sorry but i am not you
By se7enthbird
@se7enthbird (8307)
Philippines
April 8, 2010 11:07pm CST
some people think that when they give advice on something you need to follow it to a T and some people think that because it is effective for then they think their way is always the best way. some people think that if they are like this you should bne like that to her/him in return. we all have different ideas and we all have different traits. we all have different perspectives and we all have styles on how to deal with it. not because someone asked for advice that means she/he will follow it the way you layed it down. give them change to think for their own and make it the way they are comfortable. am i venting no, har har har. i am saying this for my wife feels bad towards a friend. and i just told her sorry she is not you. although i understand what my wife is feeling at the moment the only thing i can tell her now is not to be upset for not all people is like her.
1 person likes this
12 responses
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
9 Apr 10
Very sensible observation indeed se7enth,I agree fully with you........Well its often when we care too much for a person ,like our family or friends,that we intend to "impose" our experience on them with nothing but goodness in our mind..But very often this may have a reverse effect ,and tend to leave us upset when the person refuse to obey or follow our advise....This is because very often we fail to realise that what works well for one person ,may not work for others,for circumstances and personalities differ......
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
yes specially the personality. we all differ in personality so it may be effective for us but not the right tune for others. it can help them start to think of a good way to solve their problems once they heard your advice or maybe give them a push to have the confidence to do something but still they will do it in their own way. thanks a lot for the response and have a great weekend roseo.
1 person likes this
@Saranggola (956)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
when I give advice I don't make people follow it. I always leave the decision to them if they were to follow it or not. I just give them ideas if they need it because if I'm in trouble, I seek advices to from others to sort out and to know what could be better to do.
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
that is what exactly we all need to do. advice is only a suggestion, or a moral booster, and a push to give a friend or a sibling. but that does not mean that they have or we have to do that as what they are said. we need to think of the best way that is suit for us. thanks a lot for the response and welcome to the wonderful world of mylot.
@Saranggola (956)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
Thanks for the warm welcome. I'm just a newbie here in mylot.
@lampar (7584)
• United States
14 Apr 10
Why would anyone want to feel upset if her advice is not taken seriously? It is up to that person to decide whether he /she want to follow through or not, nothing in the world will make me think it is such a big deal if someone ask for my advice but never want to use it on themselves, if they don't think it will be effective for them. I will not even bother to think otherwise. I had other important things to worry about and up set in my life instead of this little bitty stuff ....lol!
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
yes very true, but like i said i understand what my wife is feeling for this friend of hers always come for an advice for the same problem all over again and again. she makes mistakes over and over again and she just want her for once to think before doing anything. thats why i dont like having friends har har har. sometimes you get too close to them and get bothered on their own problems. thanks a lot for the response
@msfrancisco9369 (10002)
• Boston, Massachusetts
9 Apr 10
Hi 7th,
you have a point there. if they ask for our advise it does not mean that it will be followed...anybody can learn from our advise and maybe find it helpful to come up with a decision. it may not be as what we want it to be but at least we shared our side and in some way it helps. if it does not then it's for ouor friend because the decision is hers let's not be affected or be stressed out by it!
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
advice can be just a stepping stone or just a push, a boost of moral so that the friend in trouble can still feel that there are people who can help him/her to put input. but not necessary that they need to follow it. some other people can advice them as much better advice that we can give. thanks a lot for the response
1 person likes this
@msfrancisco9369 (10002)
• Boston, Massachusetts
11 Apr 10
the final say will always be US. So whoever give their piece thanks to them. advises are based on personal experiences but better if we consider just providing option a mini counseling type...so that it will not hurt us if ever they will not follow what we say. at least with the options they can always choose the best one and be responsible for it. sometimes with advises, people can go back to us and blame us for a wrong decision made based on our advises.
@Andyvil (793)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
We all have different traits and I think that we should respect other peoples ideas and personality. I for one wouldn't hang out with someone whom I can't get along but I usually respect other peoples opinion. I also want other people to respect my opinion. So I usually get along with someone if we have mutual respect.
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
14 Apr 10
hello there new friend, true that we all have different traits and personality on how to solve our own problems, though we have to thank friends who gives advice. i do do respect everybody's opinion and i want to people to respect mine too. thanks a lot for the response and hope to see you more here at mylot. good luck
@770876 (151)
• Malaysia
9 Apr 10
I agreed that, everyone gets difference education, life background, So it is impossible to advise somebody and expect the person will follow the advice, The advice is only a suggestion.
