucch! How are you doing now? Hope you have healed already. How did you find out that he wasn't so into committing to your marriage? What did you do to get out of the rut and what can you tell those who are contemplating to get married?
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
26 Mar 10
I have been married and am now divorced. Actually I've been divorced for more years now than those that I was married! Anyway, I wish I had known more about verbal and emotional abuse before - I probably would not have married. I also wish I'd known he was steeped in p*rn. That I could have avoided too...
@candyfairy21 (2039)
• Philippines
27 Mar 10
Hi macdingolinger!
I am sorry to hear that. I'm just glad that you have a life of your own now. I do not think it would be healthy to stay in an abusive relationship. Well if only there would be a sign in the forehead that says "STOP! DON'T MARRY THIS GUY'S A REAL JERK!' before marrying him then that would be good lol but there aren't! What would be your best advice to young people?
Candy
@ias_iffat (64)
• India
30 Mar 10
I got married to a lovely and beatiful girl ten years before. I have only a wish that I should knew her before that may little four or five year before. She is so good and nice that i always feel I have lost many years that I colud have been with her.
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
26 Mar 10
I think that everyone should know a person by living with them for a whole year before even thinking about getting married as that way they get to find out all off each others bad habits aswell as if there are any trust issues.I have been married twice and the first marriage was a spur of the moment thing where as this marriage we had planned for sometime before getting married.Alot of marriages do end up in divorce due to lack of money,lack of trust aswell as no knowing the person 100% before getting married.
@homeshoppers (6166)
• Philippines
27 Mar 10
first thing you must know before getting married is to make sure that both of you are really love each other as no matter storm there is once they are married they can easily surpass it. second is of course the attitude of the guy, if his a hot tempered person, and who easily hit someone once get angry as there might also be a possibility that the wife become a battered wife since the husband think that shes his wife already. third of course if financial matter, to make sure that once they live together everything is in place and stable enough to support their needs and their future kids needs.
@siliguri (4241)
• India
27 Mar 10
One thing which i like to make sure before getting into this disaster...the character and she is not suffering from any danger diseases(AIDS, CANCER, DIABETES..AND MANY MORE)..I will go for medical check up for clearing my doubt in her...this is i apparently do..
@achilles2010 (3051)
• India
30 Mar 10
One must know that the other person's search for a life partner with you is complete. Then one must know that both cannot do without each other. Last and but not the least, the person you are marrying is honest and truthful.
@TrashQueen (107)
• United States
26 Mar 10
I wish I knew myself before I tried to know/live with/love someone else.
@elamel (127)
• Philippines
27 Mar 10
hi candyfairy21.. im married for about a year and a half..right now i cant say that i wish i knew my husband before we get married..but for me if there were something that you need to know more than anything else before getting married its the family clan.i mean what kind of family she/he has.
