Should we let Naomi quit band?

I think unless it's getting in the way of other things, you should make her see it through. My mom was the type who let me quit everything. Sometimes I quit because it was too hard for her to get me to and from lessons or meetings, and sometimes I quit just because I didn't like it.. but it set me up to believe I never had to stick with anything, for any reason. I've never in my life held a job for more than 6 months because whenever something happened that I didn't like, I'd just quit and never come back. Soon it became difficult to get hired because employers would see my work history and realize I was not reliable.

Letting her quit at the end of the school year would be her only option if it were up to me. She is too late into the school year to drop it now. They have made it into the last quarter now and most school systems will not even consider allowing the drop. I completely understand hating the band as I was forced to play the flute in middle school. But I buckled down, did my best and got through the year. She will be ok. Don't push the practice anymore than you have to because all it will do is make her hate it even worse. You may want to send a message to the band director just so he/she understands Naomi's feelings toward the band and so that there are no surprises when it comes to the concert.

hi dawnald I know she has lost her enthuiasm but still to quit now might be teaching her that any time she doesnt quite like something she can just bail out. I feel that since it is not that long to the end of the school year she should wait and quit then. Its so easy to learn to bail out of things at the first little problem and sometimes you will regret it in later years. Of course if its making her really miserable your idea of quittingat the end of the year sounds more like a winner to me.

My parents made me take piano when I was little. I absolutely hated it. Never learned much because I didn't care. Still have no interest in piano at all. Lot of wasted money and time, for ultimately nothing. I think a bigger problem is that you and your husband are not together on decisions. The moment a child learns that they can play one parent against the other, they'll continue to do that the rest of their childhood, and it will cause them to think they can weasel out of things later in life. That's a very bad lesson to teach a child. One suggestion is what my parents did with me, which is if I asked either of them something, they would always say "Well, I think it's ok, or not ok, but let me ask your father/mother first". So they would always consult each other, before telling me either way. Thus I never had the opportunity to play one against the other, and neither was saying the other didn't support their views in front of the child (me). Back to Cary. Well, I can only tell you how my parents handled this. If I ever wanted to be involved in "X" thing, they would always make me support "X" thing, with my own money. I had jobs I had to do, and they paid me for some of them, and if I wanted a new "X", I had to pay for it, or split the cost 50/50. It's really easy to walk away from something when you have nothing invested in it. That's a hard lesson to learn too. Look at these sub-prime no-money-down mortgages people are walking away from. I really do not have direct answer, because I can see both sides. On the one side, you should keep the obligations you sigh up for. You signed up for this, you should stick it out. That's a good lesson to teach your children. I agree. Alternatively, my parents spent two long years banging their heads against the wall to make me practice piano, frustrated me, caused me to never want to be around them, and wasted tons of money on lessons that I don't remember any part of. Of course one difference is, I never signed up for piano, nor did I ever tell them I was interested in learning it. They wanted that, not me. But whatever you do, you should be united with your husband on this, and if you go to the teacher, you should do so together. Marriage is 'we two are one', not two people living separate lives in the same house.

We often cling to the concept: "Start quitting now and be a quitter for ever", or something like that? well here is the call on reality, why not teach our young ones to find their one thing they love to do and will be likely to be good at? Something that will help them make a living as well in older years? I say let her quit that something she hates, but help understand why she is allowed to quit this, and I would say replace it with something else she maybe good at, sort of as part of keeping her commitment. She should also still help the band for the rest of the year, in some way, since its not ok to pick up something and quit, abandon the classmates who depend on her part. I also think you were correct at demanding her to quit at the end of the year, but why make her miserable about it? If you talk to the teacher is a good thing, help her stay in band and pick up an instrument she would like better, if there is a sit for her.

Hi sweetie. I would say yes, let her quit. From what i understand she will begin to hate it later on and we do want to avoid that. Rather let her try her hand or talent on something else. TATA.

Let her quit now. I am a musician and it is hard to practice And do well when your heart isn't in it.I loved practicing. My mom Never had to Make me practice. In fact she wouldn't been able to make me practice.Music is the one thing that Has to be heart driven. If your heart isn't in it , it won't be good. Yo can't force a person to love Any music. Either they do or they don't. Let her quit. If she isn't practicing , she won't do well at that concert. Music is the One subject that at first you don't succeed, you Should quit.

hmm..i would tell her just do the concert,and if she's still against it,maybe.. kids can be really iffy about instruments.. i know i wanted out of clarinet class,but with my asthma,it was kind of pointless.i don't know if you've ever watched spongebob,but squidward was better than me at it. just didn't have the breath for it.

