I cant take this pain any more
By NoreenNoor
@NoreenNoor (64)
United Arab Emirates
April 14, 2010 2:42am CST
My faince and I have been having hard time now, I dont know whats wrong with your relation, It was all fine till a month back when we decided to marry.. He said he was ok and ready for it, I stared talking to my family about it and every one was happy getting prepared for the marreige day.. 2 days later of that I got his call saying he wasnt ready for it cause he had some other plans... I was like OK!
Since then, he has been pretending, fighting me, doubting on me, saying things that do not exist at all like I am cheating him, I dont have a good charachter, I have changed bla bla! He was completly ok till we talked about marriege, he was caring loving and always would talk to me about our marriege and we would plan everything together, sometimes he would say he cant wait any more... and now I have to hear sucha things from him!
I dont know what he thinks, what is running through his mind, is it that he is not ready for marraige? if he isnt, he can say NO and he knows I wont disagree, but why is he behaving like that?? why is he hurting me?? what is making him feel or say like that to me??? Why is he trying to ruin this relation??? we are enaged since 2 years!
4 people like this
11 responses
@dimitarivanov (228)
• Netherlands
14 Apr 10
Well I believe your boyfriend got scared and got the cold feet. My solution to your situation is simple: break up with him and tell him you do not want him to contact you anymore. If he really cares about you, he will realize it and would come back for forgiveness. That's why it's important to tell him to never come back if he's not ready to commit. Meanwhile you do not have to suffer all alone and try to regain your freedoms by having your single life up and running. Make friends, meet new people and decide what's best to do at your own will.
1 person likes this
@danadong (5)
• China
15 Apr 10
Maybe he hasn't been ready for marriage. You know men like to be free, but after married, he must be responsible for you and your family. He must grow up to be strong. Some people are afraid before marriage, it's natural. You can talk with him or ask someone such as his parents and best friends to have a talk with him.Just give him a chance to adapt to his new "name". Or try to find whether he still love you.
@dbeast (1495)
• India
14 Apr 10
This is bad.There is something definitely running through your partners head.It could be of two reasons.He is freaked out about the marriage team or he is not interested in you which I feel the latter cannot be true since you ve been engaged for two years.The besat way to work this out is to sit and have a nice long talk and sort out the differences if any.You know you are right and should put through to him what you are going through and find out what exactly is running through his mind.I am sure you guys wil get things sorted out and things will get back to normal.All the best.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
14 Apr 10
Hi NoreenNoor,
Wow. That's quite a turn about for your boyfriend. I can see why you would be puzzled and devastated. To me, it almost sounds as if he got scared at the thought of getting married and now is making excuses and looking for reasons to push you away. Maybe he is afraid that if he gets too close to you that you'll push for marriage again. I really don't know. You really need to sit your boyfriend down and have a serious talk with him about this and demand some answers. He is really the only one that can really tell you what is going on in his head. Anything any of us on here tell you is only speculation and guesswork. If you two can't sit and talk and if this behavior continues on then you might want to consider ending the relationship.
@jascha27 (16)
• United States
15 Apr 10
I think that maybe he rushed into something he wasnt ready for. God knows that i have done this plenty of times but i know better now. When you rush in to a relationship you end up not knowing who your rushing to be with and what its going to be like when your with that person so it ends up all twisted.
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
14 Apr 10
NoreenNoor. I hope that he does not have anything to hide from you. Because it sure feels like he does. He is blaming and accusing you of things that you did not do. And he is not talking to you sincerely. He should not dismiss you like this at the last minute. He needs to tell you if he is not ready to be your husband. He seems like he is just making up excuses about you just so that he won't marry you. He is having cold feet and he is nervous. He had enough time to think about this before he was engage to you for two years. Something is just not right here. He is leaving something out of this. I am sorry that he is acting this way towards you. I hope that he will be more caring. He need to be a man and talk to you like he should.
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
14 Apr 10
with men, there might be a few reasons. one is he is scared to be married, and most likey he have friends telling him when a guy get married things do change for him and you. which is crazy for real.
and most of the time when someone who is saying or accusing you of cheating they are the one who is cheating.
but to me when me and my wife first got married nothing really changed at all, and we started off with twins
but one way to look at this, if he dont change back be glad it happen before you got married and had kids. if you do have kids already dont play none of his dumb games.
good luck
@angelajoy (1825)
• Philippines
14 Apr 10
Maybe when he told you that he wanted to marry you he didn't realize what a big commitment that was until you actually agreed to marry him. The realization could have caused him to have cold feet. I'm really sorry for you. I suggest you have a heart-to-heart talk with him and find out what he really feels.
@Beautyfactor (1512)
•
14 Apr 10
I am sorry to hear about your problem Noreen. it sounds as though your fiancee is frightened and the only way he knows how to deal with it is to hurt you. Perhaps you both need a bit of time apart to reflect on what you both really want for the future of your relationship.
I honestly think it's time to sit your partner down and talk about where you go from here. Stay calm so he has no reason to turn it all into an argument.
I hope this helps and that everything turns out okay for you.
@ada8may21 (2405)
• Philippines
14 Apr 10
I am sorry to hear that. I would also feel bad if my boyfriend would act like that way. I understand your case, I just hope you could postpone the wedding. With what you said, it looks like your fiancee is not ready for the lifetime commitment with you. It seems that he is acting that he is pushing you away. Sometimes that is the tactic of the guys. To blame you and give a non sense reason in order for them to get out of the relationship.
It would be good if the two of you need to talk seriously about your relationship. If there is a need to end it, I guess it would be better to save you from suffering and miserable life with him.
