If your husband often beats you would you still hold on to your marriage?

My answer to that is a big... HELL NO Sometimes people get heated up.. tempers flare.. and someone slaps or throws something at the other person. That's an argument. Arguments are not supposed to be typical behavior. Thats abuse. Abusive relationships are NOT marriage. That's a dictatorship.

Now, if I were this woman I would wait till after he has hit me (yet again) for him to go sleep. Go downstairs boil a pot of hot water, get a bat, go back upstairs into the room where he's sleeping and throw ALL THAT WATER ON HIM!! Then while he's still confused about whats happening, I'd COMMENCE TO WHIPPING THAT AZZ W/my BAT!! And everytime I hit him I'd scream, "U LIKE MAKING ME MAD DON'T U...U LIKE THIS?!! (this is what they usually say while beating a woman) And after about 20 whacks up/down the BODY I would get my children and call the police to come get him!!!! p.s. Make sure she swings like shes trying to hit-a-homerun. And just before the police get there look him in the eyes say, "Now U know I'm going WHIP THAT AZZ TOMORROW HONEY? I LUV U!"

My mother have been in that situation. But what she did, she just stick to the marriage because of us. We, her children even advice her to let go of the marriage because it only lead her to agony and we want her to enjoy her life. Actually we already adviced her to leave us because we can take care of ourselves because we grown already but she did not follow us because as she said she really loves us. Domestic violence at home was happening almost everyday when we were growing up, but when we are matured we defend our mother with my father. My mother is confident that she will no longer feel the pain because she knows we are there to defend her. We even wants to report to the police and we like to file a lawsuit against my father but my mother stop us because she is still thinking that it can only lead to worse. And she is right. I believe when your husband often beats you, you have to analyze yourself first. Why do he beat you, what are the reason, what did you say to him that caused him to be angry and hurt you? If you can’t see any reason of beating,then the problem is in your husband. If he often beats you it is the time to let the authority know. Yes you will say you will stay because you love your family and you want your marriage to have a chance, but if the beating never stop,you have to let the authority know because you have rights as a women. Although you can still stay inside the family,but atleast now the beating will stop and you can enjoy your life as a mother of your children.

This friend of your is doing her children nothing good by staying with this man. Once a cheater always acheater. Once a beater always a beater. Many women are killed by abusive males. The children are only learning that his behavor is acceptable. They in turn will grow up to be abusers or to be abuised. Also many times when a male abuses his mate he will also abuise his children. Is that what she wants for her children? She needs to wise up and get out before her children start getting abuised or they witness her being killed. Sometimes the abuiser get progressively worse. More frequent and/or more sever. Im a surivor myself so im not just talking what i dont know. I was a runaway wife twice.

Hi khaezi, I was in a similar situation many years ago I had to put up with verbal abuse as well to the ocasional beating and I actually left because of my children I did not think it was healthy for them to grow up in such violent environment.Yes I had some misgivings every now and then but I never went back to him, my children grew up strong and responsible they all went to university and today they are respectable citizens. This person needs to adress this situation and to give her children a safer environment to grow up in.

Hello...I absolutely can't endure the violence of husband.If my husband beats me once,I will not give him another chance. I believe that the gene of violence is out of nature,if a person can't control it by himself,then nobody can avoid the recurrence.

Man... It seems as if your friend is in a terrible psychological disaster. I would say you should try to take her out of it. There are Law Enforcement agencies, Courts for family issues, courts for divorce and custody of children... If her hubby is having an affair then I think she will get the full custody of her kids. There is no point in staying in a relationship, if it is this harmful to her and her life and her kids... Think of her emotional attitude now and after 10 years.... She will be broken soon, emotionally... May God help her!!!

I really do not think for the sake of the kids is a good argument. She is teaching her kids that this behavior is ok. The sale of the kids would be better served by leaving him. No I would not stay.

Staying in a marriage like that for the 'sake of the kids' is not good for the kids or her. You didn't mention how old the children are, but regardless does she really think having him around and beat on her is better for her children to see and witness then to not have him around? As for myself, it would have been over the first time he did it. There wouldn't be a second time for him to lay a hand on me. Does she think that he won't turn on the children? Because sometimes the abusive husband becomes an abusive parent.

You should know better than everyone else, if your husband is physical abusive. If he lay a hand on you, would you still trust him again, when he got angry, or drunk, and won't ever hit you again. Even though I am a man, I won't consider beating up the woman I love. Not a chance.

