Deafness in Men is a sign of boredom?
By zandi458
@zandi458 (28102)
Malaysia
April 23, 2010 3:21am CST
The expression 'fallen on deaf ears' is one which most women fondly use to describe the impasse that takes place in the relationship with their closest and dearest...the spouse or partner. Did you realize that where once he would have regarded it as a privilege and achievement to spend time to whisper sweet nothings in your ears and hoped that it would be reciprocated he now occupies himself mostly with the television or papers. In many cases, after many years of marriage, the spouse or partner now merely hopes that you don't shout at him or into his face if he acts as though he can't hear you properly!
The truth is that husband and wives do make a game of the sudden deafness that may arise. It's more commonly seen in hubbies! I will not debate on that with you but I am quite sure that it's the men who would take the prize when it comes to such ear problems! For instance they would suffer suddenly from this when asked to clean the garden, was the car or clean the windows. When accosted and accused of their non responsive attitude they pretend and make the excuse that they did not hear it at that time! Oh my goodness, how naive do they think their wife is?
To be fair to the guys, lest it said that I am bias, I must say that women too at times pretend not to hear their man but I think that has less to do with chores than other subjects. But men are always the ones who suffer from sudden deafness.
How do you tackle this situation when the blank walls can hear you better than the spouse you are talking to? For me I have to rely on this good old charm which often make him jump from his chair without my words. An increase in household expenses may wake him up to the fact that I had to call in and pay for general help. This wakes him up to the fact that he could have pitched in and saved the cost. And another game is a late or burnt dinner. I admit both ways has given me good results. 
5 people like this
17 responses
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
23 Apr 10
I adopt a different strategy Zandi, because I know my husband so well .He hates it if I tell him to do something and rather have a hole drilled in my own ear I would stick to whatever I can do. He also does not come my way.I would be in my room , he would be in his, and we would chat every now and then during coffee, or lunch etc.., , but that apart, he does not do any household work whatsoever.But he washes his clothes, his cup and saucer, his plate and eats whatever I give him with no demands whatsoever.THere is very clear demarcation of responsibilities and if one day I am unable to procure vegetables he would go without vegetables that day.Windows or doors must be cleaned by me but I have a maid to assist me.THis is the system in many Indian middleclass households.He does some occasional cleaning when he pleases and here too I won't say a word.
Otherwise he has never turned a deaf ear to me in any case and I can say that he woudl hear every word of what I would say.If it is asking him to do something ---- then I have had it.
As regards your statement that this statement pertains to men , I do agree because women have many mroe requirements thna men and it is their defense mechanism that makes them pretend to be deaf.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
23 Apr 10
You are adopting an excellent strategy by keeping silent like saying you mind your own business. Silence can do wonders sometimes to push a man to do some work. Men hate nagging wife so I think you have found the right way to make him responsible for some odd jobs in the house. 
1 person likes this
@JAYMAR777 (840)
• Philippines
23 Apr 10
Smart woman... What you are doing to catch the attention of your man is very smart. I guess this phenomenon of deaf ears starts when we were still young. When our parents wakes us up for school or church...it falls on deaf ears; when they have to ask us to do our household chores...what happens? it falls on deaf ears. When our teacher calls us to participate in discussions or answer the questions...it falls on deaf ears... I don't really know when it really ends.
@JAYMAR777 (840)
• Philippines
24 Apr 10
Sometimes men do "selective hearing" because of what I call "constant rapping" (nagging) from women.
@ sleepyredd, That is a good way to catch man's attention... get the wallet.
@riyasam (16556)
• India
23 Apr 10
it sure is a sign of laziness.whenever he pretends not to hear,i pay him back in the same coin like when he asks me to pay a particular bill,i convieniently tell him that i forgot and then when he has to pay the penality,he understands that his pretension wont work with me.
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
23 Apr 10
Zandi!
Good Post! I won't counter your statements and assertion. It is very much possible that as number of year passes in a relationship (read marriage, a husband may start showing the signs of deafness. May be he starts taking his better half for granted. I agree with you that sometimes good old charm does wonders and deafness of a husband varnishes in the thin air.
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
24 Apr 10
This temporary and temperamental but convenient deafness surfaces as and when it likes. It can be mild case of hearing disorder or one that's quite serious. The wives need not panic and rush to make an appointment with the ENT specialist. It may only provide a laugh for the good doctor and nurses after they would deduced the reason for the sudden and occasional deafness(after you leave of course). . No cause for alarm!
. No cause for alarm!
@savypat (20216)
• United States
24 Apr 10
I have to resort to a sit down meeting with pencil and paper along with the check book. It's best if I supply a great cup of coffee. This way I can have undivided attention where needed. The result of such planning often still results in my having to make the choices as though I had never called for the meeting but at least I can say I tried.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
25 Apr 10
It is such an issue in our marriage! I love the way you deal with it zandi! He accuses me of lacking affection and I tell him that it’s because I don’t feel heard and that hurts me very much so I don’t want to show affection to someone who has hurt me and shows no concern for that fact! It is a vicious circle and round and round we go...I was brought up by a mother who still does not listen to us so it is a very sensitive issue for me. I find it rude not to even give me the courtesy of a looking into my eyes when I talk to him. He know it upsets me and these days whenever he fails to acknowledge me I stop talking to him immediately until he eventually apologises but I don’t want as apology, I want him to hear me!!!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Apr 10
You know, my husband was in to see the doctor about his hearing, and the doc told him, it wasn't a hearing problem, it was that men don't have the ability to multi task. So you have to make sure you have their full attention before talking to them or they don't hear you..
Of course there are times when they don't WANT to hear you too!
