Until How Far Will You Go To Be a Parent?
By apoljuice1
@apoljuice1 (730)
Philippines
April 2, 2010 9:52pm CST
Sometimes I get the feeling that my parents gave up on me a long time ago. It makes me feel bad and alone to think about it. They didn't exactly throw my out of the house when I got married, and they treat my husband in a civil manner. But I feel like that's all I'm ever going to get. Any help they extend makes me feel like they're forced to do it. Any more, and they'll pop.
As a parent, how far would you love your children? What would you do if they did something that you didn't plan for them, or they "broke your dreams" for them? How would you treat your children regardless of age for doing something you feel very strongly against?
3 people like this
12 responses
@Ritchelle (3790)
• Philippines
4 Apr 10
you cannot teach old dog new tricks. we're 5 children in the family and am the eldest at 35. so far, 2 of my siblings including me had the same problem with our parents. had because we've come to terms with it. we are who we are and our parents are who they are. i think what is important is the totality of what they done for us and as a result we are still living in this world. i think it is important to accept your parents for who they are thus eliminating your disappointments. remember, we may temper our negative traits but physiologically speaking we got the same neurons in the brain as our parents have. the no. of green and red neurons so they say up there including its groves. in other words, sooner or later you'd see traits that they have in you. you may temper it but you have it. you are who your parents are. you might end up differently from them but their core is still your core. you might just be able to cover it in a different manner. peace 
1 person likes this
@raleyfamily (132)
• United States
3 Apr 10
I'm the mother of ten children, with four of them grown and out of the house, two with families of their own, and two still in school. Over the years, some of my children have not done everything I wished they would do. But as long as they are moral and responsible, I am still proud of them. They are their own people, they live under their own convictions. I expect them to make good decisions both with their money and their lives. If they don't, they should not feel like someone, including me, is responsible to bail them out of the trouble they caused themselves. There are other things that are beyond our control, like one daughter who had a handicapped child. We support there where we are needed, but my daughter has made good choices in that one thing and handles it well herself.
I have another child who recently began to do something I am very strongly against. In that, I will not help her one tiny bit. In fact, it's better if she and I do not even TALK about it. At the same time, I love my daughter and my grandchildren. We still get together, talk on the phone, and spend holidays together. This one thing, which I do not approve of, for the most part does not exit between us. In that way, we can keep up our good relationship.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
3 Apr 10
You know, we all feel like that sometimes. We know that parents can be demanding as they always want the best for us. We learn the hard way and threw our mistakes. That can sometimes be unforgiven for our parents. Be as it may, i am sure that they really love and care for you. But they have to accept that you are married now and have your own life. Why don't you just talk to them about this and how it makes you feel. 
TATA.
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
4 Apr 10
I think our parents never stop loving us. There may be things that we do that they dont agree but they are our parents. Maybe its just a misunderstanding that you have with your parents and you can always do things for them that will make you and your husband comfortable with them and them comfortable with you. Responsibilities doesnt only rely on the parents but also with the kids.
@apoljuice1 (730)
• Philippines
5 Apr 10
I think you're right. I know there are things I could do so that they could be comfortable with my husband. He's not exactly the guy my parents wanted me to marry, but then we had a baby while we were still going out. We were planning to get married, and the thing is they didn't know him all that well. They only met him months before we got married, and I kind of got the picture when they told us we would have to learn to make it on our own. It's just that we've been having a lot of problems lately financial wise, and one of the biggest right now is dealing with our landlady who seems to have forgotten a few months we paid our rent. So now we're supposed to have 3 months worth of unpaid rent and she's expecting me to pay up every payday. My mistake was not keeping a record of the rent we were paying her. So when that happened I started keeping a record of every transaction I do with her. I still need to talk to her about this to clear this up with her. Plus my eldest daughter (from another guy) lives with my parents, and since I live away from my parents, I hardly get to see my eldest daughter. I feel sorry for our situation for not being able to see her, but sometimes my mom would not let me have her over during the weekends, and i only get to take her home when my mother is out of town. It's painful and sad, but I don't know how long they would let this up. I can't make them feel for me but I just want to get everything over with so that I can spend more time with my daughter and be a mother to her.
@mackiejp (374)
• Philippines
3 Apr 10
Being a parent, I love my children at no extent. My love for them is infinite. I don't set too much expectation on them, the more you set expectations, the more you get hurt when they failed you. We are here to encourage and support them to pursue what they dream for themselves and not to dictate them.
1 person likes this
@chipesterkhan (2925)
• Philippines
3 Apr 10
as far as it takes.
wait a minute... i don't know what i'm talking about.
but if i did become one i'd equip my child with the tools necessary to live in the real world and push them to succeed so that i can live the rest of my life knowing i'll die in peace that they'll come out on top of the world.
bow.
1 person likes this
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
3 Apr 10
Both of my daughters have done things at one time or another that I didn't exactly approve of or agree with, but that is part of life. I might have gotten real upset with them, maybe even didn't speak to them for a little while, while I cooled down. But, as for loving them, I have never stopped nor will I ever. In my opinion, when you decide to become a parent, you are in it for life, for the rest of your's at the least. I have helped my daughters when I could, I have always been there for them emotionally, and have supported whatever decisions they have made, and been there to pick up the pieces when their choices weren't so good. And I will always be there for them in some capacity.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
3 Apr 10
Hi Apoljuice,
Well I have 4 daughters and I love them to pieces. I know in their growing up that there were times that they thought I didn't care but I cared so much. When my now 23 yr old was 17 until she was about 20 she made the worst choices in her life that you can imagine. I did get pretty hard with her. It's called tough love. I would not let her go hungry or sleep in the cold but I did not make it easy for her to continue on making the choices she was making. She was so angry with me for a while there. She came around tho and now she is doing really well in her life. What did you do that broke your parents dreams for you? I would love my kids regardless of what they did.
@lulumartin (963)
• Germany
6 Apr 10
Hi, apoljuice.
I did not achieve my parents' dream, and now they will sometimes remind me that i disappoint them or still compare me with my other friends. That really made me feel bad about myself.
And now i am a mother, and i don't want to plan for my children that what he should or should not do. That's their life and i want them to make their choice, and i am there always for them, support them, and guide them, but not making decisions for them.
Many parents always plan for their children, but i think this is not a good things. Children should learn to be responsible for their life and do what they want in their life. One day, we will be gone and they will still alive and go on their life, and by that time, they just learn to be independent, then that will be too late.
If my children do something that i feel very strongly against, i will try to calm myself down and talk with them in peace. I don't know whether i really do that when it comes, but i am learning and trying to be.
Have a nice day and happy mylotting.
@TheAdvocate (2392)
• Philippines
3 Apr 10
I don't see what the problem is from your discussion. What is the "more" that you are expecting from your parents? As far as I can see they have done their responsibility to you. Now that you are married, you should depend on your spouse and not your parents for help. Some people are not showy, maybe your parents are one of those people. I am not a parent (yet), but I make it a point to return the love that they showed me. I believe in karma, and so I make it a point to treat my parents the way I want my children (if any) to treat me.
@renifa12 (104)
• Philippines
4 Apr 10
being a parent is not easy, sometimes you are happy becoz your kids are doing well, sometimes also being a parent is a hard task, you have to guide your kids for the better, mold them to become a good individual...so to those parents out there, a salute to all of you for molding your kids into a better person in the society.