Hi Khaezi, Good day! In my opinion, your friend should leave her husband. Being beaten even in front of your children only shows that the person does not respect you as an individual. Aside from that, this could have an emotional and psychological effect to the children. The children might hate the father forever or if the child is a girl she might think it's normal for a wife to be beaten by her husband and it's acceptable. If the child is a boy he might do the same thing to his wife and would also think it's normal to beat his wife. There are various reasons battered women are scared to leave their husband. The most common has something to do with financial stability. If the woman is a housewife and does not have a job of her own she would not be able to support her self and her children so she'd rather stay with her husband. As per some Women and Development studies it is normal for possessive and abusive husband not to let his wife get a job of her own because he wants the wife to be dependent to him. Another reason it's hard for some women to leave is they are ashamed of what other people especially her family will think of her. She is also scared that she will just be blamed even by her own family for getting into this kind of relationship. A battered woman needs support especially from her own family. She would be scared to leave her abusive husband if she knows there will be no one willing to help and protect her and the children from the abusive husband. I graduated with a degree in Community Development and was exposed to Women Help Desk for one year. A lot of battered women are coming to us for help. However, sometimes they choose to stay with their husband. We sometimes serve as a mediator and the husband usually promises to change. However, as per my experience the change never really happens. It even gets worse sometimes. It's like a vicious cycle. The husband will change for a week and then will be back to being abusive again. In cases like this, we help the woman file a legal action. Once a battered woman has filed a legal action she and the children are protected from the husband and the husband cannot go near them nor communicate. As a Community Development graduate with a liberal ideals about women and children abuse I strongly believe that beating a wife and child is a crime. This law has been implemented already in our country. It means that anyone can report women and children abuse because it's alreayd considered a crime. It's no longer just a personal or family issue. If I have a neighbor who's abusing his wife and child I can report it and a case can be filed against the abuser. I'm not sure if everyone is aware of it. I am. Women and Child Abuse is against human rights so it is a crime against human.

I agree with you. Talk to him and give him one last chance. If he doesn't change, then let go.

No way! I've never experienced being scolded or beaten by my parents eversince, I wouldn't let anyone or even my husband do such thing to me. If I'd be in that situation, I wouldn't leave the house, he must be the one to pack his things and go away or else the police will pick him up for a long vacation in jail ha ha!

tell her to take the kids and go someplace where he wont know where they are. a hotel, a family member, or a friends house. If she is keeping her kids in that situation she can have them taken away. no one deserves to be hit. i would leave my husband right away. tell her to get away NOW! before it gets to out of hand as to where one of the kids trys to help mom out and the dad beats the kids.

hi khaezi, I was in a similar situation with my ex husband. notice I said EX. He hit me and he hit me in front of the kids. I did give him chances because I really loved him and wanted our marriage to work. Instead the beatings got worse and they usually do. The kids were all pretty young when I left him for the sake of the kids and everyone. He did not change and I don't regret leaving him. I did not want my kids to think that it was ok to hit or be hit and that is the message staying would have sent them. They would have either grown up to be violent or gotten into a relationship and put up with it thinking that it's normal.

frankly she needs to seek a councilor or support group use them as a shoulder until she can decide what is happening is not the best thing for her family or herself. I hope she comes to her senses and see's that things maybe financially harder w/o him but I'd rather struggle then get beat. My Aunt has been w/ an abusive man for over 35yrs and it kills me she won't leave him. She will complain about his behavior left and right but other than going to a support group & talking to me she will not leave him. Other family members have said it's the money that's keeping her there. I dunno if it's the money or the glimmer of a decent man that he can be when he chooses.

i'd say what is the purpose of staying in a marriage if one gets beaten up all the time? even the most conservative of parents would advise a child of theirs to get out of that marriage. and children shouldn't be an excuse to stay in the marriage. they wouldn't have a mother in the long run anyway if their mother gets beaten up all the time. and if i were the wife i'd tell them straight away that their father beats me that's why am taking them with me in leaving the marriage. at least they know it isn't my fault in any way that's why the marriage didn't work out. that's why there are laws against wife battery. we have the right to stay safe.

yeah. do it Asap.she has enough reason to file for divorce. If she has a proof that her husband has a mistress. If in case, Her husband doesn't want to pay for child support. Tell her, to go any license branch in your town and tell them to suspend his driver's license for not paying child support.! if I am her friend, without hesitant I will get her out of that Hell..!

I think the wife should leave the husband if a situation like this occurs, its for her own good and for the children. It's hard at first but with the help of family and friends I know that she can do it. Its better to leave than to stick with a good for nothing guy.

Too much martyrdom! I understand her position. As a mother,she wouldn't want her kids to grow up with a broken family. But in her case,there's no family that she can save anymore. It's just her and the kids. I grew up in a broken family,same situation. It's been a mental and emotional torture! If she loves her children,she wouldn't let them live in a war freak house. She should save herself. Report to the authorities,leave,then ask for custody of the kids and file a financial support from the dad. That's practical.