Hi there Dawnald, Hmm. Good question. When I was a kid, I was one that had to try out for everything and join up to everything. My mother got a little frustrated with me when I would drop out things early but she did not stop me. My father supported me in my choices. Many times, I just decided that it wasn't for me. Still, It was good that I tried it out or I'd not have known. I think if I knew ahead that I could not walk away if I felt like it that many things, I'd probably not have even tried. Also there were many things that I did stick out and learned so much from them. Even the ones that I didn't complete, I took some learning with me from the experience. I was the same with my own kids. I encouraged them and supported them in all things and I did encourage them to give their all. When my daughter got upset at her coach and wanted to quit basketball for example, I agreed that she could but first I wanted her to go to her coach and tell him why she wanted to quit. She was good and I knew that her reasons for quitting were not because she didn't like it. Thankfully, the coach convinced her to stay. I would tell Naomi that she can quit but she should go to the instructor and tell her on her own.

Hi dawn, I agree with you, end of the year is not that long and she should hang on for a little bit longer, sometimes if you give in to what kids want now, they will never learn, tell her to be patient, its only a few months to go and as for "R" he is always seems to be saying the opposite of what you say, looks like he is trying to get the kids on his side, well, thats how I see it, maybe I am wrong. Tamara

My son did the same thing when he joined baseball. He was horrible at it and didn't like it at all. But, we told him since he had made the commitment, he needed to finish the season. He never had to play again, if he didn't want to, but he had to honor his commitment. I think it's important to make kids follow through on their commitments because otherwise, they may learn that it is easy to just quit whenever times are tough. I know others will disagree with me, but this is how I feel.

I have always had one rule when my children sign up for something...you don't have to do it every year but if you sign up for it, you have to finish the season. I have never been faced with one of them hating what they were doing but I have had them not want to do it again. I think that if she is miserable..well...she's miserable..but if you've spent alot of money..I might make her tough it out. I guess it depends on several things. I don't think it's actually giving up if you hate it. We all try things we decide is not for us, but if we commit..well..that's different because you've promised people. I guess I think it's ok to give something up provided it's not been at a great expense finacially or personally.

My decision would be the same as yours Dawn. :) I think as a child I too had fingers in one pie too many. :) And of course, I wasn't good in most of them. :) But may be Naomi needs to know that it is not only about wanting and then changing mind, but about not failing to deliver as well. In this case, a planned concert would be disturbed. May be you could talk it with her, explain to her how difficult it would be for them to find a suitable replacement at such short notice, and so on. BTW I think that is what R should have done instead of taking such a stand.

Well, even if I find weird that someone can have any problem to play an instrument such as simple as the xylophone, every person has his/her own handicaps, so I'm nobody to judge. Is the band an after-school activity at school? Because in that case, if she's not happy with it she should be able to quit. It's better that she has a happy school life instead of having to be forced to do something she won't like

she's probably getting cold feet about the concert - afraid she'll make a major goof most likely I think a discussion with the band teacher might be in order - it could well be that s/he might be happy to see Naomi's back if she's not doing well - but can't kick her out either I would pressure her to stay in unless the band teacher says its fine, but I wouldn't do it with Naomi in the room, the teacher might not be so open if talking in front of the child.

in my opinion, i would allow her to quit. did she said she's not happy with the band anymore? i thought she really liked it, to be in the band? i would also think that R actually means we as dawn.

Hey dawny! I really shouldn't even be responding to this one! I am the "ultimate quitter"! I took up violin and quite because I sucked and it hurt my chin! I then took up flute and quit that too because I sucked! So, honestly hon, forcing Naomi to continue really doesn't make sense! I know you don't want to hear this, but if she doesn't like it, doesn't play well, then what's the point? She isn't going to do any better and is only going to be miserable! Take it from someone that knows! When you don't like something and are really lousy at it, just give it up and walk away! There is no point "forcing" the issue because all it will do is make her more resentful and miserable! So, save yourself the fights and let her out of the contract!

I wouldn’t let her quit until the end of the year because it would teach her that when you commit to something you’ve got to see it through. My daughter does ballroom dancing and she tells me she loves it but she’s had times when she just didn’t want to go and I encouraged her to because of the commitment lesson; she went and told me later it was fun. Sometimes they just need the occasional push although it does sound like Naomi has stopped enjoying her musical instrument so she will probably benefit from doing something else but I would encourage her to stick it out for the year. Good lesson; you can’t just quit when you stop liking something.

I think I'd contact the teacher. Maybe she's had situations like this before and can help you come up with some words of encouragement..."you quit and you'll never know how good you would have been"...or something encouraging...

I know my Mom would have made me stick it out. And while I would have hated it, I would be glad in the long run I did. Starting and finishing a project are important lessons to be learned. I wouldn't let R "win" on this one. Just tell him he can make the next "learning" decision (if it's the right decision ). You sure Naomi isn't just scared about the upcoming concert?