Help me , my daughters boyfriend is a nightmare
@heartbrokenmom (2)
United States
March 31, 2010 9:37am CST
My daughter is 16 years old, she will turn 17 this summer. This past year has been very hard for us as we almost lost my daughter in a horrible accident. I have always wanted the best for her but i feel like Im fighting a losing battle. She met a boy and at first he seemed really nice and now I cant stand him. At first he seemed to be well mannered and polite and now its totally the opposite. He is disrespectful and rude and has even told me he doesnt like me. My husband caaught him lying on top of our daughter on her bed and he says he was just kissing her. I wasnt born yesterday I know they are sexually active. He has her lying to us about where she is and what shes doing all the time. I know he has drank and he has smoked pot in the past he claims he doesnt do it anymore...right. She had planned out everything for after graduation and now she has changed it all. She was going to go into the military and then go to college but now she wants to move out as soon as she turns 18 which is the summer before her senior year . She says they are going to move in together which I think is wrong and she knows it. She will end up pregnant and not finishing school. This boy knows how we feel about him and he doesnt care that its causing problems for our family. We are considering taking away her vehicle and her cell phone becaause she says she will be with him no matter what we say and we can see his temper also and we know she is going to regret this with all of her heart and he is so lazy he makes her do everything and pay for everything. I just wish she could see him the way we do. Please tell me how to get rid of him.
1 person likes this
10 responses
@1Mdollarmom (207)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
I've been in a similar situation lately but it's less difficult than your situation. I received many responses. I know how difficult your situation is now. I cannot give you a perfect solution because we came from different cultures. Your daughter's reaction maybe different from mine's. For me, I cannot simply keep my mouth shut but I had to be careful with my words. I have to impose strong words so as to let her realize that she should prioritize her education and her future and that when she graduates she'll meet guys far better than that guy.But instilling that in her mind shouldn't make you a nagger. Be a friend to your daughter. Let her realize that there are other people more particularly you, who loves her so much and you just want to protect her. Talk to her more often. Let her enjoy your company. Sometimes, teenagers mistake enjoyment with love. You have to work on your emotions. Because sometimes teenagers change decisions because of emotions. If she's having wrong emotions to that wrong guy then use that emotion to counter attack. Though you hate it very much, try to be polite as much as possible with the guy. That's what I did also to my daughter's boyfriend. Better (if not yet too late) if you could also show concern with the guy because he maybe lacking love and respect from his own parents. That's what I did to my daughter's boyfriends and I earned their respect. I made them realize that I am protecting my daughter and I'm working so hard to get her the best education so she can finish her studies. Lastly, don't forget to pray and trust in God. If everything fails, God will never fail.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
1 Apr 10
I,m sorry to say, but i don't think there is anything you can do to get rid of him. Unfortuantely we face a lot of problems with todays teenagers and we just hope that they will open their eyes soon enough. To try and keep them away from each other will only worsen the situation. You just have to be patient and hope she will learn from this mistake. TATA.
@mokkka (881)
• Bulgaria
17 Apr 10
This is her decision so you cannot make anything to change this situation.If you try to she will just hate you because now she thinks this is the only person who cares about her.I have gone through these things with my parents but I fortnately was too scarry little girl so I prefered to stay with them but I know many girls who ruined their life that way.It is sad because she will understand she is not right but it will probably be too late as she may be pregnant or even anole with a child...
@carolscash (9492)
• United States
17 Apr 10
You may not be able to get rid of him. However, I hope for her sake that your daughter sees what he is doing to your family and will get rid of him. I hate boys who are like this, but I went through it with my daughter too. I know that they will learn on their own,but that doesn't make it easy to sit and watch it happen and watch them be hurt.
@hvedra (1619)
•
13 Apr 10
You could call her bluff and his. Ask 'em to move in together now and that you are done paying for this behaviour from the pair of them. Take away her vehicle, 'phone and anything else you've paid for and cut off her money and tell them they can start supporting themselves right away instead of waiting another year.
