What to tell /advice a friend

The best thing you can do is be there to listen. Also if it were my friend I would say - Ok so you found out they're not your biological parents, so what? They're still your parents. They still love you. They still raised you. They still treated you as their own. They took care of you. Finding out you're adopted doesn't lessen their love. It doesn't change the times you spent with them. Yes it's a shock. And I'm sure you'd wonder about your real parents. But these parents here love you. Adoptive parents, that's just a title. Love and support is love and support no matter who it comes from and your friend should appreciate that strangers choose to take him in and love him as their own. And I'm sure they do love him as if he were their own biological son. That's what matters. Your friend will take some time to get over the initial shock but he'll be ok.

You must have been very special to have him to confide in you something which is not so easy to handle. For that you should applaud yourself. Sometimes being there to listen is all it takes to 'listen with a heart'. In this particular case seems to me he wants an answer. I would tell him to look at the other perspective, let's say he is the parent of an adopted child. Let him see the good reason for the adoption and all the hardships he has had to face to bring up an adopted child, the possible best he had given, the joys and sorrows they would have shared. I hope this would put him in his adopted parents' shoes and make him more appreciative of them. It's not who they are that matter but what they have tried their best to give us what we are today!

Listen to what he's upset about. Is it that his adoptive parents didn't tell him? That he was given up? Or what? I'm sure nobody meant to hurt him, that they wanted the best life for him. Sometimes wrong decisions are made out of love, not out of anything bad.

you should take a cue from your friend so you would know what to say and how to help...maybe ask him how he will go about searching for his biological parents...will he ever be doing that or maybe just let him know that you are his friend...you will be there for him..no matter what...if he can still talk to his adoptive parents...ask hat he will tell them and take it from there...;)..do not be demanding or confrontational...he needs somebody to talk to and help him cope with the truth that he now knows...hope that helps you.

Hi.I think it's not you who is the biological parent and who they had grown and educated.Our parents do not create a night near the bed of a small creature.Encouraged to make the first steps and say the first words.It is daily giving a little child you need to grow and take on their life time.Organic or not each of us must be grateful to people who raise him and made it what it is now.

i've been in your shoes before but not because of the same problem.you see i'm a teen and as you know teens usually not very good when in come to solve problem but mostly they consult me when their parents got divorced.mostly my friends have such problems.and basically my parents are still together n i hope forever.i just tell them to accept it with an open heart but i also tell them don't hesitate to share with me anything because talking to someone who care for them can ease their pain.

I am sorry that your friend is sad to find out that he is adopted.As much as I don't know what it means to find out that the parents who have raised you all your life, are not your biological parents,I also know how much any parent loves their child because it is only when they want to give their love to a child,and make them their own,that they become parents.I have three adopted cousins within my father's extended family.We are close-knit,so I understand how the child feels,as well as how the parents feel.It is important that your friend does not make his parents feel guilty that they are not his biological parents,but is is also essential that your friend himself gets a lot of moral/mental support from you and other close friends. Obviously at this stage,he will be very confused himself,so if you can listen to him without judging him,he will be able to come to terms with his reality quickly.You must also let him know that his parents will not stop loving him now,and that the bond that they have fromed over the years as a family will never go away.ofcourse,as you mentioned,he needs to calm down right now,you should let him know that he is not wrong to feel bad,but also that he should try to see the situation objectively,from his parents point of view as well.Hope my response makes sense for you.

HI well... I think you should listen and advice him not to feel any guilty about this cuz even they are adopted parents but they love and care and support him all the way until now. 23 years is a long way for his adopted parents to do... it is not that bad for someone else love and care for you. If I find out my parents adopted me then I still love them and if I can't find my real parents, I shouldn't feel bad at all... I have to face the truth cuz if someone doesn't care but here there are two people always there for me... u know it is hard for him now but he has to face the truth... move on and dont have to feel bad at all

Well, it is a hard situation. Me, too..I don't know what to say. I don't know what kind of advice that I can give. I think all you can do is to stay on his side and listen to everything he says. Just listen to him, and when he cools down that's the time for you to talk with him. For me, I think there's nothing wrong if he is adopted at least the parents who adopted him treated him like their own son for 23 years. He must be thankful to the parents who adopted him. But the problem is why did his parents didn't tell him about this? Does he wants to see his biological parents? Maybe he is hurt by the fact that he is only adopted. But that's not that important if he is only adopted as long as they are happy. Being part of the family doesn't mean that you need to be related with each other. They can love each other as a true family.

Hi Setsuna. Well they adopted your friend doesn't meant his adopted parent don't love him. In our family I have few adopted cousins and they told they adopted at the age seven when they big enough to understand. My mom always said adopted is choice of love, she say I born from her wound but adopted child born from heart.

Hi Setsuna, Listen to him....give him comfort and tell him exactly that in his 23 years...he was loved,cared & pampered by his adopted parents....of course biological parents are different but what love he can get from them was also given to him by his known parents & maybe more than that... I have a cousin who was adopted by my aunt...we never treated her as different from us but she is the one whose not reaching out,we tried to talk sense to her yet she tried to rebel against them,look for her biological parents but found that she is lucky enough to be adopted by my aunt as she was given everything.and now she is back with them & closer to us now.. We adopted a baby boy 4 yrs ago...she is under my sister's name...I love him same as my daughter...we are planning to tell him when he starts to understand...hopefully he will not take it easy...

for me i will comfort him first, let him calm down and when he feels a bit alright i will ask this question to him: do your guardian loves you? do you really want to know who is your real parents?, if he answer yes to both question i will tell him then if your guardian loves you you will understand their reason and you must to to them and try to ask your real parents to them maybe they will tell it because they understand what you feel, and i will him that i'm pretty sure why his guardian hide this truth from him, no parent/guardian will let their kids down after saying this advice to him, i will convince him to talk and open his feelings to his guardian i'm sure he will be relieve

Hi! Setsuna, First of all, I want to let you know that I am also adopted.. I'm 34 now and I found out when I was 32..I don't think being adopted is a problem I take it as a blessing to me God has given me parents that has taken care of me as If I were their own children though a part of you like to know who is your biological parents...thats but natural but to bear anger to your biological parents that not good....maybe they have their own reason why they have done that..maybe at that time they dont know what to do and are afraid that they cannot bring a life that you deserve..... Just explain these things and I know somehow he will understand maybe right now he is just shocked to find out that he was adopted.Hope this will not lessen the love his giving to her adoptive parents. =)

I guess it's really hard for him to accept the fact, that he was an adopted. If Im in your place, probably I will tell him that he's not the only one who has the same problem. Maybe he is too lucky to have a second parents with the couple who adopted him. There are some reasons why some things happened in our life. Much better ask his second parents about the real story of his life. In that case he will find the answer that he is looking for. Just be thankful coz there are people who take care of him.

tELL HIM HE SHOULD BE THANKFUL HE WAS ADOPTED BY GOOD PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN GOOD TO HIM.I know it's a shock to him but tell him to count his blessings, something so many people don't do to start with.

OK, so LIFE GOES ON. it is not the end of life to find out after 23 years that your parent are not your biological parents. Cool, What happend to his real parent? and in all cases, the reality is that he must remain appreciative to the foster parents and move on in life. LIFE GOES ON BRO!!!

You are a nice friend.In my opinion,what you may do is to stay with him and listening.No matter who face such situation, he could not accept the truth. He will feel upset as the parents who he has been staying with for 23 years finally come to be not his biological parents.he need time to handle it.