Unsolicited Advice

@laydee (12798)
Philippines
April 11, 2010 9:05am CST
I know that we women are guilty of such. I for one am. But there are just times when I cannot help but blurt out my ideas and thoughts most especially if the person involved is my friend. Over the weekend, my college friends and I had a trip. We were obviously concerned about one of our friends who was getting married with a man who (obviously is, and she even admits it) is wrong for her. But I had thoughts of her really wanting to get married due to other reasons which made it more difficult for her to see what we saw. Anyhow, that friend walked-out. Well, it was not the 'drama' type of walking out, but she just gave a lot of excuses to leave the group instead of sleeping over since she obviously was afraid that we'd grill her on her decision. There were no hard feelings, we just let her go. I'd like to ask you now. What do you do if you feel that people around you are giving un-asked for or unsolicited advice? When should a friend advice another? Isn't it that when a friend feels that the other friend is doing something wrong, she should try her best to let the other friend open her eyes before it's too late?
10 responses
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
11 Apr 10
I think if you didn't know this person as well and tried to give her advice, it would come off as a little strange. However, since you are all friends I think it's only normal to want the best for her. I think it's completely not right if you have concerns and don't share those with you friend. I've had family and friends come to me with legitimate concerns. They communicated them to me only from a heart of love. They didn't look down on me for my decisions or anything like that. The way they came to me was completely right, which is why I considered what they told me. I think your friend is automatically going to feel a little defensive due to the reasons she still wants to marry this person. My suggestion would be to voice your concern to her in a gentle, kind, and non-judgmental manner (one-on-one, of course so she doesn't feel smothered). Once you tell her exactly how you feel and the reasons behind your coming to her, then you should let it be. The decision is in her hands. If she still decides to go on with the marriage, so be it. At least you did your part as a friend. If she gets married and doesn't work out, guess who she'll want to come to for help? You! This is because you gave her great advice and didn't look down on her for her decision. You did it out of love, and she'll know that you still feel that way toward her no matter what. After she gets married if that's what she decides to do, she'll still need you so you will still be there as a great friend. Excellent discussion. It's difficult to know how to bring up something of concern to a friend a lot of times. Best of luck to you!
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
12 Apr 10
The problem there is the fact that we may have tainted her trust on us and soon she'd seek other people at times of need and confusion. Perhaps it's her nature not to accept advices regardless how many times she told us to shake her off in times of stupidity.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
12 Apr 10
Your comment makes me think that maybe she is looking for "advice" from others only because they will tell her what she wants to hear. I hope this is not the case, but I've experienced this with friends as well. I surely hope she makes the right decision.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Apr 10
I have learned in this half a century of life, that it is better to never answer questions that people don't ask. It has cost me friendships. But now to preserve relationship I only give my opinion if I am asked.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
12 Apr 10
It's true, I guess these are times when you just need to shut your mouth when not asked, so as to avoid conflicts.
• United States
13 Apr 10
I believe a true friend will do what's best for a friend, that means telling the truth in love. Advise might not be appreciated when first given, but if the person receiving the advise is honest with herself, she'll know it is well intentioned and should appreciate the effort whether the advise is taken or not.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (137764)
• India
13 Apr 10
You are right when you say that women have this tendency to give unsolicited advice. To be on the safe side what I now do is end it with a " imho"
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Apr 10
There's nothing wrong to give an advice but it's also important to give your opinion in a right situation and in a right time so that you'll not look bad to other people even if you only have good intentions. What important is to let them feel that you're always there for them no matter what no matter when
1 person likes this
@werty009 (404)
• Philippines
12 Apr 10
well it's your call if your feeling that way of somebody is feeling something bad for a person or some stuff.well it's a person reasoning to do such
1 person likes this
@yresh12 (3212)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
I think that we are all guilty of that. We are very caring in NATURE that we forgot that we had given them advice without them asking. I think that your friend knows what you mean but still doesn't see it yet.. HOpe you could work this out..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
It's true, it's hard for us to see our friends doing something wrong. But, we certainly have no right to advice friends or others when not solicited because, sometimes it just appears or making the other person feels that you are better than him/her. It's making him/her feels down, and not helping at all. For sure, she knows what she's doing..she just doesn't have that strength to change her decisions for some reasons. But who are we to say it's wrong or right for other persons? Giving advices or warnings to friends won't make you a real friend, it's being there for her in good and bad times that would make you the truest friend.
@werty009 (404)
• Philippines
12 Apr 10
well it's your call if your feeling that way of somebody is feeling something bad for a person or some stuff.well it's a person reasoning do to such.
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
thats the role of a friend,she/he must tell what he thinks is the best even if it hurts.if youll not be concern with her and let her ruin her life.then your not a true friend.so its ok to received unsolicited advice from a friend becuase after all they are just wants the best for you
1 person likes this