write to myself

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In the last 25 years, i am always a hot, dreamful and recreant girl. I have many weakness in character. I don't like myself in that character. I don't like other people stronger than me, i don't consider things as other people's view, i depend on my parents. I can't consider condition use my logic thinking just use my directly emotion. I am always envious other people who have these character and use it enoughly. I am a self-contemptuous girl, or i am a confident girl. I don't know. If there is a method can help me.