Would you tell your current lover all your dark past?
By khaezi
@khaezi (1001)
Philippines
April 9, 2010 7:04am CST
I believe that when you love someone you tend to accept him/her as a whole. You even would not bother about their past how good or dark it was..for what's more important is the present and future for both of you..
But in a relationship there comes a point when you really want to be honest to the one you love. That even if he/she did not demand you just want to set it free from your heart..
Now would you be brave enough to tell everything to him/her? Even if you are not sure that he would feel the same after telling everything? Or afraid that you might lose him/her for that?
Share your opinions..=)
Happy mylotting to all..God Bless..=)
2 people like this
22 responses
@monkeylong (3139)
• Guangzhou, China
10 Apr 10
As far as I am concerned, I think I will not so willingly to tell my current lover all my dark past ,which I think will give her a so bad impression to her. I do not want to tell her and hse may remember them by heat.Then when we have a quarrel in the daily life ,she may mentioned that , I think will get so upset then.
2 people like this
@khaezi (1001)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
Hello monkeylong and zed_k4!=)
I'm really glad to hear your point of view guys. Oh that's what would hurt your feelings most when us girls brought it up on a fight..and it's not just you don't want to be honest you just don't want the irrelevant past to create or heat up an issue on your present..now I'm aware of the reason. =)
Thanks for sharing guys! Happy Mylotting..=)
@doormouse (4599)
•
9 Apr 10
i've told my partner everything about me,although i haven't told him everything i've done since we've been together,it's nothing bad but i know he wouldn't like it,but what he does'nt know won't hurt him,if he finds out he finds out,it's nothing serious so i'm not bothered,it just has never come up in conversation
2 people like this
@khaezi (1001)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
Hi doormouse!=)
I understand though your past is really not that bad you are still hesitant to tell him everything..because it might make him feel jealous or insecure. You have a good point..=) I agree with your statement "something that he doesn't know won't hurt him"..but I wonder if he also thought that thing on me??lol=)
Thanks and Happy mylotting..=)
@my_name_is_coco (4333)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
I think that if your dark past is bothering you,you can tell your partner about it.s/he can help provide insights on what you can do so you will forget a dark episode in your life.if your partner truly loves you,s/he will still accept you.in fact,if s/he truly care about you,s/he will love you MORE once s/he learned about your dark past.if s/he changed her/his behavior once you told her/him about your dark past,talk to her/him.s/he may be bothered about it and can't take it quite easily.if s/he is still cold towards you,think twice about your relationship.
1 person likes this
@avizmanos888 (149)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
I do not have a dark past but I prefer not to tell my wife everything about my past. Nothing can be done about the past anyway so why bring up old hurts and wounds. It is not worth the time and effort.
1 person likes this
@khaezi (1001)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
Hi avizmanos888!=)
I appreciate you honest answer..=) Definitely I would also do the same..because you are not just boyfriends or girlfriends anymore you are into the higher level=) Good point it's just a waste of time..instead of bringing up the past why not just enjoy and cherish everyday with your wife..=)
Thanks and Happy mylotting..=)
@zashimi (148)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
I believe that when you are in a relationship, what matters is the present and the future. I do not need to tell my partner about the details of my past relationships if it is not relevant. Just as I will not ask about the details of his because I would rather not know and become insecure. Our relationship does not include past girlfriends and boyfriends, so they should not matter. But yes, at some point, things about the past will come out, and by then I already know what things he should or should not know about me.
1 person likes this
@khaezi (1001)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
Hello Hizashimi!=)
You are right with the insecure part. My boyfriend once opened up with me, I got curious that time so I let him talk..he shared some stories about his ex-loves, their whereabouts and other things..as he keeps on talking I felt the insecurity grew in me..I also felt jealousy I admit..
Yeah just let him know what he should know. I'm sure that you two will be happy forever..=)
Thanks and Happy mylottting..=)
1 person likes this
@Pingfanderen11 (222)
• China
10 Apr 10
dark past?some thins are dark past...i think that no matter she and he has the secrets that maybe bad and don't wanna tell .when each other love and wanna change
some things ,why we look into some unneccessary .
if my girl has the "dark past",but her soul is pure when she get togther with me now.
i will accept her every things,her good and her bad
@goblin118 (22)
• China
10 Apr 10
I don't think tell your current lover all your dark past is a good idea,everbody should have some secrets but not tell aother people.And if you tell your current lover all your dark past,he/she can not accpet,what should you do?
1 person likes this
@gardenstategreg (175)
• United States
9 Apr 10
its not worth bringing up your past unless you knew they wouldn't be judgemental or there wasn't a risk you wouldn't scare them away and they would still love you just the same even if you did tell them... once your true love is gone they're gone for good if it were up to me i wouldn't share it with them
1 person likes this
@khaezi (1001)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
Hi gardenstategreg!=)
Yeah I'm not sure if how judgemental my partner is right now..he might pretend that he is just listening but deep into his mind he might think different..
I believe you true love comes only once..I will not do such stupid mistake..=)
Thanks and Happy mylotting..=)
@yunlaa2008 (9)
• China
10 Apr 10
for me,i will tell her all the past,good or dark.I believe that the most important thing in a relationship is honesty,Just let him/her know your past at the beginning.just as what you said sbove,"when you love someone you tend to accept him/her as a whole",if he/she cannot accept your past,what you should do is to forget him/her and move on. you can choose not to tell him/her forever,but any day he/her hear something from others,he/she will be upset,then misunderstandings,quarrels,even separation will come .So,be brave to tell him/her your past!
