my niece doesnt trust me
By aisa62379
@aisa62379 (150)
Philippines
April 9, 2010 9:12am CST
My 15 year old Niece ( the first niece in the family) doesnt trust me. It started when I asked her about who she was texting in the mobile phone coz she kept smiling and she spent so much time in it. She would say to me it was her female friend so i believed her. Anyway, I asked her yesterday who was using her facebook account .. she said to me it was her friend Mary. Then I asked her if i could login to her facebook account coz i need to give my account a farmville gift. She didnt reply me so i asked again.. then she asked me back saying "WHY?" so i mentioned to her again about the farmville gift. I even added that "I will log off at once when im done". She walked away from me and said nothing. I was like .."What the"? But anyway I didnt mind coz something came up. Then this morning i asked her again but she kept avoiding me. So i said to her.. "you dont trust me do you? It's unfair for me that you trust other people than your own aunt?" .. She didnt say a word and it made me feel bad. So i blurted out all the things that i did for her like helping her with homework , paid her school projects etc etc.. ( i know i get too emotional when i feel hurt). Anyway, this is my problem .. Can anyone tell me if I am a bad aunt? Am i envading her "privacy"?.. Please enlighten me ..Thanks :)
1 person likes this
4 responses
@laglen (19759)
• United States
9 Apr 10
teens do not trust very many people. Dont take it to heart. They are secretive even when they have nothing worth hiding! Are you in her life as a guardian? Do you live together? what is the point of asking who she is texting? was it conversational? or were you checking up on her? I have a 16 year old, you have to choose your battles wisely. As her mother, I put rules in that let me monitor her but otherwise she gets her privacy. I find that very important. It is none of her business who I am talking to. she gets that as well as long as it is not a dangerous situation.
@aisa62379 (150)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
Well, we are living with my eldest sister and our parents living with us too. Her parents( her father is my big bro) lives in our hometown which is very far from here. She was sent to us coz my bro cant afford for her schooling. So our eldest sister is the one paying for her school. I dont know if I am considered as her guardian but anyway, I was checking up on her coz i was curious of her spending so much time texting and it was recently that she did that so for me its kinda new. I wasnt even thinking that maybe she have a boyfriend or a male friend coz i trust her and she promise not to have a bf not till she finish schooling. But you know, I feel strange about her coz she became so secretive she wont even let me play her facebook games or tell her problems.Just like what i've mentioned earlier that she trust other people than me. I just dont know how to reach through her and I hope she's not lying/keeping something to me or to any of us in the house. Btw, Glad to hear that you and your daughter are ok with each other :)
1 person likes this
@laglen (19759)
• United States
9 Apr 10
I was asking that because I was wondering how she sees you. If you are an authority figure, it is different. She wants her privacy, that is understandable. But you worry for her welfare and that is equally understandable. You have to decide which role you will play then expect the secretiveness (is that a word?). Just make sure to keep an eye on her and you have to be more sneaky than her. I dont mean go and read her private thoughts. Just watch the company she keeps and watch for changes in behavior, Give her your trust and always be a sounding board for her! Good luck! oh yeah, and give her loads and tons of love!
@aisa62379 (150)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
Hehehe Ok i will thank you :) ...Pls give your daughter lots of love too :)
@prettyface1978 (69)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
Hi Aisa. Of course you are not a bad Aunt.It is juts normal to teenagers today. They really have this attitude of keeping secrets to some members of the family. Most of the time they trust more their friends than any member of the family especially on matters wherein they are only comfortable telling it to her/his friends. You have nothing to worry about alhough you have to make a way so that your neice will give her trust to you. Try to treat her as a friend or try to talk to her during times wherein you were at her age more particularly things that she can relate. Just remember that she is a teenager and she is not mature enough to fully undersatnd grown up people. Be patient to her.
@arreolabryan (856)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
Trust is always an issue in anything. In any relationship perhaps. She don't want you to use it. Maybe you will find out something about her. Trust is build and easy to destroy. You can create trust for 40 years, and after 1 second of wrong doing it may all be gone. Maybe you haven't got her trust yet you should earn it. It will be hard but It is something good for you.
@aisa62379 (150)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
You know that's what my co-worker thinks that maybe she is hiding something that she dont want us to find out. I dont discuss this to other members of our family coz i dont want her to get scolded for being secretive. For now, i dont bother her coz surely she going to ignore me. Anyway, thanks for the advice :)
@zim1fW (285)
• Philippines
18 Apr 10
Maybe the issue is not about trust, but comfort. Your niece is not comfortable allowing you to use her Facebook, for whatever reason she only knows. And that discomfort is valid; she got the right to be one. She let her friend do that because she was comfortable with her friend.
The reason for discomfort might be the kind of relationship you have with her--it is an aunty to a niece, not a friend to a friend. With that in mind you can try to be a friend to her instead of being aunt. Don't demand. Be her friend. And see what change it will bring to both of you.
