For better or for worse.....
By zandi458
@zandi458 (28102)
Malaysia
April 21, 2010 4:28am CST
For joy of mind and joy of living, our relationship with each other must be good. This however, is becoming more and more difficult these days. It
We often form relationships based on unreal expectations of another person. Then when that person shows some kind of weakness, we feel as though they have betrayed us by not being what we expect them to be. We hope to find someone with all the answers, someone we can rely on and take strength from, so we endow them with qualities they do not have. And then we get angry when they let us down.
Often we come into relationships, with others because they seem to have the qualities we lack. they have something that might make us complete - happpier. Even though we may not be aware of it, this is a relationship based on taking and not giving because until we have everything we need, we cannot give. You cannot give from an empty bowl.
When we are in love, we only see the good, but when we live together, we begin to see what the other lacks. Rare to find a perfect couple. The marriage vows 'for better or for worse..remain unfulfilled.
4 people like this
14 responses
@Masmasika (1921)
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
Yes, you are right. Perhaps we expect too much and we want to have a perfect relationship but it is impossible. What couples should do is to understand that they could never be perfectly congruent because they are two different people. A woman is an individual just as a man is another individual so the best thing to do is to bear in mind that you can never please a person one hundred percent. 
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
21 Apr 10
We ourselves are not perfect either and to expect our partners to be perfect is out of the question. Mutual respect for each other's distinctiveness and individuality can only strengthen a relationship. But that doesn't always happen these days as boredom and frustrations often set in fast before good sense rule our minds.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Apr 10
my husband gave me something that few mates give to each other,
unconditional love, he took me the way I was warts faults and all and even my own parents did not do that. no wonder I loved him, and we
stayed married. we accepted each other as humans with flaws and with
good qualities too.
1 person likes this
@maikeruk (405)
• Germany
21 Apr 10
well i think that the people as you say live too much in unreal expectation. but also the big problem is that we dont want to deal with our own realities. when we interact with someone we like we at the beginning are amazed by what is good for us, like people say the world turn pink. but the think is that we never see the people as they really are, we impose our ideals on them.
If we can become more tolerant and understand someone, be there to have a real relationship and not to use the other people to follow an ideal it might work on. I think that we want to live always in love but the most important is to live in harmony with someone we really appreciate and that also appreciate us.
2 people like this
@melloncollie (661)
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
That is true. Expectations can either make or break a relationship. It is ultimately up to the couple to learn to accept each other's flaws.
If it is right to say that "when we are in love, we only see the good..." , does it mean that we stop being in love when we start seeing our partner's flaws and ugliness?
But then again, i believe it is not "tolerance" that would help survive a relationship. It is still acceptance. Loving acceptance. "Take me as I am or leave me alone." =)
Cheers!
2 people like this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
21 Apr 10
Very true Zandi.THese days are different from olden days.I feel there is a bit of idealism in all of us and also as you pointed out some expectation from others.However, though you have said that we look for people who lack some qualities we have, thereby making us feel complete. I feel this is not so and that we tend to look for people with similar attitudes and characteristics and get disappointed when this does not get fulfilled. Less interaction or interactions with detachment wheree there is no expectation whatsoever is the only key to avoid disillusionment and disappointment.
Regarding partners, none of this is valid in cases like ours where we are middle aged and ha ve lived wth our respective partners too long to get disappointed.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
21 Apr 10
i FOUND OUT A LONG TIME AGO THE HARD WAYu can not depend on anyone but yourself for happiness. I think happiness is a state of mind.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
22 Apr 10
It's never too late to be happy, Zandi & everyone deserves to be.
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
22 Apr 10
Well dear you've exactly told the reason why most marriages are not happy if not broken. Well the best is too look more on the good side of one's spouse. If there be too few good things about the partner then just be thankful that at least there are few. It is better for us not dwell too much on the imperfections of my our partners in life because if we do, we will certainly be disappointed. Let us just remember that not each of us is perfect so indeed there could never be a perfect mate either. Yes we can't find a perfect marriage but we can always have a happy marriage.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
30 Apr 10
I am more than willing to care for a sick person as they are quite docile and immobile. But with someone who has robust health, he is forever giving me unnecessary tension. Might as well be single than being abused verbally. I am reduced to an idiotic person in this situation.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
22 Apr 10
I think that is the beauty and test of the institution of marriage! As we all know, its nice to be around when the going is good but when the going gets tough, that’s the real test of relations. Personally I feel that a marriage works best if there is no give and take in it…i.e. whatever we do for our partner it should always be without the expectation of getting anything in return. Also, it helps to remember that marriage is a joint effort, so whatever I’m doing for my partner, I’m doing it for myself too… the feeling of ‘we’ should be more than the feeling of ‘me’
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
22 Apr 10
I appreciate your output here. You have given a very satisfactory views of how partners should tackle a relationship to survive. A marriage is not a bed of roses and a lot of hard work needed to energize the union. Thanks, I lean something from you today.
@mac_fish (723)
• China
21 Apr 10
Hi,zandi
For better or for worse.........
I donnt think there are anyone who is willing to lead his/her marriage and family to endless darkness.Everyone wanna better of course,even there are to many definitions of better ,it should be construed as "better" in individuals life dictionary.
The fact often rolls unexpected,irreconcilable clashes come out,then quarrels happen,war between couples break out,then the time of ending chioce comes.......
I think everyone married in impuls,even they have great mutual understanding for over ten years and are intimate with eachother,they will encounter conflicts in the future absolutely,the reason maybe got by u "they have unreal expections",it's rolling worse if they cannt find a way to fix up the distance between unmarried and after marriage.
So,it's still a puzzle,the end and trend depend on ourselves.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
21 Apr 10
Some people find it impossible to live with others who have different wavelength as theirs. But they cannot live alone either. They want love from their partner but are not able to give love simply because of reasons only known to themselves. Essentially, the reason is that the spirit has become empty, devoid of peace, love and happiness and filled with negativity. This is why there is so much discord in human relationships. A person does just a little bit and has ego about it. There are weaknesses in every humans.
@monkeylong (3139)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Apr 10
As far as I am concerned, I think I can not demand our friends or family so strictly,which may inn turn to have a bad influence on us all, so we should try th ebest to love them , but not the demand on them,which will be a better way to haev a better relationship with your friends or family, and you can always enjoy a very good happy day. If you just expect so much from them, I think you may get much more disappoint.Just relax yourself in heart , not just in your mouth.happy a nice day.
1 person likes this
@Aaleexix (2290)
• India
22 Apr 10
Actually relation between people based on binding and responsibilities with some desire and want. If the balance among these things is disrupted the it effect on the relations. Now in the present state of the human civilization people are putted their interest on the desire and want then the responsibilities. So people are dissatisfied and it harm on the good relationship. Actually earlier the members of any family were more aware towards responsibility. It is outcome of the materialistic thinking of people of this satellite civilization. Matter is now more valuable than ethics and morality. And this degradation human quality is cause of all dissatisfaction of people.
1 person likes this
@khalida (1126)
• India
22 Apr 10
well better expect less to stay happy. that's easily said than done i feel! but i think if a relationship has acceptance and good communication, those little flaws might not seem too big after all right!? this discussion is just too general to comment anything. would you like to elaborate!? :)
1 person likes this
