Should he give her the present back? They broke up
By divineathena
@divineathena (1746)
United States
March 29, 2010 11:48pm CST
I once asked a question here about my friend and her boyfriend. Now I have one more. Well, they had a nasty breakup. It is because she insulted him, humiliated him and gave threats to him by cutting off her wrist. The guy got scared and he had to talk to her parents about it. This made my friend angry and thus she sent an email to his sister in which she wrote that he cheated on her and that is why she was leaving him. But after some days she realized it was wrong and so she started chasing him again. This time he made up his mind not to stay with her at all. So my friend asked him for a friendship. But then in the evening she would text him like crazy which angered his sister and brother. Yesterday, his brother called up my friend and asked her not to do it. So she understood that her chance of getting him back was totally gone and also that it was time for to move on. But before that she wants the ring back that he presented her on her birthday. Actually, once after an argument she left it at his work by saying she would not keep it with her anymore.
It hurt the guy a lot and took it as an insult.
Today my friend called me just to urge me to tell him to return that ring to her. Actually she told me that she would live with that memory of his forever. I asked him and he said to me that she lost all rights to it and he fears that if he gives it back to her she will emotionally blackmail him again.
And then he asked me if he should really give it to her. I really do not know what to say. I know she was extremely cruel towards him. I read all her rude text messages that she sent him when they were in relationship and I swear the stuff written almost made me cry. So I am at a cross road. Do you think he should give her the ring back?
1 person likes this
9 responses
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
30 Mar 10
He should not give it back to her because it doesn't belong to her anymore, she chose to return it to him. If he had taken it from her, snatched it off the dresser or something, and was refusing to return it that would be different. But in this situation she gave up any rights to that piece of jewelry when she gave it back to him. She did that to hurt him and it worked, now she gets to pay the price. He should sell it and buy himself something he really wants.
1 person likes this
@divineathena (1746)
• United States
31 Mar 10
I agree with you. She does things without thinking. But later she ends up hurting herself.
@dminotaur (134)
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
Well, if that's the price for closure, then sure. Although, it depends upon value of the ring.
Is it expensive?
Is it passed down to the family generation tree?
Is it important to him?
If the closure out-weighs the value, then just give her the ring. Or go to a jewelry shop and look for something similar -- Hopefully, she doesn't have a picture of it or recall what it exactly looks like :)
@divineathena (1746)
• United States
31 Mar 10
Good news is that it was not from a family tree. Bad news is that it is expensive because it is made from gold. He says he will give it to the next girl, but never to that ex.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
30 Mar 10
its hard to say. He did give it to her as a gift so technically it is hers. Then again, she did give it back to him. I totally understand his concerns at giving it back to her. Your friend is acting childish and crazy. I think if I were him, I'd give it back and continue to ignore her. At this point, he should not answer her calls or have anything at all to do with her and that includes giving her back the ring. Instead he should give it to you to give back to her and be done with her. And your friend needs to learn how to treat people or she'll never hold on to a boyfriend.
@divineathena (1746)
• United States
31 Mar 10
It seems like he can't ignore her calls. This is because she uses the "private" mode. Unfortunately, his parents live out of the country and that is why when they call it appears as private on caller id. So he sometimes ends up answering her calls. She sure is crazy. Thank you for responding.
@angel_kaycee (1112)
• Philippines
30 Mar 10
don't be upset with this. but don't you think your friend has some sort of psychological or emotional disorder? based on your story it seems that she is somewhat emotionally unstable. she changes minds quickly. and her mood swings very fast. but as of your question if i were the guy i won't give it back to her. anyway, she's the one who insisted on returning my gift to her. and besides what's her point of wanting the ring back when she already broke up with the guy? but still its up to you anyway you said she were your friend and if getting the ring back would help her ease her pain then so be it. but it were for me, no not anymore. ~ happy mylotting!
@divineathena (1746)
• United States
30 Mar 10
This is what I believe also. I mean in my heart I know she should not get the ring back because then it will become extremely hard for her to move on. And from her past history with this guy I can say that even after getting it back she will not be moving on.
But she was going on messaging and calling me to send him the message she will completely get out of his life if she gets it back. My head does not work in this issue anymore. Also I seem to lose my temper now all the more about her since she keeps changing her mind again and again. Even last february she told me she was not happy with him, she didn't see any future with him and that she was just with him because she had feelings for him. And now suddenly she says that she had the happiest time with him and that she saw him like her husband. I was like "what?"
Thank you for responding. I agree with you totally on what you said.
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
3 Apr 10
Um, not only would I tell him to keep the ring, but honestly this 'friend' of yours is horribly unstable. I would find a new friend. I know that hurts, but if you stick with this 'friend', she's going to end up hurting you, like she hurt this guy.
The reason he should keep the ring, is because if she gets it, she'll believe it's a token that they are back together, and that he owes her. I know that sound fruity, but really, it's true. Don't give her any gifts of any kind.
@myzire72 (1154)
• Singapore
31 Mar 10
Well, do you think your friend deserves the ring which her boyfriend gave her? I know you are at the crossroads now - you want to stand by your friend but at the same time, you disagree with what she had done to hurt her boyfriend. If I were the boyfriend, I would not want to keep the ring anymore since I want to have a clean break with the girl. If she wants it, she can have it, or else the ring will find a place in the bin. Keeping the ring will only bring back heartbreaking memories. By the way, you better give your friend a piece of your mind and tell her she will mind her own business in future.
@divineathena (1746)
• United States
31 Mar 10
You are right. I have been giving her my piece of mind, but she keeps doing the opposite. The guy is hurt from what she did and that is why he feels she no more deserves it.
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
30 Mar 10
Sounds to me like a troubled girl. I feel sorry for the guy. I'd be hurt too. Hopefully the girl finds someone to talk to, and moves on.
@cowboyofhell (3063)
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
The problem with not giving that ring to her is that it can lead to further pain for the girl. The mere fact that she has not that ring under her possession would even keep her awake the whole night in short bothered by that. If I were the guy I would give the ring to her not thinking it as a gold ring but a teddy bear. He must be man enough to make a little sacrifice.
@apoljuice1 (730)
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
After reading the first response where it explains she possibly has Borderline Personality D/O, I would suggest you start telling her that she can't have the ring back. Not because the guy won't give it back, but because it's not hers to keep anymore. When she gave it back, she also gave away something she shared with the guy. You have to convince her that if she truly loves him, she will let him be happy. She will let him breathe. Getting back together or getting something back will not make him happy, but it will make her happy. You have to tell her the reality of the situation is, he will be happy alone, things will be okay between them if she gives him space, and there won't be any tension if she quits trying to upset him.
Unfortunately, her ex has gotten emotional baggage that he did not deserve. But hopefully she'll get over this and once she does, make sure you help open her eyes to what she's been doing so that way, she can have an easier time making it to therapy.
