an ex's offer, should it be welcomed?

hi tigeraunt, The problem of your best friend seems to be very complicated but it is in forgetting the past and giving forgiveness she will be at peace and able to move on the next stage of her life to meet the true happiness she wants. I understand that your best friend had suffered from severe stress and emotional pain brought about by her husband. That marriage supposedly be happy had turned into nightmare for her instead. That the vows they had together were broken for many reasons her husband weaknesses had gave his family a misfortune of life. Her husband must be reminded that for all the the sorrows he gave there is one product of their love, their daughter. She is continuously suffering from emotional setback of pain, anger and hatred, a feeling of rejection from love and affections which cannot be replaced by your best friend but at least absorb other pains in line for them. If there will be much affected at this time is her daughter. But, in instance your best friend had fallen for other guy who will give her the respect, love and attention. A proposal for a beautiful life after her darkness. Then, I guess this is the time for her to move on and feel the good side of what life has to offer for her. I guess it is fair that after all the heartaches and sufferings she went through, she deserves someone who can really accept her as a person, her weaknesses and share moments to someone she will be happy with not because of any conditions triggered by her past ex relationship in using their child for a purpose. Anyway, if her husband wanted to be a real father for their daughter, then, things will never be this way for them, and might avoided before he made any unwanted acts that may destroy their marital relationship, their family. If your best friend do not feel love anymore from her husband even given other chances, then let her accept present boyfriend. No mater how you insist things,if it not meant really to be, never it will be.. Regarding her daughter, I guess she can fully understand her mother well, for she had been the main witness of how their family was brought in despair. Her daughter should be given a chance to live a new life again by accepting what her mother really loves, thereby letting that person be a father to him by heart though he is not the biological father at all. It does not matter for there are cases that those step fathers had been more of a father rather than a biological father. As long all of them are in harmony.. If ever her husband wanted to give any for his daughter. Then give him that right, but if ever the one receiving such, will ignore any.. It is by choice and whatever will be the outcome of such, her husband must understand and accept fully the effects of what he had done.. I admire you because your role being a true friend to her did not stop even things had fallen apart for her. You have a worthy friendship. I hope your best friend can open her heart and make decisions in life that will set her the freedom, happiness, contentment by taking the positive look of life.. Everybody deserves to be happy..a new beginning, a new life.. a new change.. That,it is not in the past we live.. it is in the present and for the coming future.. Happy mylotting..

Her ex husband is still her daughter's father, so she can't just deny him his right to his child. But if I were her I'd also try to make my daughter understand that I'm now in love with someone else and that our family wouldn't be happy if I would take back my husband knowing that I don't love him anymore. Well, at least that's what I'd tell my daughter if she's old enough to understand. How old is she now anyway?

I believe it's up to your friend to instigate divorce proceedings if enough time has elapsed. Nothing will happen until one party makes the first move. It's all very well to consider the feelings of those around you, but when all is said and done isn't it happiness that she wants?

Advise her to be true to her heart. The ex is now a different person and the past cannot be recaptured. If she could fogive and foget totally they might have a new relationship but that would be very unusual for any woman to do. Just let the past be the past and go forward with the love she has now.

hi ann, i could not comment on this discussion,sorry,have a nice day

A daughter shouldn't be denied the love of a father. If they want to try to work that relationship out, they should get a chance. Doesn't mean your friend has to go back to her ex. She needs to follow her heart and be with the one she loves and wants to have a future with. It will be hard for all parties but they need to be civil to each other for the daughter. Like I said, the daughter and father should have a chance if they want it. My father walked out on us. My mother divorced him. But if he suddenly came back and said he wanted to try to be my father again, I'd love that. And my mom would be a friend to him but nothing more.

Dear Ann, This is a very tough decision. I feel ur best friend herself is the best person to judge and take the decision. However as u have asked for our suggestions...i would say that the ex's offer should not be accepted. Because i dont think he loves her and neither does she. A relation with no love and believe or trut has no meaning. So this is my suggestion. Rest is for u and ur fruiend to decide now. Try to see what kind of a person is he and how true he is. Then decide. All the best.

Anything concerning her daughter will give the ex-husband full rights because he is the father and they re not legally separated. I wouldn't mind him talking to my daughter because I can't spare my daughter's happiness just because I don't love the father anymore. But, him coming back to me is another story. It's my choice to go back or allow it, and nobody can force me with it. I tell you, I wouldn't have to worry if I'm pretty sure that my boyfriend loves me and I love him too. The only time that I should be worried is if deep down in my heart I'm afraid of falling in love with the ex-husband. Tell her to just give him the rights to their daughter and be open about it with the boyfriend. So he won't be shocked and all that the guy is communicated with her.

The choice on a relationship between father and daughter should be left for them to work out. The mother should support her daughter in whatever choices she makes. I would not do anything to stop my ex from communicating but I would be there for my daughter. As for your best friend getting back with her ex...that's a no-brainer. She loves her boyfriend and her daughter doesn't want it so there's your answer. If the dad really wants a relationship with his daughter then he will be understanding , patient and willing to go to all extremes...whatever it takes to make her realize he is sincere.

I would tell your best friend to follow her heart....I would have to agree with alot of the other responders that a word of sorry doesn't erase what the husband did....My ex husband walked out on me and my two kids and abandoned us I can forgive him fully eventually but I don't think I could ever fully be his friend again.... As for the daughter if she is of age it's her choice to be in her Dads life or not I would advise your friend not to force the issue but if she really loves this new bf then she should be filing for divorce and closing the chapter of her marriage...I hope that things work out for your friend... Happy Mylotting.....

Since your friend is ready to move on with her life, and since the relationship with her husband has been damaged for such a long period of time, I would not try to rebuild a relationship with him. Now, ordinarily I would say that a relationship should be maintained for the sake of the kids that were born from that relationship. However, since the daughter doesn't seem to think it is necessary, then I wouldn't try to maintain something that wasn't worth maintaining.

For me no because whole life you suffer and his attitude is remain like that time will come they do it again so erase.

Dear ann It is so sad that your friend's bf can't hug her physically, but certainly in mind, i have always told you love is an emotional concept, never confined in the physical body. Her ex must be having some foul intention, like acquiring her property etc, where was he hiding for so many years, why he is not coming to her personally? This proves he is wrong. Your friends daughter should not accept any gift from her father at all, this man has never played role of a true father. Advise your friend to be with her bf, i am sure she will be happy.. Thank you so much for this nice discussion, cheers God bless you. Prof

in that case, if her new boyfriend really loves her then why go back to her past.. she should move on because in the first place it is not her fault to have another man anyway.. sorry for the IRRESPONSIBLE ex... he could not just fix everything with a word sorry...