How do you tell someone you no longer wnat to be friends?
By doulaworks
@doulaworks (1079)
United States
April 15, 2010 2:10pm CST
I am wondering if you have ever told someone you don't want to be friends any more. Other than having a big fight or anything like that, I am thinking that I have out grown this person and just no longer want to deal with them or their drama. I have known this person for many years and put up with a lot from them. there is always a problem, a drama of some sort. not once that I can remember did they ever call just to say hi, or ask how I am, it is always some problem they need my advice, or soultion for or to vent about something. It is all to often the same stuff over and over, even though I say, "we have talked about this many times before and I still say...." or something like, "we have been over this one before and I am sorry you are still going though this..." I try and be as loving and kind as I can. I am at a place in my life that we just don't have the same ideas on how to handle things, and no matter what I say the out come is the same. Not that and upset they don't take my advice. I don't think we ever did. what has been so hardis that I am a positive thinker and they are very negitive. They keep doing the same things over and over and expecting different results, and cannot figure out why things stay the same. This person fights with just about everyone in thier life, family friends, co workers, neighbors, stangers, you name it. They complain about EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. Nothing is ever thier fault. It is ALWAYS someone elses fault. I just don't want to be mean, but at the end of the day, I am over it, done and want to move on. Knowing this person the way I do, I am sure that they will blame me for something, but that is their problem. so my question is, have you ever had this happen and how did you handle it? what did you say? do you tell them in person, call them, leave a message, or email them? just wondering. Thanks for your thoughts,
2 people like this
7 responses
@Lochoa (222)
• United States
15 Apr 10
Man I have some friends I mainly call when I have a problem and that's b/c I know they can give me good advice and pick my spirits up and they always do. I hope to think they don't hate me. Yet again I don't complain about a lot of stuff but anyways!
I had this long time friends for like 10 years. We went to kinder together so thats how we met. But by the time I was 15 I couldn't handle it anymore I felt like she kept trying to get at my boyfriend all the time and like she started pushing me away it was weird. Nothing happened between the two of them but I think she was just going through hard times and I didn't understand what was going on with her nor could my boyfriend so we just stop taking her calls until she got the point.
A couple of years after that I did reach out to her but it wasn't the same we're totally different people. She does call my phone once in awhile but I just don't answer. She's gotten the point now.
It's sad but she had a lot of drama I just couldn't handle anymore I guess. Maybe in the future it will be different and I can always call her up b/c I still have her number but if not I'm okay with it. You can always find people on MySpace and Facbook or even the white pages!
1 person likes this
@Lochoa (222)
• United States
15 Apr 10
I do have to add she was the "worst" one all the other people I went to school with we just lost touch and I've seen them around and got there numbers before but just haven't called them like they haven't called me and I'd known them my whole life. Life goes on and I'm not worried about it. We've just lost touch like people do. If you've already explained this to your "friend" and she still doesn't get the point then just stop answering the phone and returning her calls for awhile and see how that goes.
1 person likes this
@doulaworks (1079)
• United States
16 Apr 10
thanks for sharing. I think that is the way that many people would handle it. For some reason that dosn't seem to feel like the best thing for me for this person...yet, that just may be where it is headed. When I don't answer the phone, they leave snarky messages, email me oe look for me on facebook.. it is really annoying. I all too often just started saying, I wasn't up to talking... I really wish they would just go away, time will tell.
@webgirl01 (689)
• United States
15 Apr 10
Hello there, I have similar situation as yours. me and my friend have known each other for a very long time since junior high. There were lots of ups and downs or fights over stuff. My friend whom I known a very long time was also a drama and bossy person. There were stuff i can't handle on being firm with a bossy friend or mostly her drama (too much of it). It's okay to share drama once in awhile but hers is too often. This was like on our 20's till 23 or 24 years of age and it was on and off. I'm older than her and she's on year younger. So if that time i was 23, she was still 22. There was time when we stopped talking for periods of time.
I would just distance myself away from her for awhile. There were personal thoughts in my mind if i want to stick being friends with her or not. But then I again, I don't want to lose a friend eventhough she's just a friend but a friend who part ways at times. Since, I'm a Catholic Christian, I should consider everyone as a friend and not have something against them.
I suggest you write a letter and tell that person how you feel or something. That's what I did with my friend. And then we also talk on the phone and she was okay. should would be okay of it but then there are times she forgets how she acts.. but now at the age of 26, she's changed.
I did used to email her before, it was during 21 or 22, before the friendship letter thing sending by postal mai. That time, she got offended and hated me for that email on regards to a letter and what i noticed and didn't like about what she's doing. She sent me hate mail but because i'm not very blunt when it comes to telling things that i don't like.
But I would you still can be that person's friend but not talk too much of that person. I mean I know friends come and go, but keep your old friends still and make new friends.
I hoep this helps.
1 person likes this
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
16 Apr 10
Sometimes you just have to walk away hun. It's happened to me on a few occasions and each time I have put up with a lot before finally realising that I had to cut them loose, for the sake of my own sanity on occasion. When I had to confront someone over the problems I met them at a cafe and simply said that I just couldn't continue the friendship. Yeah, I got the blame for a few weeks, and she bad mouthed me to a lot of people, but those people who knew me realised that she was just being petty and vindictive.
Try meeting up in a public place and just say it.
@sk66rc (4250)
• United States
15 Apr 10
Tell'em straight to their face. Direct & honesty is the best way to solve most of the problems. Tell them that you've had enough with their drama & to give you a call when they've changed. Not a lotta people can change. They have to change for themselves, not for anyone else. If they blame everyone else & refuses to see the faults in themselves, chances are, you'll get burned someday because of it. They'll hate you, they'll blame you & so on but it doesn't matter. You have to move on with your own life & can't revolve your life around someone else's feelings. I know it sounds selfish. But at the end of the day, they'll go on doing & thinking how they've been all these years & only person left hanging is you wondering what happened.
1 person likes this
@doulaworks (1079)
• United States
16 Apr 10
I like the direct approach for most things too. for this it seems it may end up in a really ugly situation. I agree that I will get blamed for it, so beit. I am at the point I don't even care. I just want it done and over. thanks for sharing!
@celticeagle (167015)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Apr 10
That's a tough one. Men? Yes. But, friend friends -hmm? I don't recall ever having to tell someone. I usually just back away from people and we just quit associating. I recall one poor young gal I knew that went the wrong path was sort of whoring it for awhile and I told her I wouldn't be seen with her. It's not an easy thing to do.
@Triper (71)
• Portugal
16 Apr 10
There are two possible ways to do it:
The hard way: Ignore, mail or sms his/her and say "Our friendship is over", Don't talk ever again to that person, etc.
The soft way: Discuss with that person explaining the reasons, try to get a mutual think about the friendship between both and the why it isn't working, etc.
The good thing about the soft way is that the near end friendship can end in a better relationship and both end in being super friends.
Seeing your case, the best is to ignore them since they ignore you all the time you try to help and when they make some random bad stuff happen or ask advice to you, play the secret card: I warned you but you ignored, kthxbye. If they just continue with it, give them a final warn by sms or mail since they ignore you in real life.
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
16 Apr 10
if someome came to me and said i dont want to be my friend anymore for no reasons at all, first i would ask why depend who it is. and i would be like oh well your lost not my. i dont worry about wants to be my freind and who dont.
but there is a few who i would be upset if they did stop being my friend, and its like maybe 4 people.
my best freind, and my two best female buds, and the guy i call pappy because he is like my second dad