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
14 Apr 10
wow i guess this is the first time i saw a mylot member that the user name are numbers. some are names with numbers but this is the first time i saw a member with all numbers as the username. well back with the discussion. we all just need to respect everybody's opinion and learn from it. pick up the things that you think you can use. thanks a lot for the response
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
9 Apr 10
This is so true but try telling that to people who become angry when you don’t follow their advise to the T….they even start calling you ungrateful LOL. At least your wife’s feeling bad, my mom gets so angry when she doles out advise and I don’t follow them all the time, that I’ve actually stopped discussing my problems with her…
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
the reason why i said i understand what my wife feelings, because her friend keeps on asking her advice regarding relationship. she always say the same thing all over and over again but her friend is not trying it. she feels sad for her friend is coming for an advice with the same problems all over and over and it is getting annoying already. it is funny that people do the same mistakes over and over and never learned. thanks a lot for the response
@kprofgames (3091)
• United States
9 Apr 10
I think relationships can be very hard. We have to find a balance in it and I can honestly say there are some people I know that I don't tell anything to becuase I don't want to hear their advice.
I know what you are saying. What works for one doesn't and sometimes isn't going to work for another. I think everyone needs to be take a step back before they hand out advice, especially if they can't understand what it is like to walk in someone else's shoes.
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
i agree with you about there are friends that you dont tell your problems for you dont like to hear their advice.... for there are people who thinks they are good even they dont know yet the feeling of a specific problem or trouble. if they never experience to wear that kind of shoe then they may not have nothing to say that can help. thanks a lot for the response
@strawberrychocodahi (4818)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
Just remember that when you advice someone, it will always be a decision for them to make, not your own. So don't feel bad about it when the very person who asked your opinion or advice, might not as well take your advice.
People as what you have said, have their own minds, style, ways to come up and how they will deal with the problem. Some would ask an advice for others to think that they will just hear great or good things matching their own ideas or opinion.
Although a good friend would tell you what is best even if that friend would not be agreeing you also. Anyway, cheer up. That's life and just don't get tired doing good to others even if they do the opposite to you.
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
very well said straw, and i guess my wife feels sad for the reason that her friend keeps on asking for advice over and over again of a certain problem with her relationship. the friend is doing the same mistake over and over and she feels bad that its like she is not listening on what advice they are giving to their friend. sometimes people make mistakes over and over but still ask for advice. thanks a lot for the response
@nangisha (3496)
• Indonesia
9 Apr 10
Yeah thats right I have a friend like that who force his advice to me and I really don't like to force to do something that I am not. My friend seem really hard to see from others point of view and want every thing done in his way. I think I don't now I how long more I can stand this person. Do you thing is a bad idea to get rid this person out of my life? even my mom not controlling like her.
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
there are people who are like that, its their way or no way. why dont you tell that person how you feel, then if he does not care then that is the time to get rid of him. when you call a person a friend that means you both has the right to express your own opinion. but if he will only have the right to express his opinion and you dont have the right then that is not friendship. he needs to know that you are getting irritated with his traits already. hope this advice helps and suits for you. thanks a lot for the response
@justdroppingby (296)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
Hi! The title of your post was very catchy and intriguing... nice.
I guess it's a lesson in humility for all of us. We can't assume that everybody thinks and acts and sees the world the same way that we do. If we really want to help somebody out, I guess the best way is to let that someone learn his or her own life lessons in his or her own particular way. We can't really force our view of right or wrong on somebody else. They have to internalize it first before they can understand it or act on it fully. The best we can do I guess is just point out the options and alternatives available.
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
if we want to help someone out one of the best thing is to pray for them that they will do what is right. but sometimes when a friend gets in trouble over and over again, and never learn from their mistakes, that is were and that is why my wife feels sad. but then again i told her that she is nor her so maybe there are really people who learns the hard way. thanks for the response and welcome to the wonderful world of mylot.
@arakawaii (270)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
My mom always tell me to that I should always let her know what do I think about it when we discussing about something even if it will hurt her, I should just tell so that we could solve the problem. Sometimes she is too protective and I tell her that, that's how i think mother&daughter should be.
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
true that mothers (or fathers) can be protective with their daughter, but i guess only in a certain age. when you are an adult though you still need guidance and advice, to learn to be matured we need to stand on our own but still ask parents suggestions and advice. parents are not always there forever, so we need to stand too on our own so we can build our own identity our, and to try thinking of strategies that would work for us. thanks a lot for the response.
