I need a Guy perspective....

yes. there are some of us just like that. just straight up lazy. i think he s exactly like me. lazy, irresponsible, insensitive jerk. most of my ex s hate me because of that. i suggest you take the action. dump him instead. cuz i dont like me either.

hi eurekafemme i can only say that before whatever decision you are taking... talk to him directly... ask him what's his problem... then based on that you decide whether to dump him or stay with him...

hey eurekafemme .. sorry to hear what happened to you, i'm a guy, but i don't think your partner behavior represent the good guy behaviors.. sorry for saying this.. i had lots of married friends, and i can say, they did have a rough time during the early marriage life..but as time flows, most of the men grew more mature and had a big responsibility on their wives, children, and families.. well as you said before, your husband often lying, hurting, etc.. you should take the first action on this issue.. sometimes my father hurts my mom verbally, and my sister and i always stand up for my mom.. she's fragile and we're the one who will support her.. in your case right now, i believe you're the one who have to be strong for your child sake.. this might be difficult, but i think you two need to talk seriously about the relationship.. but to be in this place, you need to ensure yourself that you're ready for the worst thing to happen.. good luck to you eurekafemme, :D God bless !

well you know you've on my friends list long enough to know what i am going to say. he's a jerk, no this isnt how a real man treat the mother of his child, even still this is right at all. a real man would get off his butt and say you need your rest let me do it. i will jump right in and help my wife if she's not feeling good at all. even if she is alright i still jump in and house work, wash or whatever. i would say he keeps doing this because you allow him too, pack your stuff and leave his sorry butt. either one he will be on his knees begging you or he wont care. and is he begs he should prove to you is willing to change hiding things, most of the time means cheating. leave him

oh i think as you have mentioned here your state is not good. i think only you can feel the circumstances there. but still i would like to say may be there could be some reason he is not able to share with you or if he shares he could give you trouble. so first try to be at your side. i think just try to show him that you are with him and always try to have a control on your voice and language. i think you can give yourself time of a month and i believe that every thing would be on track .

us guys? we're dumb. and stubborn and we just need some really, really stern sit down session just make sure it doesn't sound like you're nagging or else he'll work out he just needs to realize he also has to do his part in order to make a relationship work... after all... he did go through all the trouble of courting you and dating you. Remind him of how he was at the start of your relationship and the things you like and appreciate about him. and then let him think. Make sure you're not mad, angry, exasparated when this sit down happens ok? and no crying if it doesn't work... he's helpless

A man that loves you protects you and helps you in this time of need. A woman's body changes drastically when bearing a child. She goes through emotional turmoil and her partner needs to give her his support. This includes emotional support and even a helping hand in the housework. I used to wash the floor (and still do). And I try to give a helping hand from the best that I know. Both of us work hard, have stable jobs so both of us must give a helping hand in house chores. I think it is the time to have a good open discussion with him and try to explain to him that this is the time that you need him most. He must realise that his presence and help is needed most after having a child. Having children is a strain on a couple. So make sure that this does not break your relationship. Pray and I do wish you luck!

why just you tell him that you don't want him in you life, instead of being treated that way just ask him clearly what he want or just walk out of his life. It is much easier said then done but i don't see any other option for you. This is inhuman treatment and so why wait for him to throw you out of his life, just trow him out, may be then he will realize your true worth.

While it is true that some guys have a hard time expressing their feelings if they truly care they will show it. If he truly cared for you he would at the very least help you when you need it the most. While it is hard to say what is going on with him, not knowing him, there are certain things that men in love will do even if they are not use to it. There should be no lying and hiding things from you. This shows a complete lack of respect for you. Unfortunately some guys are good at taking their women for grated. That does not mean they care less but that, combined with other things is a pretty good indicator of how much they value you. If you have brought something to their attention and made it clear that he has hurt you but he doesn't change his ways....well it may be time for you to move on. If he does all these things and you are not even married.....do not even consider it. It will only get worse then. It is unfortunate you have a child. That complicates everything. But you must know that we only go through this life once and to be unhappy is just no expectable. To answer you final question.....no we are not all like that. When we love we show it and there is no mistaking it.