@sleepylittlerose (1648)
• United States
31 Mar 10
How old is he? This may be your only out to temporarily get rid of him. But if she is insistant on being with him there is nothing you are going to say or do that will be an immediate fix. I know you don't want your daughter to get hurt or see her head down the wrong path but you are dealing with at teen. She thinks she is in love and nothing you do will change her mind. If you push too hard then you run the risk of losing her. Teens are very tricky when it comes to finding a good balance and being hurt sometimes is the best medicine for them. They then learn that mom/dad knows a little something and that life is not as simple and glorious as they had invisioned it. So best words of advice I can give are to let her know how you feel, but no matter what you say she will make her own decisions. Please be there when she falls, as we all know it will happen to give her the love and support that she needs.
This is a tough time, we put our parents through much of the same thing. If your mom/dad are still around talk to them and find out how they dealt with it. And remember to show them the love that they deserve for not wanting to "kill" you when you put them through this. Like my mom always said "I can't wait until you have kids and I hope they are just like you." Sorry mom, didn't realize what I was putting you through at the time.
@heartbrokenmom (2)
• United States
31 Mar 10
Believe me I have told her how I feel and she says she doesnt understand why I feel that way. When I try to explain my feelings to her she only makes excuses for him and teells me how wrong I am. I would give anything to be able to ask my parents for thier advice but they have both passed away unfortunitely. Thank u for the advice and I will consider it. Believe I apologized to my mom too once I realized how right she was.
@charylady (419)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
this is really a problem and i empathize with you but at her age your daughter will not listen to you. the more you nag the more you drive her into her boyfriend's arms. just derive comfort from the fact that in a few years she will see his true colors for herself. let's hope that she does not get too hurt. meantime all you can do is be there for her.
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
11 Apr 10
I feel for you heartbrokenmom, I too have the same situation. Except my daughter is 20 and when I confronted her, she moved in with this boy..He too is rude and unkind and I can't stand him. And to top it off, she wants me to allow her b/f and her to take my 7 y/o to the city to the children's museum.
I saw some good replies, including the Poison him and I agree, really it is not an option as good as it sounds..
I don't know if you have any faith, but prayer can do wonders. Even though it seems like it isn't working, that is about all you can do. You don't want to confront her like I did. At her age, she may take off and that will be even worse..
I don't know if you have any faith, but prayer can do wonders. Even though it seems like it isn't working, that is about all you can do. You don't want to confront her like I did. At her age, she may take off and that will be even worse.. @worldbestwriter2008 (1633)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
This is somehow a very difficult situation to solved for. Loving someone or so much inlove for someone is really difficult to break their relationship worst the girl or the boy became crazy if you try to untie them as girlfriend and boyfriend but you says in this situation that the boy is very much lazy and the girl is below 18. I think you still have all the rights to get your daughter back and let the boy get out from your house.
@Simi234 (142)
• India
1 Apr 10
You mentioned that the boy is lazy and does not do anything and even asks your daughter to pay for him. Why don't you try stopping cash flow for your daughter. Tell her that if she thinks the boy is so right, let him help you with all the money you need. This will also prove how will he take care of you and earn money since you both are planning to move out soon.
If the boy is just playing around, ofcourse he will not take the burden of earning for your daughter.
Also, find some of the guys friends who can talk about him and what he does and how he is. They can be eye opener for your daughter.
If your daughter has any best friend or someone whom she respects and listens to, talk to that person about your problem and probbaly they will be better to talk to your daughter on this matter.
@xGuilt (26)
• Philippines
1 Apr 10
i know this might be silly as a suggestion but have you tried to convince the parents of the boy because NO parent would want to burden their son/daughter simply because of a reason like teen pregnancy if all goes well they would support you on trying to separate the two.
and if whatever you said about her being pregnant that early it will result to abortion which WILL possibly open your daughter's eye and realize it's almost too late as her guy might possibly leave her there but try to constantly remind her my fave quote. "It's never too late to make the right choice"
i hope this helps good luck with your family