1 person likes this
@Maggiepie (7816)
• United States
24 Apr 10
It may lean toward being a masculine trait, but trust me, females can develop this malady, too! I'm not married, but my best friend has it, & she also happens to be my home helper, as I'm handicapped.
I try telling her, for example, "L___, the floor in the bathroom needs sweeping, 'cause my cat tracked litter all over." Later, in my bare feet, it's, "Ow ow OWTCH!" I remind her, & it's, "Oh! Sorry, I forgot!" And it's not usually because she's too busy; I try to space her duties out through the day.
It's also my habit to make a comprehensive list for those same duties, so she even has another reminder, but even that doesn't always do the trick. So I guess she develops "sudden blindness," too?
Don't get me wrong--I love this girl to bits & pieces, but sometimes, I just wonder about her, y'know?
Maggiepie (who'd rather wear hot fuzzy slippers in August than change helpers! ;o)
Open Mike is a category you can post ALL topics, even multiples at the same time! Have fun there! :o)
Don't get me wrong--I love this girl to bits & pieces, but sometimes, I just wonder about her, y'know?
Maggiepie (who'd rather wear hot fuzzy slippers in August than change helpers! ;o)
Open Mike is a category you can post ALL topics, even multiples at the same time! Have fun there! :o)1 person likes this
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
24 Apr 10
Ha!ha!ha! This topic brought into my mind the story of a wife who kept talking and talking about so many things to his husband who was at her front sitting down with a broadsheet on his face, as if reading. After so many talks the wife could not hear the husband responding, nor commenting even a bit. When she checked on him, she found out he was sleeping. What a funny but good illustration of the usual husband and wife day to day scenario. And although not exactly the same scene, it really does happen to all couples. I myself would sometimes feel offended when I noticed my husband was not paying attention although he was pretending. Well from those experiences I realized that sometimes I really do talk a lot on some issues. So now, I've learned that whenever I noticed him not paying attention, I would stop and give my husband a break so that he will find time to enjoy whatever he is doing or thinking or just to give him some time of peace. At any rate, sometimes I also do not listen to him well, when I am too busy and preoccupied with my own things. 
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
24 Apr 10
Hey zandi! I think that I am already experiencing this "deafness"
thing! Sometimes when I am speaking to my boyfriend he either
pretends he doesn't hear me or is sleeping which I know damn
well he is full of crap! It is a convenient copout! He has
these "conveinent spells of deafness" whenever it suits him! If
I want to talk about something important he is either to tired
and going to sleep or doesn't hear me! Yeah right! But, when he
wants something done I am supposed to hear him loud and clear
even if the friggen water is running! Yup got it! Nope not
playing that game~ And yes, I do believe it is a sign of boredom
or not wanting to deal with the situation at hand! I don't let
BF get away with it! Do you?
1 person likes this
@Leixa003 (867)
• Philippines
24 Apr 10
Deafness in men can also be a sign that they are thinking of something else that they are so occupied that they did not hear you talk. Sometimes as you said they just do not want to do the things you ask them so they pretend to be deaf. Well I admit I sometimes pretend to be deaf when I do not want to answer a question being asked to me. I think one way to get then talking and making sure they hear you is when you first say something that will definitely caught their attention like what you said ask for money. 
Sometimes being unusually quite makes them wonder too and would see if there is something wrong but this would not work to men who are dense.
I think one way to get then talking and making sure they hear you is when you first say something that will definitely caught their attention like what you said ask for money. Sometimes being unusually quite makes them wonder too and would see if there is something wrong but this would not work to men who are dense. 1 person likes this
@piya84 (2581)
• India
24 Apr 10
hii there
I am not married yet but i have seen this happening in my house.my mom and dad.But you know its opposite here.It mum who sometime act deaf.It isnt her fault completely.My dad nag a lot.
I too sometime turn deaf.Its a way to protest when some one star forcing me to do something which i dont want to do.
@zim1fW (285)
• Philippines
24 Apr 10
Women not being heard by men does not necessarily mean that men got bored with her. Oftentimes his mind maybe very preoccupied with something important to him, and the attention that she expected may have come at the wrong time vis-a-vis his preoccupation.
She must also take note on how frequent was she whispering "sweet nothings" to him. Most likely it his case, she did it inconsistently so he just treated the gesture less seriously.
In the situations you mentioned zandi458 there must have broken in your communication with your husband. The best move is to restore that communication and avoid prejudging him or expecting from him so much on this.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Apr 10
hi zandi for me I generally just smiled,giggled a bit then wham off went the television." why did y ou do that,I was listening to that" he yelled, I know I said very sweetly,now you are hearing me. E ither you weed the garden like you said you would do today,or I am going to call a gardener" I leaned over him all eight months of pregnancy now in his upset face.He grumbled something but went outside and started pulling weeds. this had been relegated as women's work taught to him by his dad I guess. He soon learned that I was not fooling when I said either you do such and such or I call an electrician or plumber or repairman as the case may be. Just once was all it took, then my son became a teen with magic hands and a love of fixing anything electronic or electrical ,and dad once more started being the couch potato again. cant win at times.
1 person likes this
@Professor2010 (20162)
• India
23 Apr 10
Very true zandi dear, many times i too pretend as if i can't hear my wife, but this was not say 40 years ago, the responsibility was less, the expenses were less, but now there are so much to do and share, so when she asks for a saree and jewellary, i have to avod, the best way, i pretend to be deaf and dumb too..
Thank you so much for this nice discussion, cheers 
God bless you.
Prof
Thank you so much for this nice discussion, cheers
God bless you.
Prof
1 person likes this
