where do we stand in a relationship

I am in the same situation. but to tell you the truth i've been selfish and judgmental to my friend. My friend is also my bestfriend since high school. She's a very intelligent human being. She wanted to be a lawyer. but her parents pursue her to be a nurse. Last year around September we visit one of our high school friend and its a 4 hours drive.. while in the car.. she admit to me that she's having a relationship with a married man, the worst thing is.. she's 23 years old and this guy is 52 years old.. i was so shocked.. i ask her that i cant pass judgement to her.. i said that to her so that she can open up to me.. but deep inside im being judgmental.. to cut the story short. This particular guy is using my bestfriend sexually and i cant do anything about it!! why? because my bestfriend thought he loves her. i asked her if its money matter.. she said no and i believe her becoz she came from a well off family.. I don't really know what to do to her.. im totally ignoring her, ignore her txt, in ym.. not becoz i dont want her anymore but becoz im ashamed to myself.. i cannot look in her eyes.. next week im having dinner with one of our friend and i wanted to open this issue to him.. to think of ways to save her.. i dont like the guy... he admitted he loves her becoz she got bigger boobs than his wife?? it's not love at all.. i dont want her wasting her life to some kind of predator!!

Your friend is certainly a lot more different from your points of views and more importantly she tormented you for doing the wrong thing for all the wrong reason And I admire you for being always there to be her friend ready to be her crying shoulders. It's hard to see your friend being sad and it makes you happy to see your friend happy in love with the wrong person. You just have to let go and tell yourself that your friend had to choose what can make her happy and when things go wrong...she must learn how to stand up and mend her broken heart on her own capabilities. Don't always carry her...she would not grow up and become a better person.

What do you mean committed elsewhere? In a committed relationship elsewhere? Or committed to his job? If this man is in another relationship then your friend needs to see the light. Even if it does work out all nice and rosy for her and she gets the man in the end. She has to be aware of that fact that she will make his wife / girlfriend feel the same way as she felt when he stopped talking to her. Also, if he can just cut your friend out of his life then obviously he just sees her as a bit of fun. An escape from his day to day life of marriage, kids, work or whatever (I do not know the exact situation).

I agree with you that guy sounds like a jerk. But I don't think you should be the one to tell her. I know how hard that is, I'm in the same boat with my husband right now. He has this friend who constantly wants my husband to go out with him and spend money that my husband knows needs to go into the household. My husband has really tried to tell his friend that he can't keep going out with him. But continues to do it anyway, I've tried saying something but it's like talking to a wall. So now I just don't say anything and i let my husband go out with his friend. Anyway I think you're right her happiness is all that matters and if you want to remain her friend. You should back off and let her come to her own conclusion.

The guy who is she with is commited to somebody else... Do you mean married already??? Anyways, let us just pray that she get to realize soon that her relationship with that man wont do any good... and she is hurting other person or people too... Yes we cannot change the way she thinks for now, especially she is madly inlove with the guy... all we can do is to just keep on reminding her but in a way that is not pushy for she might be irritated... And also remember, sometimes the more a person being told not to... the more that person push through it...

I feel you in this situation because I also have a friend is with a married person. My friend is beautiful, have a nice and high earning job and she lots single suitors, but she opted to be with a married man. I dont want her decisions but because I care and I am concern for her situation all I could do was to keep on reminding her. That this kind of relationship would not give her a complete happiness. True enough after a couple of years she has lots of demand that her married boyfriend could no longer handle. She now feel that she was only a second choice and the last in the priority list. I guess as times goes by, your friend realize that it would still be good and much better if you have a man that is yours 100%. As a friend all you could do is to guide her and keep on reminding the other side of the coin. I guess thats all we could do for now.

Hi ruby, You are a good friend. Sometimes it's not important that we agree with what our friends are doing but just be there for them. If she is happy then that's what matters most I guess. If he is all wrong for her and it sounds as if he probably is then she will figure it out sooner or later.

Feel happy, if your friends is happy..make a difference in your life that the best thing you can do..you are still friend even you take different path in life., the most important here is you are happy where you are, don't worry about the thing that makes you worried., Live life to the fullest even at sometimes you seems unlikely on this world.

You are right. We have to be happy for our friends even if we don't like the situation they got themselves into because this is when true friendship really shows. If you're happy seeing her happy then you definitely are a good friend.

hey i've afriend too who is crazy in love with this guy! he is really bad in all sense and even she knows it but she still loves him and prays that he would come back to her! i don't understand why people give importance to someone who doesn't care about you!?? at the end of the day , i think one should love themselves if they're in such a position!! what do you think!??

Hi rubypatson. Yeah you haveto be happy for your friend hapiness..its the life she chooses. We have nothing to do with her decision..just be there for her if she needs you. ..and i wish that your friend relationship will last so that she will be forever happy. I understand the feeling of being heartbroken..we should pray and wish her goodluck..