@khaezi (1001)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
Hi yunlaa2008!=)
Good point! Maybe we can afford it little by little right..so as to not scare him/her right away..=) Yeah the truth will come out eventually..but I think by that time your love for each other is strong enough against that dark past.=)
Thanks and Happy Mylotting..=)
@junmae (1586)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
I dont have a dark past to hid from my boyfriend. But if I have one, though I know it will ruin our relationship, I will still tell him the truth because I am the type of person who cant hide deep secrets for a long time. Also, he loves me so much that i cant dare to lie with him.
@khaezi (1001)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
Hi junmae..=)
Good for you!=) Me too I can't hold on something for a long time..but I'll be very careful of telling it to him..I don't want to risk everything because of my dark past if ever I had one too..it's just not worth it..=)
Thanks and Happy mylotting..=)
@khaezi (1001)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
Hi ebuscat!=)
Wow that was a strong words-"live in a lie"..=) I agree with..you people tend to act or behave in a certain way that past may have influenced them..so in order to understand them you need to go back and see what's behind everything..good point..=)
Thanks and Happy mylotting..=)
@myzire72 (1154)
• Singapore
9 Apr 10
Not a word about my past will be spilled to my loved one. One may think that it's all right to do so, as he thinks his loved one will be able to accept whatever happened in the past and will also forget about it. Unfortunately, things don't always turn out as desired. These dark past may be used against you some day when things go wrong in the future. Therefore, I will choose to just let my loved one continue to know me from where we just started to know each other.
@khaezi (1001)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
Hello myzire!=)
Yeah that's the consequence of being telling everything..you might drive him away. I agree with you things from the past may be used against you when things heated up..or who knows more bad things will happen like separation..
Thanks and Happy mylotting.=)
@umit_umit (1984)
• India
9 Apr 10
well friend khaezi firstly you should take your lover in your confidence and then tell him about your past but you should judge his nature if he really loves and listen to you then you should go ahead!or else if he, is of some typical nature then dont tell him!
@khaezi (1001)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
Hello umit_umit!=)
Nice to hear from you again! =) Ok I think I will take precautions for now..I agree with you I should judge his nature first I don't want to said anything that will drive him away..I love him so much..=)
Thanks and God Bless! Hapy mylotting..=)
@ajarvaise (453)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
If you are in a relationship, I believe you should be honest with your partner and come clean as they say. Tell him if he asks and just be silent if he doesn't. Your relationship is of the present and does not involve your past, but if you have dark secrets, as you say, then I suggest you tell him so that he can fully understand you more. It might strain the relationship, but it is my belief that your love will endure and things will go smooth from there.
@khaezi (1001)
• Philippines
12 Apr 10
Hi ajarvaise..=)
Well I think it will come up especially if you are having a talk with each other most of the time..dark secrets of the past may really affect the current relationship..I agree with you..hopefully that love is stronger and will endure everything..=)
Thanks and Happy mylotting..=)
@EmilSpasov (152)
• Bulgaria
9 Apr 10
do not tell your current lover all your dark past
and don't tell him a part of it:)
i discovered that current lovers tend to get upset even when you tell them your bright past :D
no one likes to feel as if hi's being compared
if you're honest with your partner now and here - that's enough
1 person likes this
@khaezi (1001)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
Hi EmilSpasov! =)
I see honesty with him doesn't requires my past but my present..very good opinion..=) Oh maybe that's what he might think that I'm comparing him with the others he might get irritated at some point point for sure..=)
Thanks and Happy mylotting..=)
@anurag3786 (6267)
• India
10 Apr 10
I think love only happen once time in our life.. if people say they happen this 4-5 times with 4-5 girls.. then i think it is not love.. it is only fraud .. and you only playing with their emotions.. so i think.. i never happen this in my life yet.. and when i think i am in love with someone.. then i propose my dream girls.. and i think if she accept my proposal.. then i tell her all past history.. about me.. good day..
@khaezi (1001)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
Hello anurag3786!=)
Wow I can tell that you're such an amazing guy!=) I agree with you because even if you have a past or present relationship one of them would really stand out..yup that's a very good point I know you'll be good to your girl..keep it up..=)
Thanks and Happy mylotting..=)
@nojazz (28)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
i think it would be better if your dark past remains in the past and not to dig it and tell it to your lover. otherwise, if you're going to have some misunderstanding, things that happen to your past will not surface.
@khaezi (1001)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
Hi nojazz..=)
Yeah I agree that's one of the thing that everyone is trying to avoid-the past to resurface when you have fights or even on petty quarrels because it may to lead to something more serious and bad scenario..=)
Good point!..=)
Thanks and Happy mylotting..=)
@laurenban (194)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
i think we should let the past dwell on the past.
just focus on the present and the future and just let the lesson of the past be an inspiration.
@khaezi (1001)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
Hi laurenban!=)
Wow I totally agree with you =) Past even how bad it may seem offers us lessons that can be used presently and on future..while good memories serves as an inspiration that makes us go on and continue life..=)
Thanks and happy mylotting..=)
@Ladyslipper (1327)
• Philippines
14 Apr 10
I've always been honest about my past with all of my ex- boyfriend especially to my husband now. Before he courted me I already told him everything. That's when I realized that he really love me. He is not prefect and he has flaws and so I am. However, I feel ore comfortable knowing that he knows everything about me and that I have nothing to hide from him.
@prettyface1978 (69)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
Hi Khaezi1 For me, yes. I believe to the adage that, "The truth will set you free." Indeed, loving someone is accepting everything about her/him. Telling him even the darkest part of your life is the most difficult decision that you may do but it is where you will know how he truly love you. If he will accept you in spite of the dark past that you have experienced, then I would say that his love is real.