Hello Eureka! I think whatever you have written about you hubby paints a sorry picture about him. If he actually behaves in a manner, as you have described, it would be really painful and hurting for you as a wife (or for that matter, any wife). I think every wife/husband expects that his/her partner should at least be caring about him/her. You need to speak and discuss with him that his behavior is making you feel highly disappointed. As far as I am concerned, for me marriage is a very sacred relationship and I feel I must discharge my responsibilities and duties, as a husband. May be if you happen to ask my better half about me, she may have different view(s) about me than I have about myself, however, in my hearts of my heart I know that I am caring towards my better half and my amily, in general and I do not feel like hurting anyone. I know I am not 'perfect', yet with all my virtues and positive traits, I try my best to carry on a relationship. All the best to you Eureka! Keep smiling! Deepak

Leave him for a couple of months. Tell him you are tired of a mean husband. Come back in a month, and if he is the same, leave for another 2 months. No, not all husbands are like that. Unfortunately that doesn't help you now.

Hi eurekafemme, men in general are insensitive but it doesn't mean he doesn't care. Whether he like it or not he is already married, nothing can change that. I suggest, you just tell him how you feel but don't spoil him too far. Women can really manipulate a guy if they know where to hit the right buttons. Have you tried crying yet? if you haven't then try to cry your heart out and see his reactions. Suffering in silence won't do you no good.

I'm a guy and if you really want to have your husband be reprimanded for what he is doing legally or I mean by seeking the help of the government, we could talk. But if you just want him to change and be responsible to your family then I can't help you further.

If someone goes and ask your husband what he thinks of you he might probably say the very same things you just said in your post. Do not look surprised. It is the truth. Another truth is that you both are bored with each other. You are bored because you both have become disillusioned. I can see you did not expect marriage to work out like this. In the beginning, the time you met him you had a picture of a loving and caring husband in your mind. Everything seemed so wonderful then instead of romance you found household work. A crying baby is taking up the time you both had kept aside to be with each other. It is same with him as well. I blame you both for the present condition. You were unable to take in changes, which comes with marriage in your stride. However, it is not the end of the world. Stop looking at the darker side of things. Think of the ways to add spice to your life. Begin to enjoy the household work you are finding so cumbersome. Get involved with the baby. Sit and talk to your hubby and tell him that you are genuinely interested in keeping this marriage going. Try to know what is in his mind. Make yourself attractive to him as you were before. Tell him that you love him and need him. Wait for him when he returns from his work. Plant a peck on his cheek whenever he goes out. Then see the difference; and come back and tell us all about it. I wish you well.

eurekafemme I am a woman but my hubby was extraordinarily attentive when I was pregnant both times so no I dont think very real men are like 'that.Have you asked him why he is behaving so irresponsibly towards you? Communication in a marriage is really so important. we can all get upset with each other but if we can keep an open line of communication going we can always talk things out. I would point blank ask him for his help as you need it with a new baby, and if he refuses point blank, I would consider at least a trial separation as nothing seems to be changing. A man who really loves you will want to help take care of you, does he by any chance resent marrying you because you were pregnant some idiots do do just that. they helped make the baby but resent having to be responsible for it. shame shame.Have you considered marriage counseling or is it a bit late for that? good luck God bless.

there are so many responses that tell you to leave. but i hope you do think it through before you decide. leaving a partner, living as a single parent is an extremely huge step. guys are generally like what you described. some, late bloomers, probably will stay that way for a bit too long before he really becomes a father. from your description i think he cares for you and tries to be a good husband for you. but maybe his parental instincts isn't developed enough i hope you can talk to him. dont turn it into a comfrontation, that would just lead to a fight. just talk.. tell him you're tired and doing everything is really stressful. and ask him to help out. dont expect him to do it because sometimes, guys just need to be asked for help.

How bout a woman's point of view? I'm an idealist, but I'm also practical. No matter what kind of person he is, no matter how different people are all over the planet, being lazy is one thing and hurting, hiding, and lying is another. Did you try to confront him? Tell him how you feel? Did you let him know that you feel unloved, that you feel tired, that it's pretty much unfair that you have to do all the work on top of having to take care of the baby? It sounds like you haven't opened this up with him. I know you feel like it's better if he leaves you, but I know that you love him and you don't really want that because you're trying very hard to understand him. Otherwise, if you've had enough, you wouldn't be asking for help. You would just go ahead and leave him. The thing is, opening up isn't going to kill you. For all you know it might help him wake up. Talk to him. Get him to sit down. Get angry if you need to so he can listen to you. You guys need to talk, and fast! That way the both of you can figure out what's happening and you can do it together instead of just you wondering why in hell is not doing what he's supposed to do. The best of luck to the both of you! :D

Just as i told you in my last comment you should try to understand your partner some more eurekafemme ;) we guys have this difficulty of expressing what we feel most of the time thats why women sometimes feel that we dont even care. I believe your husband really loves you but hes having a hard time trying to express it. Why would he marry you or even be with you right now if he dont feel that way at all ;)