What can I do to help her?

Wow this is a difficult place to be in. I understand that her husband has been cheated on before, which is always hard to cope with. This has also majorly affected how he trusts people in general. It would help if his wife reassures him that she is HIS and only his. Sometimes all people need is a little reassurance. Also it would be great if they could really discuss his past issues openly. Maybe that will help to heal some of her husbands wounds. A lot of the time its hard for people to move on from certain situations because they are still holding onto the past and not talking openly about their feelings. Its never easy to move on, but with his wife's loving support I think that will make things a lot easier. Also make sure to tell your friend to take this slow, it doesn't have to happen all at once and these changes may not happen for a while. For now baby steps are the way to go. Good things in life come together gradually, not forced. Right now her husband really needs her support, love and nurturing abilities. And he also needs her to be patient with him. He has been hurt a lot in the past and needs time to heal. She also needs to open up to her husband and tell him how lonely she has been feeling, maybe he doesn't even realize what he has been doing to her. He might just be so caught up in his own feelings, that he has forgotten about hers. All people need to be reminded of this every once in a while. They are married so they are a team and need to work as a loving, nurturing team.

That's absurd. She has to explain that she also has needs. They need to talk this out or their marriage will be over soon.

Hi smileonstar, One thing is certain, your friend cannot keep on living this way and her husband has to realize that if they are going to stay together. A hundred years ago, or even less than that, a woman was considered a man's property and she had very few rights, but things have changed a lot since then, thank goodness. She must talk to her husband and make him realize that she cannot continue to live this way. Husbands and wives must trust each other, otherwise there is no point to marriage. Blessings.

hi smileonstar I think they need to get to a marriage counselor who c an help your friend find out how to reassure him that she is always faithgul but his treatment of her is making her feel so bad she wants to leave. somehow someone had to get through him that he cannot treat her like a prisoner. He is being almost as bad as a wife batterer without the hitting, the insulting way he will not trust her at all will kill their marriage. she needs to reassure him and get him to open up about the horrible marriage he had, and convince him if he loves her he can trust her, she is not like his ex wife, but the counseling has to be done too.good luck hope she gets help to save her marriage.

Do you have places for abused women where you live? If that is available I would send her there, they can at least tell her what she can do.

Your friend needs to sort out this situation with her husband or their marriage will end before too long because she sounds desperately unhappy now and she will not continue to live like this with her husband controlling her. We all have limits even the most patient of us and she will reach hers sooner rather than later. My advice would be to attempt one more time to talk to her husband and get him to share his insecurities but he may not be open to that so a marriage counsellor may be able to help. She could start by going on her own and get some help on convincing him to attend too. I hope she can work this out and save her marriage; her husband has no right to control her to this degree. You can help her by letting her know that you will be there for her whenever she needs you and offer a shoulder and a hug every now and again.

Hi smileonstar, Well, I am sure that your friend by now has realized that she should have taken more time to get to know this man before getting married to him. Marrying to get a green card is not a good idea. What your friend can do is to divorce this man and return to her home or try to get her U.S. Citizenship and start over on her own. It doesn't sound like a very loving marriage at all.

she should just tell him that she will hv to leave him if h continue being suspicious .. nothing else can be done because he is another individual unless he changes himself or she learns to live with it nothing can be done